#1
I've browsed the Pit for 8 years. Whenever I saw threads with people talking about issues with band members I always thought who the f*ck cares? And now here I am.

So some back story; I got approached to play with this group just for fun really. We're mostly music teachers at different schools in our city. We've just started playing shows and stuff. For me it's something fun to do on the side while I have my day job.

So there are four of us. All in early to late twenties. Me, lead guitar. Then a pianist and singer, and he's good at keys, and an amazing vocalist. Then a violinist, who is really good at getting us gigs, and also pretty good at violin, too. Then there's the guy in question who started the whole thing. We'll call him Jose. He plays guitar.

So he's really not that great at guitar. He has a degree, and teaches music at an elementary, but from talking to him about his background I could tell that he has really tried to cut a lot of corners and take shortcuts to get where he is. Easy degree from a small school, alternative certification and his knowledge/playing is really lacking. I have a student in 10th grade that is much better. Even though he started the whole thing, we have put him on bass for most of the songs as his guitar playing is really limited. And even on bass he's passable at best.

Not only that, but the guy is really unlikeable and not self-aware at all. Kinda like Michael Scott on the office. He's really annoying and we feel like he could really detract if he talks to anybody.

BUT, why have we kept him? We feel bad for him because he's opened up to the keyboardist a lot, and apparently his mom treats him like shit and blocked him on her phone or something, and his dad isn't any better, and he has a hard time making friends and stuff. So we felt like it wouldn't detract to have him on bass (with low volume) and just keep him around. He's not crazy about playing bass and wants to do more guitar, but he really has no idea that we're on the fence about him being there at all. He's suggested playing guitar on songs and nobody really says anything.

I've been fine with this right now because I really just do this because I like sitting in a room with people playing and jamming out to music, there's no dreaming of making it big or anything, it's just fun. But we are starting to play shows now and the violinist/pianist would like maybe making some side money with it.

Should we get rid of him or keep him? And if we should get rid of him, would you be direct or aloof about it?
#4
personally, I'd tell him what you all think of him, maybe keep him on, but seriously tell him why you only let him play bass.
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#5
Quote by The Madcap
...

Not only that, but the guy is really unlikeable and not self-aware at all. Kinda like Michael Scott on the office. He's really annoying and we feel like he could really detract if he talks to anybody.

...


Let that be your guide.
I would take easy to get along with over skill (as long as its passable and they are willing to improve)
#6
Quote by CodeMonk
Let that be your guide.
I would take easy to get along with over skill (as long as its passable and they are willing to improve)

that's why Ringo Starr
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#8
Quote by CodeMonk
Let that be your guide.
I would take easy to get along with over skill (as long as its passable and they are willing to improve)



Yeah. I mean if he was a cool, nice guy it would be one thing. But if he's lacking skills and personality, then you're not really doing yourselves or him a favor by keeping him around and lying to him. I know the shit with his parents sucks and you feel bad for him, but ultimately you have to decide whether you care about this guys feelings enough to compromise your whole band.
#9
Quote by Will Lane
bring his unlikableness to his attention and say something like "we would like to keep you on but we have to work through these personality issues" and help him do that.

Has anyone ever tried this? I can't imagine it'd go well.

"Hey, bro, you're pretty annoying. Do you think you could stop that?"
#10
Quote by chrismendiola
Has anyone ever tried this? I can't imagine it'd go well.

"Hey, bro, you're pretty annoying. Do you think you could stop that?"

I've done that more than a few times.
However, I used more "colorful" language.

Pro tip: NEVER say that to your boss.
#11
Quote by chrismendiola
Has anyone ever tried this? I can't imagine it'd go well.

"Hey, bro, you're pretty annoying. Do you think you could stop that?"



I had a friend say this to a kid who wouldn't stop following us around in high school. Well, he more just told him to fuck off and leave us alone. It worked but I still felt bad because the kid never ended up finding any friends as far as I knew.


But yeah you can't just lead people on forever. Gotta let them down at some point, not so harsh that it scars their emotions for life but not so gentle that they don't get the picture.
Last edited by MeGaDeth2314 at Nov 25, 2015,
#12
Quote by CodeMonk
I've done that more than a few times.
However, I used more "colorful" language.

Pro tip: NEVER say that to your boss.

you can if your boss is a squirmy Chihuahua of a man.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#13
Quote by MeGaDeth2314
I had a friend say this to a kid who wouldn't stop following us around in high school. Well, he more just told him to fuck off and leave us alone. It worked but I still felt bad because the kid never ended up finding any friends as far as I knew.

Nah, not like a "fuck off" kinda thing. More like a "we don't mind if you stick around but can you not be so annoying?" kinda thing.
#14
no, it's not "you're an annoying person so fix it" but "you're an annoying person partly because of family issues and we want to help you out". the key is to make it relative to their own sense of self improvement, that they have nothing to loose and all to gain. and as such your band will be better because one of your members won't have personality issues. but if you really want the person to improve i'd suggest you have to help him and provide the resources yourself.
Last edited by Will Lane at Nov 25, 2015,
#15
Quote by Will Lane
no, it's not "you're a annoying person so fix it" but "you're a annoying person partly because of family issues and we want to help you out". the key is to make it relative to their own sense of self improvement, that they have nothing to loose and all to gain. and as such your band will be better because one of your members won't have personality issues.



but he will still suck at guitar and bass. so the band still sucks.


dump this ZERO and get yourself a HERO, baby
#16
tell him you guys don't want to continue playing with him but you would be happy to hang out sometimes if he needs a buddy
Quote by Arthur Curry
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& alaskan_ninja

#17
Quote by Will Lane
no, it's not "you're an annoying person so fix it" but "you're an annoying person partly because of family issues and we want to help you out". the key is to make it relative to their own sense of self improvement, that they have nothing to loose and all to gain. and as such your band will be better because one of your members won't have personality issues. but if you really want the person to improve i'd suggest you have to help him and provide the resources yourself.

Nothing about what OP has revealed to us suggests that his personality can at all be attributed to his familial relationships.
#18
Quote by jakesmellspoo
you can if your boss is a squirmy Chihuahua of a man.

The last boss I said that to was a micro managing asshole.
5ft 4, shaved head, wore combat boots, drove a Ford 4x4 with a lift kit.
I'm sure you can guess the rest of his issues.
#19
Quote by chrismendiola
Nothing about what OP has revealed to us suggests that his personality can at all be attributed to his familial relationships.

Quote by The Madcap
We feel bad for him because he's opened up to the keyboardist a lot, and apparently his mom treats him like shit and blocked him on her phone or something, and his dad isn't any better, and he has a hard time making friends and stuff.
#20
Quote by CodeMonk
The last boss I said that to was a micro managing asshole.
5ft 4, shaved head, wore combat boots, drove a Ford 4x4 with a lift kit.
I'm sure you can guess the rest of his issues.

stereotypes aren't always a thing, but when they are...
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#21
Quote by CodeMonk
The last boss I said that to was a micro managing asshole.
5ft 4, shaved head, wore combat boots, drove a Ford 4x4 with a lift kit.
I'm sure you can guess the rest of his issues.

lol

the one i flipped out on was a micro manager, but he had no balls.

i actually semi-incoherently yelled at him in the middle of the store, dropped lots of f bombs, and told him i was gonna quit and he never did shit about it.

then i kind of started doing whatever i wanted and he was such a wiener, he never did anything about it. half hour long 15 minute breaks. hour long 30 minute lunches. 20 minutes in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet playing games on my phone.

he'd try to get me to stay late sometimes, or have me come in on my off day and i'd just cut him off mid-sentence with a curt "no" and continue walking.

oh man, i kinda actually miss getting away with that shit. worst part was, i was still the hardest working person in my department even after i stopped putting in 100%.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#23
Quote by chrismendiola
Was this supposed to suggest otherwise? Because it doesn't.
? well it doesn't confirm that his parents are the source of some or all of the problems but it definitely is not a good situation that his parents don't even bother with their son. maybe he just really needs some guidance.
Last edited by Will Lane at Nov 25, 2015,
#24
Quote by jakesmellspoo
lol

the one i flipped out on was a micro manager, but he had no balls.

i actually semi-incoherently yelled at him in the middle of the store, dropped lots of f bombs, and told him i was gonna quit and he never did shit about it.

then i kind of started doing whatever i wanted and he was such a wiener, he never did anything about it. half hour long 15 minute breaks. hour long 30 minute lunches. 20 minutes in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet playing games on my phone.

he'd try to get me to stay late sometimes, or have me come in on my off day and i'd just cut him off mid-sentence with a curt "no" and continue walking.

oh man, i kinda actually miss getting away with that shit. worst part was, i was still the hardest working person in my department even after i stopped putting in 100%.


I was a tech in a department that programmed SMD IC's with robotic machinery.
I was actually a member of the Engineering department, but my job was supporting the production department.
These were like orders of 10,000+ chips per order.
And there were also a few where the components were loaded into encoders by hand and encoded one at a time.
Well, with a lot of machinery that runs 24/7, thing break down.

One of the things I did that always pissed off my boss (and I did it ALL THE TIME)...
We had a live database where the workers would enter a problem.
Through experience, we techs knew how long it would take to fix most of the problems.
And they were supposed to be done, first come, first served.
I didn't always do it in order.
For instance:
Repair #1: 45 minute repair time
Repair #2 : 5 minute repair time
Repair #3 : 2 Minute repair time.
Repair #4: 5 Minute repair time.

That's 4 people not working and producing.
If I went in order, it would be 57 minutes before all 4 were back to work.
Instead, I would put Repair #1 last, that way I could get 3 people back to work in 12 minutes or less.
Like 90% of the time, those quick jobs needed to print to a network printer and the computers (running Win 95) lost the connection to the network, so I usually only needed to do a screen capture of their work, save it, reboot, then print.
To me, for production efficiency, that's the most logical way to do it.
Then I would go on to the 45 minute job.
But my boss got pissed every time he caught me changing the order of what gets done first.

He really had it out for me.
And when I got laid off, he went after another tech the same way he went after me.
That tech, who had been there 5 years, told him to fuck off and quit about a month after I got let go.

Edit:
Kinda funny note.
I don't know how many people knew it, but he was also dating one of the women at work.
I saw them together when my GF and I went and saw Finger Eleven and a local venue.
Him: 5ft 4
Her : 6ft 5
Not to sound sexist or anything, but they looked kinda funny together.
Of course I bought a concert T and wore it to work the next day.


==================================


Sorry to go off topic OP, but even after 8 years, that problem above still chaps my hide.
Last edited by CodeMonk at Nov 25, 2015,