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#1
http://blog.carsieblanton.com/post/131354056804/emotional-affairs-are-not-a-real-problem


what are your thoughts? I personally was happy to read this, as my relationship runs like this (though I've never actually bothered having sex with any dudes 1on1, but I'm open about men I have crushes on) but idk how to explain it to many people so I just say we're polyamorous, for lack of a better word

that being said, certain things still make me uncomfortable and I let my partner know if they do, but I'm curious what some other people are ok/not ok with

edit: I mean YOU specifically, not in general
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Last edited by vintage x metal at Dec 17, 2015,
#4
If everyone except Bill Belichick thinks it's wrong.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#7
Using a laser pointer during a laser quest.
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And well yes, I'll enjoy the carpal tunnel and tendonitis, because trying to get one is clearly smarter than any word you have spoken thus far.
#8
Being intentionally deceitful so you can carry on doing something you know would hurt your partner without any regards or respect for them. That's cheating IMO.
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#9
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When it's someone else go in snakes and ladders but you roll the dice anyway.
Cheatin' bastards.

yeah this makes me p uncomfortable
would need to talk to partner about it
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it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




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#10
Quote by T00DEEPBLUE
Using a laser pointer during a laser quest.

Scrub.

Diffraction gratings are where it's at.
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#11
It depends on each couple - a lot of things can be outside or inside the boundaries of a relationship depending on what your relationship is like.

Personally I'd not be happy with my SO kissing anyone else on the lips and anything "further" than that too. But if she was texting someone else or anything "emotionally" cheating so to speak eg. sexting or anything that'd also be outta the question. Also if she was walking around town holding hands with a guy that's a no from me.
#12
Quote by slapsymcdougal
Scrub.

Diffraction gratings are where it's at.

You're the worst kind of person.
Quote by TheSennaj
And well yes, I'll enjoy the carpal tunnel and tendonitis, because trying to get one is clearly smarter than any word you have spoken thus far.
#13
Quote by T00DEEPBLUE
You're the worst kind of person.

I also used to climb over and through scenery when that was supposedly against the rules.
Quote by Diemon Dave
Don't go ninjerin nobody don't need ninjerin'
#14
Personally, I'm not okay with polyamory, both sexual and emotionally. I'd be pretty devastated if I found out that my gf was talking to another person intimately, like talking way past what a normal friendship would, you know what I mean?

there's a difference between being a good friend and getting on with someone and emotionally cheating. Its hard to explain where the line is, but its there. Like if my gf was going to someone else before me to get emotional support,within reason, like not family and shit like that which is why I said intimately

also there's a difference between having a crush on someone else and emotionally cheating. Crushes are a natural part of life, there's nothing you can do about it, but its how you act with that crush that matters
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#15
Making out with another person already crosses the line for me. And then theres sex.

And no, being drunk is not an excuse.
#16
Quote by EndTheRapture51 at #33732899
It depends on each couple - a lot of things can be outside or inside the boundaries of a relationship depending on what your relationship is like.

Personally I'd not be happy with my SO kissing anyone else on the lips and anything "further" than that too. But if she was texting someone else or anything "emotionally" cheating so to speak eg. sexting or anything that'd also be outta the question. Also if she was walking around town holding hands with a guy that's a no from me.

really though, this
___

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she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#17
As said, it depends. I have kept a very 'libertine' outlook before and yet when I found out that my ex kissed someone else, my trust circuits began to short-curcuit. You don't really know your boundaries until they're pushed. At the same time, if I was ok with it and made that known, I'm not gounna call making out "cheating" if I've said in advance that I'm cool with that, and I apply the same to if I decide to do a tongue dance with permission.

I don't tend to consider non-physical things cheating. Perhaps even as far as rude texting (probably because I find it hilarious). Once it comes to kissing and touching and you know that your partner isn't/wouldn't be comfortable with it, that's being an asshole.

It's a subjective/logistical nightmare. An old friend of mine was engaged to a lass for some time. She wanted to try other people for various reasons, her partner did not but was head-over-heels in love with her. I'm almost inclined to call that sort of blatant emotional manipulation cheating, considering the state the guy's in right now. Call 'em a sucker - whatever, first loves are like that. Doesn't change the polyamorous one being a manipulative little asshole imo.

I don't know - I don't have much life experience. I'm not sure even three long(ish) term relationships can yield the information needed to really answer a question like that.
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Last edited by Banjocal at Dec 16, 2015,
#19
When someone pretends to hold their breath for a really long time but breathe through their nose.
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#20
Quote by Cardbored
When someone pretends to hold their breath for a really long time but breathe through their nose.



Worst kind of scum
Quote by zgr0826
My culture is worthless and absolutely inferior to the almighty Leaf.


Quote by JustRooster
I incurred the wrath of the Association of White Knights. Specifically the Parent's Basement branch of service.
#21
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Personally I'd not be happy with my SO kissing anyone else on the lips and anything "further" than that too. But if she was texting someone else or anything "emotionally" cheating so to speak eg. sexting or anything that'd also be outta the question. Also if she was walking around town holding hands with a guy that's a no from me.

I think this is most people (all of my past relationships were like this; my husband and I are first experiencing this with each other bc we're the first people we've ever been with who make us feel comfortable enough to talk to each other as candidly as we do)


I had some bf before though who got really mad at me for making dinner with a bunch of my dude friends at their apartment and then asked me how I couldn't see how that was a date.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
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#22
Quote by Cardbored
When someone pretends to hold their breath for a really long time but breathe through their nose.

ugh
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
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#23
speaking to or looking in the general direction or another male.

wearing clothing that reveals the ankles.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#24
Quote by vintage x metal
I think this is most people (all of my past relationships were like this; my husband and I are first experiencing this with each other bc we're the first people we've ever been with who make us feel comfortable enough to talk to each other as candidly as we do)


I had some bf before though who got really mad at me for making dinner with a bunch of my dude friends at their apartment and then asked me how I couldn't see how that was a date.


Dats silly

It all depends on context of relationship and stuff

I have a bunch of female friends that are 100% platonic I'd never see them in that way so we hang out alone and stuff and I could see why their boyfriends might end up being annoyed at that...but if I got a girlfriend and she had close male friends like you can't stop them hanging out together in that way so you just gotta trust them and roll with it. What would get dodgy is if a new guy came in and she was hanging out with him like that
#25
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Dats silly

It all depends on context of relationship and stuff

I have a bunch of female friends that are 100% platonic I'd never see them in that way so we hang out alone and stuff and I could see why their boyfriends might end up being annoyed at that...but if I got a girlfriend and she had close male friends like you can't stop them hanging out together in that way so you just gotta trust them and roll with it. What would get dodgy is if a new guy came in and she was hanging out with him like that

this guy had never dated anyone before so he was just freakin out. was sad - he was a nice guy otherwise but I couldn't deal with the trust issues + stubbornness
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
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#26
Being romantically or sexually involved with another person without the knowledge or consent of your partner.
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#27
Quote by OddOneOut
Being romantically or sexually involved with another person without the knowledge or and consent of your partner.


Minor edit.
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”
Charles Darwin
#28
It begins and ends with credentials:

5 inches and untalented(or unwilling) tongue = Cut your losses...
11 inches and talented(and willing) tongue = You marry that WIN...

Everybody Dies
Ignorance is NOT just what you DO NOT know but what you WILL NOT know

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Siempre gritar tu nombre
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Estas lágrimas de invierno , son solamente para usted
Last edited by AllJudasPriest at Dec 16, 2015,
#30
Quote by AllJudasPriest
It begins and ends with credentials:

5 inches and untalented(or unwilling) tongue = Cut your losses...
11 inches and talented(and willing) tongue = You marry that WIN...


Scenario:

5 inches and has world's longest tongue

11 inches and they lost their tongue in a horrific ice cream accident

Go
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~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#31
Quote by AllJudasPriest
It begins and ends with credentials:

5 inches and untalented(or unwilling) tongue = Cut your losses...
11 inches and talented(and willing) tongue = You marry that WIN...



Size queen...
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”
Charles Darwin
#32
cheating is the intentional breaking of rules that were agreed upon by participants
it's all just coming back
it's all coming back

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#33
Quote by Baby Joel
cheating is the intentional breaking of rules that were agreed upon by participants



Do they have to be agreed upon, though?
Check out my band Disturbed
#34
Quote by Arby911
Minor edit.

I'll take that.
Quote by Renka
OddOneOut is an Essex S&M mistress and not a pirate or a computer program.

#35
a better way to say it might be the breaking of rules that the breaker of said rules had integrity for.
it's all just coming back
it's all coming back

it's all coming back to me
#36
Quote by Baby Joel
a better way to say it might be the breaking of rules that the breaker of said rules had integrity for.



I'm not trying to be difficult, but what I'm getting at is this:


You enter a relationship without discussing what is and isn't cheating. Partner kisses somebody else. You feel it is cheating, they do not, because polyamory or w/e. Is it cheating only if one partner feels that a moral betrayal has taken place?


It's a really difficult topic
Check out my band Disturbed
#37
Quote by Baby Joel
cheating is the intentional breaking of rules that were agreed upon by participants


great answer if it was true but more often than not it isn't. i've never really had any real discussion about this with a girlfriend. having sex with another person has always been the gold standard. everything else has been a crap shoot. my wife thinks damn near anything is cheating which causes many issues. look at anything remotely related to porn - cheating, talk to some girl - cheating and the list goes on. now there is a huge double standard as she talks to men on occasion and gets hit on on facebook fairly regularily. of course to her it's well i'm trust worthy and i tell you. me, i'm a guy so i'll cheat first chance i get according to her. i've never cheated in the traditional sense nor would i. i understand she has major trust issues and has had some really bad relationships. it does get tiresome that she is so insecure. how secure you are is the key to your reactions to the thought of cheating.

i've found that often if the man brings up the subject that the woman assumes you are looking for loop holes so men don't. woman seem to often thinnk that we just magically should know so again it comes up only when you have done something they find offensive. even if you did talk about it "add ons" only come up again when you did something they don't like. saying "well you never said that" only digs you deepr in the hole.
#38
Quote by StewieSwan
I'm not trying to be difficult, but what I'm getting at is this:


You enter a relationship without discussing what is and isn't cheating. Partner kisses somebody else. You feel it is cheating, they do not, because polyamory or w/e. Is it cheating only if one partner feels that a moral betrayal has taken place?


It's a really difficult topic

I think it's obviously cheating if you haven't discussed it. I think texting somebody is one thing, but most poly people know to ask their partners if they are comfortable with something physical before trying it just out of respect
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#39
nah it is really tricky for sure. there can't be a singular definition of 'cheating' because it would imply that there's a universal moral standard when it comes to relationships, but there isn't, so there's not. there is always going to be someone, if not both (or all) members of a relationship who will have to compromise their 'rules' or parameters on what the relationship is, so that the other party is satisfied.

so ideally, you'd have to have a chat and define, together, what the parameters are.
it's all just coming back
it's all coming back

it's all coming back to me
#40
"I am fucking your girlfriend and there is nothing you can do about it" - G Eazy
You hit 'em and they get back up
I hit 'em and they stay down
- Frank Castle
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