#1
I play guitar in a band with my high school friends and we cover crappy hot 100 billboard pop music. So our music isn't very complex instrumentally and even with guitars. We probably only need one guitarist max but here's the catch. The bassist's 45 year old dad jumps in plays guitar with us. (It looks awkward with an old dude "helping" teenagers perform easy songs). He plays the exact same chords and riffs I play. Then he turns his amp over half way then gets pissed when I turn my amp past 2. He says he plays guitar with the band to "help" me with guitar. Seriously!!! What's the point in helping me when I can't even hear my guitar and all I hear is his guitar jacked up to the max. I already know what I'm playing and I don't even play rhythm guitar because our music isn't that complex. I practically play guitar in his shadow. He also mixes our sound and drowns me out. At our gigs you wouldn't even hear if I'm playing or not. There's no point in me playing because he does everything and drowns out my guitar intentionally. There's even no point in practicing our songs as well because I can totally stop playing at a gig and all u notice is his guitar. I've tried reasoning with him and telling him that I'm a responsible guitar player and I don't need someone to "show" me what to play even though I already know what I'm playing . (He doesn't even bother to see if I stopped playing or not.). After trying to reason with him and find a solution he complies but 5 minutes before the set he jumps on stage and prepares to play. Really?!?! So politely telling him there's a problem doesn't work. I even asked his friends to tell him and he still doesn't comply. I've tried leaving the band numerous times but they always drag me back in with the same crap excuse: "no don't leave every member is important" then make some speech on why I shouldn't leave and if I try to leave they make me feel bad for it. This has been going on for a year now and this band has brought me nothing but frustration and anger!!!
#2
So wait... you're letting your bass player's dad play with? Why don't you just tell him to leave? He's not an actual member, so why are you letting him play with you?
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#3
No one can take advantage of you without your permission.

Grow some nads and explain to the other boys in a calm manner that there is room for one guitarist here and if Dad has any involvement in this band at all you need to move on. If there is any squirming or waffling, then find some new friends to play music with. You don't have to be a dick about it, while clearly defining your musical involvement with them.
"Your sound is in your hands as much as anything. It's the way you pick, and the way you hold the guitar, more than it is the amp or the guitar you use." -- Stevie Ray Vaughan

"Anybody can play. The note is only 20 percent. The attitude of the motherfucker who plays it is 80 percent." -- Miles Davis

Guthrie on tone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmohdG9lLqY
#4
The Dad is living vicariously through the band. Nothing more. Tell the bassist's dad to go away. Make it a "he goes or I go" ultimatum, and be prepared to leave. Don't even let him on the sound board.

Playing in a band is about making music and having fun. Frustration and anger are not a part it... well they are, but it shouldn't be a constant thing.

Last band I was in, when I got frustrated and angry, I quit and found a new band... much happier now.
--- Joe ---
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#5
I appreciate the support. I'll try reasoning with the whole band and if that doesn't work out then I'll just leave and move on.
#6
why do the other members want to play with an old geezer (for full disclosure, I'm closer to his age than yours but I understand the problem)?

It seems that you could probably get support from the drummer before confronting the bassist and his dad.

Also please don't take this as a criticism but try to use paragraphs when writing long texts, it makes it way easier to read
#7
Tell him about the image of the band. Does he really think teenagers with a dad looks good and will get you gigs etc.. If not go to the dark side and smash he's tubes!
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#8
As an older dude myself,I like some of the younger bands music but to join with a younger band, It just wont fit. Tell him to go.
#9
That's pretty weird, I got a good laugh picturing all that.
He just wants to play in a band with his son but he's completely ruining any fun you could be having, and for over a year now.
You're completely in the right if that's all true, gather the courage and give them an ultimatum.

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#11
Being an older guy myself I can't imagine playing in a band with a bunch of young guys. I'd be embarassed. It would be like walking into a restaurant with a date that looks like a high school kid. Whether he knows it or not, he's getting laughed at if he actually gets on stage with you.

More importantly is, if he's playing the same chords as you he's not teaching you anything, but worse is he doesn't even know enough to teach you anything. I play in a band with two guitarists and we have to be careful when playing the songs that we don't duplicate what the other is doing. That's how it's done by people that know what they're doing.

From your description it doesn't sound like he knows much about blending/mixing a live band either. I'm with the others here. I think the band is going to have to make a choice. You guys are at the age where you need to learn how to work together to produce the sound you want. There's nothing wrong with a little advice on things, but that's a LOT different than jumping in and playing with you. That's more about standing on the sidelines, listening and then offering some ideas you might want to try. If he wants to do that he may have some things worth considering.
#12
Irrespective of age or the specific situation, it sounds like you're not happy and it also sounds like the band is going nowhere.

I'd quit. I know that they'll give a big speech again, but you need to do what is best for you man. Leave, find a band that's more suited to what you want.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
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#13
I'm another old bloke.

What the hell is this guy doing??? Quite apart from anything else his son must be mortified too. I suppose though he loves his dad and he's in a tough place too.

This guy shouldn't be playing with you and he shouldn't be attempting to either. The fact he doesn't seem to know this means he isn't ever going to work it out.

Just politely tell the band you won't play with him in the band any more and say that if any of them want to play with you then you are happy to form a new band without dad. The bass player may be torn, so be sympathetic but if he can't face his dad down (and no father should put their child in that position) say you are really sorry but you need to look for another bassist.

Good luck.
#14
I was in a band with my two sisters. I started the band, bought their instruments (im the only one with a job), and did most of the work. I could barely get them to practice but they would get extremely jealous and offended if I tried to work with anyone else. When my mother and I had a falling out over something unrelated, they rallied behind her and fired me from the band out of spite.

Recently I found another guitarist who is perfect for the kind of band I want to have. If I start working with him I can kiss away ever playing with the girls again, but I dont want to put my goals on hold waiting for them to come around. I always thought this was something we would do together, that was a huge part of the dream. This is all pretty recent, should I give it time or move on?
#15
Quote by Qr89
I was in a band with my two sisters. I started the band, bought their instruments (im the only one with a job), and did most of the work. I could barely get them to practice but they would get extremely jealous and offended if I tried to work with anyone else. When my mother and I had a falling out over something unrelated, they rallied behind her and fired me from the band out of spite.

Recently I found another guitarist who is perfect for the kind of band I want to have. If I start working with him I can kiss away ever playing with the girls again, but I don't want to put my goals on hold waiting for them to come around. I always thought this was something we would do together, that was a huge part of the dream. This is all pretty recent, should I give it time or move on?


It's really up to you, we don't know you or your sisters personally nor how old they are but I think that if you back down now their behavior will only get worse. Don't be a pushover, this jealousy and blackmail isn't a normal way to start or stay in a band I'm sorry to say.

If you truly love music and playing it, you shouldn't be held hostage by a couple of immature and spiteful band members, even if they are your sisters. My way would be to go with that guitarist you found and if your sisters ever grow up maybe they will join you in a band someday with a better attitude.

Having said all that, I must emphasize that I don't your situation completely so maybe I gave some bad advice but that's what I think you should do. I can only imagine that these kind of things are not easy to deal with when it comes to family.
Hope it all turns out well for you.
#16
Quote by Qr89
I was in a band with my two sisters. I started the band, bought their instruments (im the only one with a job), and did most of the work. I could barely get them to practice but they would get extremely jealous and offended if I tried to work with anyone else. When my mother and I had a falling out over something unrelated, they rallied behind her and fired me from the band out of spite.

Recently I found another guitarist who is perfect for the kind of band I want to have. If I start working with him I can kiss away ever playing with the girls again, but I dont want to put my goals on hold waiting for them to come around. I always thought this was something we would do together, that was a huge part of the dream. This is all pretty recent, should I give it time or move on?


Move on. Your bandmates should not care what you do outside the band unless it affects them adversely. In any case you're not in the band with them anymore so it's all good.
And no, Guitar Hero will not help. Even on expert. Really.
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