#1
Here are a couple of songs (guitar pro and midi) that I've written and sporadically modified over the past few years, but I realize that my opinion alone on the songwriting doesn't mean much. I really need some external feedback so that I can get to know the flaws and improve upon my songwriting in general.

Therefore I'd appreciate some honest feedback, especially about those parts which don't sound good. Of course, it would be good to hear what parts sound good according to you as well, and this way I can form an idea of what I did wrong/right.

And of course, C4C - I'd be glad to provide thorough feedback on your songs too, if needed
Attachments:
Outset_2016.zip
#2
TBH im not really a big fan of the first song, outset. the opening riff is pretty cool, but could use some tweaking (perhaps some variation, or different chords).

solo 1 feels pretty directionless and doesn't really add much to the song

riff 2 and 3 are pretty good. nothing spectacular, but maybe im just an elitist snob

im really not a fan of the bridge. going from fast-paced thrash to something like doom metal is hard enough, but with no transition? i might save it for a different song if i were you, and maybe tweak some of the chords (the second solo is pretty good though. still somewhat directionless though)

solo 3 suffers from the same flaws. your lead work has a lot of potential, but feels soulless (like a youtube jam track) and directionless, like my solos when i first discovered scales haha

the harmony lead is definitely one of the stronger parts of the song, but not without its flaws (same as before)

solo 4, same deal

solo 5, same deal

i would really recommend changing up the harmonics on the outro. a lot of out-of-place notes, especially that 9th fret harmonic

song 2: renewal


i like this song much more. riff 1 is pretty damn cool, but id recommend trying some different chords for riff 2

the bridge is okay, but nothing spectacular

i want to like solo 1, it has a ton of potential, but alas suffers from the same problems as the others.

solo 2...let me apologize in advance if i come across as a dick, but: i really dont like it. the rhythm underneath it okay at best, the lead seems to playing random notes, and it drags on for too long.

i do, however, really like the bridge after it. nice and heavy (until measures 92 and 93)

riff 1 again, no complaints

riff 2 again, same complaints as before

another sudden tempo drop, eh? you seem to like those. theres nothing inherently wrong with it, but it could stand a better transition (or one to begin with)

solo 3, same complaints as the other leads

solo 4 same deal

the outro, which is essentially the intro lead again, isnt bad. but it drags on for way too long


all in all, i might be awfully critical/harsh, but its with good intentions. im actually happy to see someone taking an interest in thrash (a long favorite of mine). and despite all my shitty comments, you remind me a lot of myself a few years ago . the important thing is to keep writing, hold onto what you like and trash what you dont. its all a never ending process

if youre looking for good melodic thrash influences, id recommend battlecross, testament, havok, death angel, or the new megadeth album
#3
Thanks a lot! That was really helpful. So all in all, the main problems are transitions and that the solos feel directionless.

Regarding the latter, by direction do you mean that a solo should start off normally, then slowly build up to and undergo a "high point" - something like that? For example in the video below, 0:09 to 0:19 and 0:29 to 0:39 are buildups, and 0:19 to 0:29 and 0:39 to 0:49 could be called high points.

(Or it could be that I have the wrong idea of what provides direction to a solo)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyeoYSgkw-M
#4
everyone has their own interpretations to stuff like this, but i always like my solos to have a purpose and/or story

the nice thing about music is that there really isnt a wrong way to play or approach it
#5
Outset:
I actually like riff 1. Solo 1 was... interesting, to say the least. Well, if you were going for a what-the-fuck-is-going-on sound, it sort of works. the lead clashes with the rhythm at the end of bar 12, though (at least it sounds that way to me). probably the 12s in track 3.

Riff 2 - It sounds cool at first, it seems like the tonic switches from D to E, but then you go back down to D in bars 15-16 (i'm referring specifically to the chords that start off the riff, the 24 and 02). It's fine that you went back down to the D powerchord in 15-16, but then for some reason in bar 17 you didn't go back up to E? Was that intentional or not?

Riff 3 is pretty cool. At this point I can safely say this riff has a tonic of E at 24, when it goes higher, I'm thinking it would benefit from having a bass.

I don't really get the first two bars of Bridge. Also, I think 32-33 would sound way better if the first chord in each was based around the D minor chord (because that 13xxxx chord sooo desperately wants to fall back down to D minor). So, maybe something like 0242xx or even just 0224xx, 022xxx, etc. At this point it sounds like it doesn't know if it wants to be in G minor or D minor.

Do you know much theory? It might help if, say, you wanted to know why "Lead harmony" sounds the way it does, and how you could consistently achieve that sound without having unnecessary dissonance. I really like this part.

Also regarding that section, I'd probably change the rhythm guitar to triplets to match the lead, otherwise it might sound like a mess recorded.

bruh the positioning of Riff 1 after that buildup is sick.

Solo 4 starts off really cool (first two bars), and then kinda sounds... not as cool after that lol. Sometimes it sounds like you're using a particular note (D#) in places where it's not totally... necessary, like in bar 70 for example. That 15 (D#) throws me off, and also clashes with the chord underneath.

Solo 5 is actually like... probably the best solo in the song. The melodies in the lead make me think that you actually do know theory, lmao, because some of that stuff was actually really well-done. 81-82, 89-90 are really fucking good.

Drums in the outro are kind of awesome. I'm not a fan of the 9 harmonic on the low D string, though. It really clashes, I dont know if it'd sound better recorded or something.

so yeah overall, i think you have some great ideas but sometimes the execution isn't great, some "mistakes" here and there (although obviously in the end what matters is whether or not it sounds good to you)

If you're gonna solo for 4 bars, I don't think "telling a story" is really necessary, but it's good if the listener feels that something important actually just happened, rather than just shredding for the sake of shredding... if that makes sense. it should be something memorable.

for the record i don't really listen to thrash
Last edited by RedDeath9 at Feb 27, 2016,
#6
@RedDeath9: Thank you for the feedback! I don't know any music theory except time signature, a bit of song structure, tempo/note durations and note effects (vibrato, staccato, etc.). For the leads I just rely on what sounds good to my ears.

I will modify solo 4 and especially that 9 harmonic in the outro as two people have already pointed it out, and change up the bridge slightly. Also, from what you say, I think it would be useful to learn about key signatures.

Let me know if/when you get the time to check out the other song as well and thanks again for the advice!