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#1
tl;dr talk about being pretentious

on this forum i hate on a lot of stuff. but you know this is clearly banter. (my relationship with alcohol is more complicated than i make it out to be, and i don't think i've ever said "meat is murder" out loud except when talking about the smiths, etc etc.) i act pretentious for laughs, yeah, but in actual fact i really am pretentious, just not so dramatically. now i don't like to admit this sort of stuff even to an internet forum (that's pathetic i know). i pretend like i don't have insecurities or faults so i can take the high ground and whatever, but truly i just don't like to facing my own insecurities. and that has been shitty for me lately.

do i honestly think i'm better for listening to x or believing x or whatever? nah, not really. if i do, it's just me trying to quickly justify my own pretentious behavior while momentarily forgetting my more important principles (art is too subjective to bother arguing about, don't be a huge prick, etc)

i've thought about this for a while and i've realized that i have a serious fear of being perceived as boring. i haven't entirely figured out why yet (i think it's actually a more nuanced issue), but among other issues i see in myself, i think this fear causes me to act pretentious (in real life, the internet doesn't matter).

pretentious people are overall pretty boring, sure, but think about it. by acting pretentious you clearly express your ~varied~ tastes in media and activities and let others know that you will brand your words and actions with your ~unique~ personality. sure in the end it doesn't amount to much, but it's stable. being earnest feels like a greater risk, especially when you fear that you're truly pretty boring. if you're sincere you don't have to immediate chance to set yourself apart from everyone else on a clear basis.

now i don't go running around like a stereotypical drama/theater kid or something. i don't care what some lady at burger king thinks of me, not more than anyone else does. this fear of being boring comes up when i form more significant relationships with people and it's become apparent to me that all of my closest friends see me as kind of pretentious as a result. they don't strictly mind, since they did end up my friend anyway, but i mind. i don't want to be the grumpy did with picky tastes in music or movies or existing. that's not really me, i really really don't give a shit, but it's the way i act anyway because i'm driven more by my own anxieties than my principles and that's apparent in so many other facets of my life.

so i'm figuring this stuff out for the new year. it's sort of like a resolution or whatever. gonna not be so shitty in my own eyes

share your experiences with pretentiousness. can you relate to what i said, do you feel like you're pretentious, etc etc
#3
I can relate to what you've said, but I've learned to be much more able to approach my own problems and stuff without it being a potentially big deal or anxiety inducing act. I've gotten better at rationally (and realistically) analyzing my own faults and strengths.

I'm also very confident in a lot of my beliefs and opinions, so I suppose that comes across as pretentious?

I try to pride myself of being self-aware. Most of that has come from me growing as a person because of my wife
My God, it's full of stars!
#5
I turn elitist in type-form, and act pretentious around people that know me. Otherwise no
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#6
Quote by Dreadnought
I can relate to what you've said, but I've learned to be much more able to approach my own problems and stuff without it being a potentially big deal or anxiety inducing act. I've gotten better at rationally (and realistically) analyzing my own faults and strengths.

I'm also very confident in a lot of my beliefs and opinions, so I suppose that comes across as pretentious?

I try to pride myself of being self-aware. Most of that has come from me growing as a person because of my wife


i used to pride myself in being self-aware but now i'm completely doubting it and the viewers of the ean scott tv show are feeling the dramatic irony deep in their gonads
#7
im sure a lot of people probably think im pretentious, but those actually know me know that couldn't be further from the truth.
Quote by yellowfrizbee
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Bitches be Crazy.

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#8
the self aware thing I can relate to. I wouldn't say I prided myself but I thought I had it and I'd use it to stop myself from doing stupid shit. now I question how much of my self image is based on reality at all lol.
#9
I find people that use the word pretentious to describe progressive rock bands like Rush and King Crimson to be fucking idiots.
#10
yeah i moved around a lot and am the youngest in my family so i felt like i needed to create a strong identity for myself to separate me from whatever classification people put me in (whether it was my family, mormon, american, etc). it came out real strong in high school and particularly with music and i became a real snobby prick about it because it gave me something really specific to identify with.

i think that's why it's easy to be pretentious with things like music or films or books. like you said, it's solid. i don't know who i am but i can create imaginary parameters based on something tangible that puts me safely inside the 'good' zone. whether it was good lyrics, or emotional guitar solos, or any other bollocks, it was something that i could create to feel good about myself.

i was actually kind of thinking about something like this the other day. there's two ways (among many) to create self-value. one is by putting others down, which makes them worth less than you. the other is putting yourself up, making you more valuable than anything else. the end result is the same, it's still fabrications that create a false sense of worth, but the method is different. one focuses on the environment and alienates it. the other ignores the environment. so in high school i paid so much attention to the world so that i could find things to hate. and that's what i built my identity around. other people completely ignored the world and only focused on themselves (this would be the stereotyped valley-girl blonde thing). one is pretence, the other is ignorance

i've tried a lot the past year to get a 'true' value of myself and man it's hard. i don't know who i am at all and i have no idea how to present myself anymore. i'm done with facades and acting, but i don't know what else to do so i just isolate
it's all just coming back
it's all coming back

it's all coming back to me
#11
Quote by Eastwinn
i used to pride myself in being self-aware but now i'm completely doubting it and the viewers of the ean scott tv show are feeling the dramatic irony deep in their gonads


'ean scott tv show'? Are we related??
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#12
okay I just read that whole thing and people say I'm weird in a good way and that I'm impossible to imitate and that a big reason for this is that I'm openly vulnerable (but not in a whiny way I guess) so idk about the earnest part but I also don't believe them and I view myself as boring. speaking of my lack of self awareness lol
#13
Only when it comes to programming lol. I feel a little pretentious there, but I never try to act like it because I'd hate for another person to have to stand me.

In other parts of my life ... nah. I'd like to be self-conscious about it and at the very least not act towards others pretentiously. Though I'm not really that self-aware. Hope people tell me when I'm being pretentious so I can smack myself in the face.
#14
I'm pretentious, but that's because I'm always right.

Not sure if that actually makes me pretentious though.
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#16
Quote by bradulator
I am pretty much the same way.

I don't know if there's any way to stop it.


Learn the olympic lifts
My God, it's full of stars!
#17
earnestness takes practice, but people like you much more at the end of the day and you end up cooler than if you had refused

I understand though; I struggled w this for a long time bc social anxiety ☺
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#18
Quote by Baby Joel
yeah i moved around a lot and am the youngest in my family so i felt like i needed to create a strong identity for myself to separate me from whatever classification people put me in (whether it was my family, mormon, american, etc). it came out real strong in high school and particularly with music and i became a real snobby prick about it because it gave me something really specific to identify with.

i think that's why it's easy to be pretentious with things like music or films or books. like you said, it's solid. i don't know who i am but i can create imaginary parameters based on something tangible that puts me safely inside the 'good' zone. whether it was good lyrics, or emotional guitar solos, or any other bollocks, it was something that i could create to feel good about myself.

i was actually kind of thinking about something like this the other day. there's two ways (among many) to create self-value. one is by putting others down, which makes them worth less than you. the other is putting yourself up, making you more valuable than anything else. the end result is the same, it's still fabrications that create a false sense of worth, but the method is different. one focuses on the environment and alienates it. the other ignores the environment. so in high school i paid so much attention to the world so that i could find things to hate. and that's what i built my identity around. other people completely ignored the world and only focused on themselves (this would be the stereotyped valley-girl blonde thing). one is pretence, the other is ignorance

i've tried a lot the past year to get a 'true' value of myself and man it's hard. i don't know who i am at all and i have no idea how to present myself anymore. i'm done with facades and acting, but i don't know what else to do so i just isolate


i relate to this a lot, but i don't know if i agree with your grand theory. like i just don't know. it feels too simple.

brad: yeah i know i've realized that we're way similar and it wigs me out. i get brad vibes from myself all the time. i'm gonna figure out how to stop it. like, i straight up quit an addiction to benzos and that fucking sucked so i think i can handle a little self-improvement ya know? cause i thought a lot of my personal problems were due to addiction and in many ways i was dead on but having thoroughly put that shit behind me i can finally see how much else i have to iron out.
#20
Quote by Eastwinn
i relate to this a lot, but i don't know if i agree with your grand theory. like i just don't know. it feels too simple.

brad: yeah i know i've realized that we're way similar and it wigs me out. i get brad vibes from myself all the time. i'm gonna figure out how to stop it. like, i straight up quit an addiction to benzos and that fucking sucked so i think i can handle a little self-improvement ya know? cause i thought a lot of my personal problems were due to addiction and in many ways i was dead on but having thoroughly put that shit behind me i can finally see how much else i have to iron out.


Going against your usual/getting in touch with your 'dark side' (as Jung would say) is hard, but worth it.
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#21
like recently brad you mentioned that your natural state of conversing is low-key flirting so you have an easier time opening up to women than to men (cause you presumably prefer to flirt with women). i'm at the point where i limit my search for medical professionals to young women because besides the men i have an established relationship to, it's really hard for me to feel comfortable around dudes in a clinical/emotional setting. and it's not like i flirt with doctors either, obv, but it feels familiar off the bat.
#22
Quote by Eastwinn
i relate to this a lot, but i don't know if i agree with your grand theory. like i just don't know. it feels too simple.

brad: yeah i know i've realized that we're way similar and it wigs me out. i get brad vibes from myself all the time. i'm gonna figure out how to stop it. like, i straight up quit an addiction to benzos and that fucking sucked so i think i can handle a little self-improvement ya know? cause i thought a lot of my personal problems were due to addiction and in many ways i was dead on but having thoroughly put that shit behind me i can finally see how much else i have to iron out.

I dunno a lot about your personal life, but we seem to be in fairly similar places in life, with fairly similar personalities.

Over the last year or so i've tried to stop being more pretentious (or even faux pretentious) because I realized how it was an attempt to make up for my boringness. But I did make improvements I think and came to terms with myself being a bit boring. Oddly enough when I get bored I start "acting" again (like the past two weeks nonstop tbh). Especially on the internet. In real life i'm pretty normal and okay with my boringness. The pretentiousness does not typically carry itself over. Sometimes it does, but i've done a lot better the last few weeks of allowing the thoughts to stay hidden and move on without me having to act on them.

I don't even know what my point is but I think i've made slow improvements by accepting my likes and not using them as a way to show that i'm better than somebody else. Everybody's a little fake anyway, so i'm content with the progress.

Still dunno mah point.
#23
Quote by Eastwinn
like recently brad you mentioned that your natural state of conversing is low-key flirting so you have an easier time opening up to women than to men (cause you presumably prefer to flirt with women). i'm at the point where i limit my search for medical professionals to young women because besides the men i have an established relationship to, it's really hard for me to feel comfortable around dudes in a clinical/emotional setting. and it's not like i flirt with doctors either, obv, but it feels familiar off the bat.

Yeah, for me it's almost like i'm intimidated by other males because I do not fit the stereotype for "being a man" or whatever so I generally do not share commonalities with them and it gets awkward. Usually if i'm with dudes I gotta act like i'm manlier than I am because of those insecurities, and I don't like to do that. With females, there isn't that pressure.
#24
at the end of the year you guys get real sappy

like, chill

Quote by Pastafarian96
I an evety characyer in this story
#27
Quote by M00NAGEDAYDREAM
at the end of the year you guys get real sappy

like, chill


Look at this clearly insecure and uncomfortable dude

Get a grip m8
My God, it's full of stars!
#28
Quote by bradulator
Yeah, for me it's almost like i'm intimidated by other males because I do not fit the stereotype for "being a man" or whatever so I generally do not share commonalities with them and it gets awkward. Usually if i'm with dudes I gotta act like i'm manlier than I am because of those insecurities, and I don't like to do that. With females, there isn't that pressure.


>tfw your male-buds are talking about women, and a few of the terms thrown out aren't entirely respectful


I find myself singing along to Gwen Stefani sometimes, even with the man-ness and whatnot
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#29
ug has come a long way; so lovely
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#30
Sometimes I'm mean for no reason.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#31
Quote by Dreadnought
Look at this clearly insecure and uncomfortable dude

Get a grip m8


the world has turned and left me here

Quote by Pastafarian96
I an evety characyer in this story
#32
Quote by ErikLensherr
Sometimes I'm mean for no reason.

usually there is a reason, sometimes it's not so explicit. you don't seem like a mean-hearted person anyway so maybe something gets the better of you in certain moments
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#33
Quote by vintage x metal at #33750201
usually there is a reason, sometimes it's not so explicit. you don't seem like a mean-hearted person anyway so maybe something gets the better of you in certain moments

Aw thanks butthead.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#34
in this case, for the lolz and to diffuse the sincerity implicit in acknowledging such a comment.

you a Scorpio? (I am usually bad at this so probably not)
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#36
Quote by Fat Lard
Don't buy into that horroscope nonsense. Erik is sooo libra

hm I could see that

I don't read horoscopes but it's fun to keep up w the celestial stuff
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#37
i am not afraid that anyone will think i am "pretentious" in the sense of being elitist (sorry not sorry), but rather in the sense that someone will see me a shallow dilettante who is just trying to rack up cultural capital by liking the right things (ie. the reason i am suspicious of people who post their 25 favorite albums of 2015 on facebook).
#38
Quote by vintage x metal
in this case, for the lolz and to diffuse the sincerity implicit in acknowledging such a comment.

you a Scorpio? (I am usually bad at this so probably not)

i am a scorpio tell me my future
#39
I'm indeed a Libra
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#40
Quote by M00NAGEDAYDREAM
the world has turned and left me here


That'd be pretty sick, if it was scientifically possible. Imagine Atlas'ing and turning the world from a stationary point, insane.
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