#4
Joining this forum. Re-joining this forum after many years.


"Every day I wonder how many things I am dead wrong about."
Last edited by seanlang01 at Mar 14, 2016,
#5
I sneezed in a sports hall full of hundreds of people, as an exam was taking place. I put my hand over my mouth, and I ended up making a massive fart noise with my hand that reverberated all through the hall for a good 5 seconds.
Quote by TheSennaj
And well yes, I'll enjoy the carpal tunnel and tendonitis, because trying to get one is clearly smarter than any word you have spoken thus far.
#6
Quote by EndTheRapture51
As a 22 year old male I went to see Taylor Swift live

Also as a 23 year old



I thought you were a chick?!
Last edited by FunkyPunk666 at Mar 14, 2016,
#8
One day in high school I noticed every hot girl was smiling at me.
Before this day, no girl at that entire school had ever paid attention to me.
So my confidence is skyrockreting. I'm all like "Bout time these bitches realize who the pimp is" and "it must be this shirt or something"
So by lunchtime I'm super cocky. I'm winking back at girls, giving them the finger guns and whatnot.
Then I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror and there's a big peice of snot covering about 1/4 of my face.
#9
Some hot girls whistled at me in WalMart one time. I winked back and they all laughed.

On the way back to the car I noticed my pants were unzipped.
#10
I was playing on stage with a massive boner. And I didn't notice until someone told me. Oh, and it was at church
Originally posted by Joshua Garcia
I just come here to dick around.
And maybe occasionally wave my dick around.


My D is major
#11
Quote by The_Blode
^ I have loads of embarrassing moments...loads...I think the most recent one was when I was conversing with some colleagues at work...and one of them brought up the subject of ringworm...then I proceeded to tell them about how I had ringworm on my arms when I was a kid...awkward...embarrassing...

I think one of my most embarrassing moments in my life was when I was on an air plane and I was in the air plane toilet...and I started shaving...and I locked myself in there for like a good 10 minutes...then the flight attendant opened the door! And it was embarrassing xD really really embarrassing because I was still shaving! And I had my shirt off...really bad...

Also from that time, I remember I didn't take showers back in England...so my hair was really really shiny and I smelled pretty bad....embarrassing....

So many stories really that were embarrassing...
y not
#12
Quote by The_Blode
^ I have loads of embarrassing moments...loads...I think the most recent one was when I was conversing with some colleagues at work...and one of them brought up the subject of ringworm...then I proceeded to tell them about how I had ringworm on my arms when I was a kid...awkward...embarrassing...

I think one of my most embarrassing moments in my life was when I was on an air plane and I was in the air plane toilet...and I started shaving...and I locked myself in there for like a good 10 minutes...then the flight attendant opened the door! And it was embarrassing xD really really embarrassing because I was still shaving! And I had my shirt off...really bad...

Also from that time, I remember I didn't take showers back in England...so my hair was really really shiny and I smelled pretty bad....embarrassing....

So many stories really that were embarrassing...

My whole family got ringworm once from our cat

He was a kitten at the time and clearly his previous owners weren't good pet owners
#13
Quote by The_Blode
^ I have loads of embarrassing moments...loads...I think the most recent one was when I was conversing with some colleagues at work...and one of them brought up the subject of ringworm...then I proceeded to tell them about how I had ringworm on my arms when I was a kid...awkward...embarrassing...

I think one of my most embarrassing moments in my life was when I was on an air plane and I was in the air plane toilet...and I started shaving...and I locked myself in there for like a good 10 minutes...then the flight attendant opened the door! And it was embarrassing xD really really embarrassing because I was still shaving! And I had my shirt off...really bad...

Also from that time, I remember I didn't take showers back in England...so my hair was really really shiny and I smelled pretty bad....embarrassing....

So many stories really that were embarrassing...

First one isn't embarrassing at all

Second one: everything about that makes me want to slap you
#15
Quote by T00DEEPBLUE at #33879112
I sneezed in a sports hall full of hundreds of people, as an exam was taking place. I put my hand over my mouth, and I ended up making a massive fart noise with my hand that reverberated all through the hall for a good 5 seconds.

Once in my 12th grade government class I brushed my shoes against each other while sitting and since the rubber-ish sides of the shoes were rigid, it sounded like a really loud fart. The teacher laughed and said "ew" then everyone started laughing. No one knew where it came from.
Last edited by MeTallIcA313 at Mar 14, 2016,
#16
my 1st,2nd,3rd and 4th dui.

I also thought a dude was a chic once. boy, that was awkward at breakfast
#17
This one time me and a friend went to a party at my boss beach house. Then he died but we had to carry around his dead body and pretend he was still alive
Oh man it was so zany and madcap
#18
Quote by GuitarGod_92
My whole family got ringworm once from our cat

He was a kitten at the time and clearly his previous owners weren't good pet owners



That's disgusting.
#19
Quote by mattedbird


I also thought a dude was a chic once. boy, that was awkward at breakfast


I still pretend to be shocked.
Like "wow, I totally didn't notice your abnormally large hands and feet., whew I totally got tricked"
#20
Quote by FunkyPunk666
That's disgusting.

Not really. Ringworm is pretty tame in humans. Just little circles on your skin. I think people are just put off cuz it has worm in the name.
#21
Quote by GuitarGod_92
Not really. Ringworm is pretty tame in humans. Just little circles on your skin. I think people are just put off cuz it has worm in the name.



I'm absolutely repulsed by cats and the fact that you got worms from them makes me want to gag.
#22
Quote by FunkyPunk666
I'm absolutely repulsed by cats and the fact that you got worms from them makes me want to gag.


Ringworm isnt even worms it's just some infection
I have nothing important to say
#23
Quote by FunkyPunk666
I'm absolutely repulsed by cats and the fact that you got worms from them makes me want to gag.

The name is a misnomer it's a fungus not literal worms
#24
Quote by GuitarGod_92
The name is a misnomer it's a fungus not literal worms



Don't care, cats are still nasty and apparently they carry diseases.
#25
Couple of weeks ago I was (really) ill and was on all fours in the bathroom violently vomiting into the toilet and shit myself legit at the exact time sick was flowing out of my face

Beat that


Wasnt really that embarrassing cause there was nothing I could have done about it at the point I (stupidly) committed to not sitting on the toilet and getting a bucket for the vomit like I did for future vomit/shit sessions but whatever
Last edited by sam b at Mar 14, 2016,
#26
Quote by sam b
Couple of weeks ago I was (really) ill and was on all fours in the bathroom violently vomiting into the toilet and shit myself legit at the exact time sick was flowing out of my face

Beat that


Wasnt really that embarrassing cause there was nothing I could have done about it at the point I (stupidly) committed to not sitting on the toilet and getting a bucket for the vomit but whatever

My old roommate did that once. I felt so bad for her. Three days later I did the same thing. I had never heard of or done that before and haven't since. I don't know what that virus is that does that, but it's nasty crap.

She was a grade school teach and that's where it came from
Last edited by mattedbird at Mar 14, 2016,
#27
I was trying to get a much valued music society seat after losing rather dramatically to my wife in our separation. Her status in society was inherently greater than mine and she held a lot of power within the high society; our separation hurt my image quite dramatically. However, I began working my way up and was in the running for the seat. But, I was currently living in an atrocious condo rather than a fancy house or apartment, which lead me to 'borrow' my ex-wife's beach house for the weekend. In my defense she was in Paris for the weekend, whereas the beach house was near Seattle.

My over bearing brother was desperate to help me so I let him. He organized a fantastic chef and helped me organize the entire event. Unfortunately, this beach house has a rather annoying neighbor who was rather smitten with my ex-wife... with me... not so much. I fobbed her off saying we reconciled and she went away. There was a meteor shower that night and I had planned to open the french doors to the beach to amaze my guests. But... something went horribly awry.

There was a foul stench outside and to my horror, it was a dead seal. My brother and I are not athletic people, and though we tried to lift the morose seal, we could not. We were struggling to think of what to do, and guests were arriving shortly. My brother ran inside and brought out a knife with the idea to cut the seal into pieces which we would then put into a near by row boat and dump the seal in the sea. The thing was, I can't stand touching anything dirty and I must remain clean no matter the cost. To my brothers chagrin he ran inside and grabbed an old dressing gown, to which he threw onto the dead seal and began cutting it to pieces. We loaded it onto the boat and proceeded to dump the seal in the sea.

Shortly after guests began to arrive and I began serving horderves. Everything seemed to be going excellently... but the police arrived followed by the god awful neighbor. She burst in and claimed I had murdered my estranged wife! I thought it was most preposterous, I demand the police take her away. Then she exclaimed that I had murdered my wife, dressed her in a dressing gown the neighbour bought her especially, then dumped her at sea. I laughed her off but the police demanded to check the back of the beach house.

As they opened the doors, to my utter devastation, I saw the familiar dressing gown. The dead seal had been washed back on to our shore.


Boy was my face red.


Maris couldn't have been happier.
You Dont Know Me

I have 10 Anarchy Points - I also have 8 Mythology points!

Peavey Generation EXP Custom White
Yamaha 120S Black
Korg AX5G
Digitech Whammy
Zvex Fuzz Factory
Boss OS2

Quote by mrfinkle213
This man has brains.

Quote by CoreysMonster
Banned for indirect reference.
#29
Quote by FunkyPunk666
I thought you were a chick?!



Made my day.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#31
I fell down and tore my pants going to work after messing up on a test for Probability/R. I had to take the bus home and waddled the entire way.

I wasn't really embarrassed, just really pissed off. I quit my job in retribution.
Last edited by MakinLattes at Mar 15, 2016,
#32
When naked pics of me leaked. So embarrassing
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#34
mine is probably while at a Christmas party, 18 years old a girl I had the hots for me asked to dance which I happily obliged. so i`m a little drunk and we were spinning around the the dance floor and I let go of her hand she flew backwards and landed on her bum, I went the other way and landed in a pile of chairs.....very embarrassing.

another time on my 21st birthday, my friends thought would be a perfect time to set me up on a blind date with her single friend. What she didnt tell me was her friend was 6'5" (which i`m not) and a goth again which I have no interest in. During the night I cleverly managed to avoid both of them but as the beer was flowing and after several pints I was a little worse for wear, we ended up in a nightclub and I was very drunk. The club had pillars with tables round them which I was leaning on, and she seized her opportunity so she comes over and starts talking to me (to this day I dont know what was said)

At this point I was very ill and all over her. Funnily enough she wasnt interested in a second date. Both of these I cringe at when I think about them.