#1
What do you say?

I'd say something like:

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.

Sincerely,

A Free Thinker
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#2
I'm not gonna show you the e-mails now drop it.
Quote by Carmel
I can't believe you are whoring yourself out like that.

ಠ_ಠ
#3
Your skin would make a nice addition to my collection
Come back if you want to
And remember who you are
‘Cause there's nothing here for you my dear
And everything must pass
#9
I can't make you love me.

But this email might help.

Sincerely
Me
Quote by Ichikurosaki
sloth is hacking away feebly at the grass because he is a sloth but he was trying so hard ;_; hes all "penguin im HERE i am here to help you penguin"
#10
Dear amazing woman I haven't met,

Take me as I am. Put your hand in mine. Now and forever. Darling here I stand, stand before you now. Deep inside I always knew. It was you, you and me. Two hearts drawn together bound by destiny. It was you and you for me. Every road leads to your door. Every step I take forever more!

Sincerely, Josh
#11
Quote by ali.guitarkid7 at #33745255
Dear Erik,




Love,
Ali

*faints*
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#12
I am rich
You who build these altars now

To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore
#13
REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND 'TOP SECRET'. I AM SURE AND HAVE CONFIDENCE OF YOUR ABILITY AND RELIABILITY TO PROSECUTE A TRANSACTION OF THIS GREAT MAGNITUDE INVOLVING A PENDING TRANSACTION REQUIRING MAXIIMUM CONFIDENCE.

WE ARE TOP OFFICIAL OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL WHO ARE INTERESTED IN IMPORATION OF GOODS INTO OUR COUNTRY WITH FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN NIGERIA. IN ORDER TO COMMENCE THIS BUSINESS WE SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE TO ENABLE US TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT THE SAID TRAPPED FUNDS.

THE SOURCE OF THIS FUND IS AS FOLLOWS; DURING THE LAST MILITARY REGIME HERE IN NIGERIA, THE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS SET UP COMPANIES AND AWARDED THEMSELVES CONTRACTS WHICH WERE GROSSLY OVER-INVOICED IN VARIOUS MINISTRIES. THE PRESENT CIVILIAN GOVERNMENT SET UP A CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL AND WE HAVE IDENTIFIED A LOT OF INFLATED CONTRACT FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY FLOATING IN THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA READY FOR PAYMENT.

HOWEVER, BY VIRTUE OF OUR POSITION AS CIVIL SERVANTS AND MEMBERS OF THIS PANEL, WE CANNOT ACQUIRE THIS MONEY IN OUR NAMES. I HAVE THEREFORE, BEEN DELEGATED AS A MATTER OF TRUST BY MY COLLEAGUES OF THE PANEL TO LOOK FOR AN OVERSEAS PARTNER INTO WHOSE ACCOUNT WE WOULD TRANSFER THE SUM OF US$21,320,000.00(TWENTY ONE MILLION, THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND U.S DOLLARS). HENCE WE ARE WRITING YOU THIS LETTER. WE HAVE AGREED TO SHARE THE MONEY THUS; 1. 20% FOR THE ACCOUNT OWNER 2. 70% FOR US (THE OFFICIALS) 3. 10% TO BE USED IN SETTLING TAXATION AND ALL LOCAL AND FOREIGN EXPENSES. IT IS FROM THE 70% THAT WE WISH TO COMMENCE THE IMPORTATION BUSINESS.

PLEASE,NOTE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% SAFE AND WE HOPE TO COMMENCE THE TRANSFER LATEST SEVEN (7) BANKING DAYS FROM THE DATE OF THE RECEIPT OF THE FOLLOWING INFORMATIOM BY TEL/FAX; 234-1-7740449, YOUR COMPANY'S SIGNED, AND STAMPED LETTERHEAD PAPER THE ABOVE INFORMATION WILL ENABLE US WRITE LETTERS OF CLAIM AND JOB DESCRIPTION RESPECTIVELY. THIS WAY WE WILL USE YOUR COMPANY'S NAME TO APPLY FOR PAYMENT AND RE-AWARD THE CONTRACT IN YOUR COMPANY'S NAME.

WE ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING THIS BUSINESS WITH YOU AND SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENTIALITY IN THIS TRANSATION. PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF THIS LETTER USING THE ABOVE TEL/FAX NUMBERS. I WILL SEND YOU DETAILED INFORMATION OF THIS PENDING PROJECT WHEN I HAVE HEARD FROM YOU.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

DR CLEMENT OKON

NOTE; PLEASE QUOTE THIS REFERENCE NUMBER (VE/S/09/99) IN ALL YOUR RESPONSES.


Shamelessly copypasted from snopes
#14
I'm, Katty Desmond,i am interested in you after going through your Facebook page I would have like to have some discussion with you. If you don't mind.i will also like to seek your advice too I think we can help each other.I do not care where my kind of friend comes from provided he/she is a decent person, i wait eagerly to see your mail, i will send you my details with my pictures after you have replied to my email.(kattydesmond03@live.com)


shamelessly copypasted from my email inbox

she told me to mail some money to her vicar or some shit
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#15
idk if I'm being realistic I'm pretty unlovable
Quote by EndTheRapture51
who pays five hundred fucking dollars for a burger
#16
Quote by Trowzaa
shamelessly copypasted from my email inbox

she told me to mail some money to her vicar or some shit

Should have mailed him some monopoly money.
#17
sup girl how u livin

i have tickets to see the fresh prince and dj jazzy jeff next year would u like to go w/ me
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#19
Dear lover,

I'm a big fan of your pornographic work and it excited me greatly when you retweeted me. Also, if you believe in God, that's a dealbreaker.

Love,
Manti Ne'O.
Free Ali
#20
Eyy bay BAYYYY so like I'm glad I got ur email but I'm pretty sure I asked u for dem digits ayyyy lmao
Quote by snipelfritz
You lost me at "Lubricate."

I'm raw, like nature. Nature boy. Big jungle leaves are my cum rags.

Sometimes I fuck a bamboo shoot.


There's nothing left here to be saved
Just barreling dogs and barking trains
Another year lost to the blue line
#21
I would write a letter that makes me sound as interesting/charming as possible to an "ex" (nonexistent) to let them know I'm still thinking of them fondly and intimately and that I hope they're doing well, then send it to the "wrong address"
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#24
Dear M'lady,

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

Tips fedora,

E7#9

P.S. Please respond
Last edited by E7#9 at Dec 25, 2015,
#28
Quote by Eastwinn

game over
it's all just coming back
it's all coming back

it's all coming back to me
#29
ey b0ss

i eat ass

gib me d pussi b0ss
"I think, as a musician, you should practice your technique to be as good as you need to be to facilitate whatever ideas come into your head."
- Devin Townsend
#35
please listen to the attached Ergs and Descendents songs. love me. i can touch your boobs and butt nicer than anyone ever has before. also i have a handsome penis.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#36
Quote by ErikLensherr
What do you say?

I'd say something like:

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.

Sincerely,

A Free Thinker

Just a picture of me in my budgies
Quote by Vornik
Thanks for the advice. I'm going to put it, along with your other advice, into a book, the pages of which I will then use to wipe my ass.
#37
Quote by jakesmellspoo
please listen to the attached Ergs and Descendents songs. love me. i can touch your boobs and butt nicer than anyone ever has before. also i have a handsome penis.

You sound like the stereotypical indian dudes that comment on random girls photos on Facebook.....
Quote by DardySon
I am a wealthy white man with a big penis.

more accurate depiction
Come back if you want to
And remember who you are
‘Cause there's nothing here for you my dear
And everything must pass
Last edited by i_lovemetallica at Dec 28, 2015,
#38
Quote by dann_blood
Just a picture of me in my budgies

Yeah righto, calm down Tony.

EDIT:
Quote by i_lovemetallica
more accurate depiction

Nah she needs to know that I'm white because that lets her know that I have a stable job and won't walkout on her if I knock her up.

EDIT 2: Wait never mind just saw your edit.
Last edited by DardySon at Dec 28, 2015,