#1
They say relationships
are good for your health.
They also say
a heartbreak can kill you.

They're giving tours of the city,
Hell if I know what for.
Nothing here but graves of dreams
and headstones where good work used to be.

600 square feet.
That's all I've got these days,
all that I can say I own.
Well, rent, but either way.

If we're all in this together,
then why is my neighbor
crying through the walls
while I just pray for winter.

You said you loved it in the fall,
leaves and trees and the crisp type of breeze.
You said we should take a walk,
said you didn't love me after all.
#2
the lyrics are very well put.
what I like most about it is the very first 4 lines. that is deep stuff.

you did a wonderful job.
-BUBBA-
#4
<3
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#5
I think my main issue with this in the transition from the "they say" to the "if we're all". Because they don't call and respond to each other coherently.

Nothing above the line "if we're all in this together" argues the point it's responding to, ie we're all in this together. It's an idea that kind of comes from nowhere. It sounds like you're writing a rebuttal to the opening point, "they say relationships are good for your health/it can kill you". But it's not a call and response like it should be.

If it flowed with an opening that was more like "They say everyone feels the same when a relationship ends" it would lead into a change up of "if we're all in this together". Because that example would link together a supposed, universal feeling. But your "if we're all in this together" links into your city your idea, but it's not the leading edge to link the ideas. I think you should be starting with the group tour idea which links in better with "if we're all in this together". For now it is kind of murky, like navigating the internet pre-Google.

In truth, I think you could chuck the first stanza and have a stronger piece.

<3
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