#1
Working title.

Trying to get back into the writing game these last few days. This is what I've come up with:

Some things could be better, and I'd love for you to point them out! I'll gladly do C4C, though I'm usually all too blown away by the writing talent on here to leave anything constructive rather than just: "wow, that's awesome!", but I'll gladly try!

Anyway, enough talk, have a listen. I'll probably start recording it tomorrow, as I have a "deadline" (just an arrangement made with a friend that I should try and write something and get some constructive feedback) by Thursday this week.

EDIT: Oh, also, file is a bit of a mess at places, but it's listenable, I suppose.
Attachments:
Lunar Eclipse.gp5
#2
let me start by saying that if i dont complain or have any direct input on it, then assume i like it

im a bit of a prog snob too, so i get a little excited whenever i see odd time signatures but TBH some of the time signature changes seem too purposeful/planned; maybe im wrong and its just my interpretation. if i am right, then trust me: its usually better to write in standard time (4/4 or 8/8) by accident than to write in an odd time signature on purpose. it takes the life/fun out of it

for the part on measure 74, i think it would sound cooler if the organ parts were on the offbeats (just me personally).

i really like the part from 90-97. nice and melodic yet dark

also 109-112 grooves hard. a good example that odd time signatures dont have to necessarily be "odd". also the triplet part afterwards is pretty damn cool

overall id say youve got a pretty cool prog piece with a lot of potential. my biggest complaint is that the bass is severely lacking and dull. id recommend putting a lot more work and/or variety into the bass track (you can get by with what you have now, but do you really want a song that "gets by"?). trust me, a good bass track can dramatically improve a song (for good bass influences, id recommend BTBAM or early work by mudvayne)
#3
Quote by pAWNlol
let me start by saying that if i dont complain or have any direct input on it, then assume i like it

im a bit of a prog snob too, so i get a little excited whenever i see odd time signatures but TBH some of the time signature changes seem too purposeful/planned; maybe im wrong and its just my interpretation. if i am right, then trust me: its usually better to write in standard time (4/4 or 8/8) by accident than to write in an odd time signature on purpose. it takes the life/fun out of it

for the part on measure 74, i think it would sound cooler if the organ parts were on the offbeats (just me personally).

i really like the part from 90-97. nice and melodic yet dark

also 109-112 grooves hard. a good example that odd time signatures dont have to necessarily be "odd". also the triplet part afterwards is pretty damn cool

overall id say youve got a pretty cool prog piece with a lot of potential. my biggest complaint is that the bass is severely lacking and dull. id recommend putting a lot more work and/or variety into the bass track (you can get by with what you have now, but do you really want a song that "gets by"?). trust me, a good bass track can dramatically improve a song (for good bass influences, id recommend BTBAM or early work by mudvayne)


Woah, man, thanks so much for the quick reply! You're right on some of the time signatures being a bit planned, sort of anyway. An example is the intro melody, which I first played on the guitar, then just subtracted a note to get it 11/8. I liked it though, so I kept it, but I definitely hear what you're saying! On a related note, I'd actually love to be able to write more in 4/4, but my riffs never come out that way, well usually not, or they'll be 4/4 x 3 plus a 3/4 in the end. That's happened sooo many times! EDIT: Also, I suppose you could argue that there's no need for the 5/8+6/8 instead of 11/8 in the beginning, but I try to go with 4 bars of whatever I play for the most part. I don't really like having 3 bars of a melody. So I guess something aligns with 4 at least!

On a side note to the above, I'm sometimes at a community place (pardon my lack of English skills here), where we play some music, and I feel like such a noob, as I'm usually not able to play the songs very well, even if it's simple 4/4 and 4 chords. Of course it's very much on the spot, trying to follow along, without any practice. But then again, it's hardly my main genre.

I actually tried with the organ being off beat, and for some reason it sounded weird to my ears, but I may try it out again!

Thanks for the nice words!

And for the bass, yeah, it's something I need to work on on all my songs. Usually the bass just follows the guitar, and even if I tried making it not exactly do that all the time here, it still ended up doing so a lot and in parts also be very boring. Then again, I know my limits on a bass, so I try to write just within my limits or just above, so I could actually play it. Same goes for the guitar. I'm not a crazy shredder, so I try to stay with things I can play.

I'm heading to bed now (1:24 and I'm up in 6 hours or so), but I'll try and leave some feedback on some of your amazing stuff. If I forget don't hesitate to remind me!

Thanks again!

EDIT Again: Tried putting the organ on the off beat again, and now I like it a lot better that way. Thanks!
Last edited by Caelumamittendu at Feb 21, 2016,
#4
glad you took it well! honestly, if you want to practice, a metronome is your best friend (i know it sounds cliché, but it's true!). it might take a while, but being able to naturally play in odd time is glorious and worth the practice!

glad you like the suggestion(s)!

Edit: you don't have to be a shredder to kick ass man! and if you ever want any bass suggestions, i wouldn't mind helping
Last edited by pAWNlol at Feb 22, 2016,