#1
Hello!

Another new song of mine. Simple as the last one but with more catchiness.

The mood of the song should not be happy even if it sounds that way.
It should reflect melancholy and in the end departure to a new beginning. I hope I could transpond that feeling a little bit.

C4C as usual.

Anyway, thank you for listening.
Attachments:
new song 24.11.15 finsih.gpx
new song 24.11.15 finsih.gp5
Last edited by coheedisonfire at Nov 26, 2015,
#2
The melody sounds kinda like American Football light. Not a bad thing, but I do suggest maybe adding some notes or changing some rhythms or something to make it a bit more ear catching. Or at least add some variations every so often. It sounds nice and sweet, but it isn't enough, played verbatim over and over, to carry a whole four minute song in my opinion. Nice, serviceable melodies are added by the other guitar when the rest of the instruments come in. On the drums, I'd replace the quarter notes on the edge of the ride with a closed hi hat or regular ride. The beat itself is a tad bland here. I think a few little variations, like a ghost note here or a roll there, could help out a lot. C came in very emphatic feeling. I liked that. The refrain at D feels kind of bland with the simple chord banging. I get that this style of music isn't often complex and I figure some interesting vocal melodies could easily save it, though.

You accomplished some sweet melodies with the lead track that comes in at 121. I feel like the variation added by that Lead track creates a sort of bridge, but not an effective enough bridge in a song this repetitious. I suggest opting to a write a new riff at 113 where you started the main melody again. 129-132 was a really good transition. The dynamic change/beat swap in the drums at 149 gave the song a shot of needed energy to carry on to the end. I suggest adding a fill or two in this part just to keep the ear's attention and add even more energy.

A little nitpick I had was that I don't think the rimshots during the soft bits work very well. Maybe try raising the dynamic to mf and making it regular snare. Another was that the bass was kind of painfully basic, an afterthought really. I only call it a nitpick cause it seems like a lot of groups get away with playing "bass lines" exactly like this. Make the bass move a little more. Or a lot more. I'm not saying that you need to make it shred or anything even close to that. Just that some dynamic bass adds a whole other layer of goodness to a song.

This was a pretty good track, but it feels incomplete-ish. There are a lot more colors and spices that could be added to take it to the next level.
Last edited by Million Dead at Nov 26, 2015,
#3
No major criticisms here, I enjoyed it. All the sections were really well done, just maybe consider shaving the outro down a bit? Unless you have big plans for the vocal part to carry that section through. Also, drums and bass could be improved a lot, I get that this probably won't be how the drums will come out in the final product but adding some fills and offbeat snare hits during those calm parts would really help out, especially at that transition at 105
#4
Thank you both for your critics. Will defenitly try to spice up the song a little bit! As mentoined in the chorus I left a lot of space for a good vocal track. I will post it as soon as it is recorded!

Once again thanks for the detailed advices!