#1
Incoherent! Incoherent!
Speak in meaningless,
don't speak in tongues,
because language itself will cease to exist
one day
and everything you once worshipped
will perish within semantics.

[Rise from the ashes of your fallen spirit]
Let the world know that your body is a temple
for no man
before becoming the very thing that you promised to destroy.

Ashlands turning into friends,
predisposed to being thrown
again
like a fleeting stranger among the cut-throat.

When time itself is against you,
what else is there to lose?

Farewells was never an exact science;
"Amen" loves the sound of unbounded chaos,
the same disorder that once brought me closer to you.
You never knew me. But I, with every fibre of my now disfigured soul.
will always regret that I even remember you.

Adore life -
or be infactuated by meaningless
and let it be the end of you... I'm now a man
that belongs.
Last edited by Bleed Away at May 19, 2016,
#2
Incoherent! Incoherent!
Speak in meaningless,
don't speak in togues,
because language itself will cease to exist
one day
and everything you once worshipped
will perish within semantics.


The first stanza is really great. I kind of wanted it to end with the fervor that it began with, though.

[Rise from the ashes of your fallen spirit]
Let the world know that your body is a temple
for no man
before becoming the very thing that you promised to destroy.


This reads like a #yesallwomen tumblr blog. Sorry, not super into it.

Ashlands turning into friends,
predisposed to being thrown
again
like a fleeting stranger among the cut-throat.

When time itself is against you,
what else is there to lose?


Good pacing.

Farewells was never an exact science;
"Amen" loves the sound of unbounded chaos,
the same disorder that once brought me closer to you.
You never knew me. But I, with every fibre of my now disfigured soul.
will always regret that I even remember you.


This starts off really great! I think that you swap from imagery to narrative rather abruptly. I just wonder if you could restructure the last two sentences to say the same thing in a way that blends with the rest of the stanza.

Adore life -
or be infactuated by meaningless
and let it be the end of you... I'm now a man
that belongs.


Bitches always be trippin', do you.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER