#1
those of you who've listened to any more than 1 of my songs know that i write long songs, but that's just how i write. this is the first time that i'm writing an actual epic. it's already about 6 and a half minutes long, and it's not even close to done haha (also only one part has vocals/lyrics yet, so dont mind if the one vocal part seems abrupt)

it's about a mentally unstable man who gets sent through his own subconscious and has to face physical manifestations of his internal demons (i can post the story that i have so far if you guys want, but the section markers do a pretty good job of it).

as usual, make sure the reverb on the lead guitar and strings are turned up if you want the best sound. this piece means a lot to me, so i'd love some serious input! and as usual i'll return the favor

Update 1: ive started working on the 3rd chapter, but i need suggestions for transitions to it. the current one (a fade-out power chord) is only a filler (and pretty trash IMO). please help me smoothly transition to it! im also thinking of having a key change and bass solo next and would love some opinions
Attachments:
My Remedial Investigation.gp5.zip
My Remedial Investigation update 1.gp5.zip
Last edited by pAWNlol at Mar 4, 2016,
#4
Although I'm not good at critiquing since I don't have much knowledge of songwriting or music theory, I can tell you what didn't sound that good to me: The bridge from bars 82-89 sounds very much out of place, that is to say, it doesn't fit in with the preceding and succeeding riffs, and the transitions at 82-83 and 89-90 sound abrupt.

The bridge from 34-37 sounds weird, even though the part starting at 38 is pretty good. I'm supposing that bridge is there to introduce the time signature change, but I think it would be better to change the time sig at bar 38 itself and modify the bridge just before it (that's just my opinion though).

Finally, Chapter 2 sounds okay, but bland compared to Chapter 1. Chapter 1 sounds really nice, especially the part from bars 38-49 and from 58-81.

Hope that's helpful!
#5
thanks for the input man!

im definitely trying to work on that transition, dont worry!

and yeah, i can see what you mean. ill play around with the transition at 34 too. i might have a few ideas for it

i see what you mean about chapter 2. ill give it some more thought. in the meantime, thankfully its nowhere near done. plenty more potential
#6
The first three parts are actually really good, really like Through the tunnel. Good choice of notes and synth chords and what not. Feels like Evergrey and Tesseract made a love child.

Now, bar 34 doesn't sit right with me. It feels kind of out of place, I would just suggest removing it, I think it flows pretty good into the next part.

Wasn't really a huge fan of Trenches I'm afraid. Feels a bit too much like metal core to me (but if that's what you were going for, great). I tried changing the chords in bar 39 to 8x77 and 8x79, instead of 8x710, not sure if it's better though.

The plan is pretty good, return fire is feels like trenches pt 2.

Brain Scan is awesome. It's just so good, I feel like I could eat it up. The next part is really good as well, with the solo and all, so no complaints. Really feels like both a Destrage riff and solo.

The eyes of the enemy is good. Feels kinda like something out of Six degrees of inner turbulence.

Mano y mano is some Megadeth shit, good stuff.

Fighting dirty is also good, like Brain Scan but less DT and more Maiden.

Sorry if I was a bit too harsh, I do not mean to offend.
Last edited by CheesyMozarella at Feb 22, 2016,
#7
Quote by CheesyMozarella
Really feels like both a Destrage riff and solo.

The eyes of the enemy is good. Feels kinda like something out of Six degrees of inner turbulence.

Mano y mano is some Megadeth shit, good stuff.

Fighting dirty is also good, like Brain Scan but less DT and more Maiden.

im a huge fan of destrage (and all the other influences you mentioned) so this here was a huge compliment/flattery to me haha dont worry about offending me bro and it seems quite a few people arent a big fan of that transition. ill try to think of some alternatives, but id love to hear some ideas in the meantime if you have any
#8
Hey, thanks for reviewing Recovery for me.

I've taken a look at this song before, and I remember enjoying it. Since this is a fairly long song, I'll mostly be picking out sections that stick out to me.

The Beginning of the Journey

I didn't really have any strong feelings here. The rifs were pretty good although nothing groundbreaking. The drums were very well done though.

Through the Tunnel

I liked the riff here quite a bit more than the intro riff.

Brain Scan I

My favorite part up to this point. I like the slight chord variations during the riff.


Trenches 2

I think that the little licks here could use a bit more variation--they remind me a bit too much of the previous incarnation. It's not bad by any means though.

Eyes of the Enemy

Very foreboding. Reminds me of the start of a final boss battle in an RPG. It's kinda like when you go through a whole bunch of difficult monsters and mini-bosses, your party's worn out, your items are running low--and then you finally get to the main villain and you know that shit's about to get REALLY real.

Chapter 2

The transition to this part is a bit strange, and bars 90-101 are a bit sparse, even as a build-up part. I'd imagine that the gradual addition of instruments could work well in this instance, but then again, that might not be the effect that you're going for.


Mano y Mano and A Worthy Adversary

Simple riff, but this section is fun to listen to. Solo is good. I like the switch into the next section.

I see where you were going with bars 161-166. You may be able to do an intensity build within this section, but it's your choice.

Bars 168-onward, infectious head bobbing.
#10
Quote by pAWNlol
i need help transitioning into chapter 3! i dont like the current one


I see what you mean. Unfortunately, the previous section sounds as if it really does want to resolve to F#. I tried to toy around with it a little bit under the assumption that we'd still use the power-chord and fade that out. I'd imagine that a good way to make that transition a bit more palatable is to add in some arpeggiated chords (8th notes) in the clean tracks. With that, you'd have some room to experiment with chordal superimposition, and I think that it could sound really cool.
#11
im not entirely sure what you mean, especially by the "chordal superimposition"

TBH im probably not going to segue into it directly, so the "transition" will probably be much longer

also, in case it wasnt clear, the key change will take place after the guitar solo in chapter 3