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#1




Talk about National Football league here, whether it be the rules of the game, events, player news, transactions, offseason, the game itself, I don't care, talk NFL. Hell, as long as it is non-NFL football related (AFL, CFL, UFL, NCAA, high school) and it doesn't get taken too far off topic, go ahead, as long as it makes it back to NFL talk soon enough.

Old thread: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1672909

Here is a list of who roots for whom. Names that are italicized note a user's second-favorite team of which they show strong devotion to. I erased some names of users no longer with us, if anyone wants to be added to the list just ask


AFC East
New England Patriots - Death_switch; big-T
New York Jets - Cadj
Miami Dolphins - iro-bot31; Dreadnought
Buffalo Bills - lbc_sublime

AFC West
Denver Broncos - Paroxysm; bradulator; Pan-Tallica
San Diego Chargers
Oakland Raiders - xTURTLENECKx
Kansas City Chiefs - Death_switch

AFC North
Baltimore Ravens - necrosis1193; Somedude787
Pittsburgh Steelers - Jackal58; shotgunmerc
Cincinnati Bengals - darkcheef
Cleveland Browns - AeroRocker; Lion_Slicer

AFC South
Houston Texans - Pan-Tallica
Tennessee Titans -
Jacksonville Jaguars - primusfan
Indianapolis Colts -

NFC East
New York Giants - theogonia777
Philadelphia Eagles - Gibson_SG_uzr55; Jako215; I.O.T.M; WCPhils
Dallas Cowboys - xTURTLENECKx
Washington Redskins -

NFC West
San Francisco 49ers - bdof; Kensai; lolmnt
Arizona Cardinals -
Seattle Seahawks - daytripper75; TSmitty6; Tanglewoodguit; SGstriker
St. Louis Rams - jimihendrix6699

NFC North
Green Bay Packers - JustRooster; wastingyears; ehbacon
Detroit Lions - Rockford_rocks; Gibson_SG_uzr55
Chicago Bears - lbc_sublime; darklite41;
Minnesota Vikings - jambi_mantra

NFC South
New Orleans Saints -
Atlanta Falcons -
Carolina Panthers - theogonia777
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - lolmnt; Fat Lard


Have fun!


HALL OF GUARANTEES, FAME, AND SHAME


Quote by Gibson_SG_uzr55
Kaep is forever a pussy


Quote by big-T
Quote by Death_switch
Quote by big-T

Would have been pretty funny if someone had moved from the Pats list to Seahawks one!

Nah, Tangle has always had a strange aversion to the Patriots
first Tangle joke of the thread and it's on the first page!


Quote by necrosis1193

On a scale of Andy Reid Game Management to Earthquake Saints, how much Handing The Ball Off To Marshawn can I expect?


Quote by SGstriker
Quote by Gibson_SG_uzr55
If the Raiders actually pulled that off they'd be an instant playoff team holy shit haha



I'm sorry. Just the thought of it.


Quote by necrosis1193
A hearty application of Philly Logic™ Sauce™, a.k.a. a strange combination of alcohol - anything works - Donovan McNabb's tears, three hand-liquified japalenos, and whatever the bitterest thing you can find nearby is.

Quote by TSmitty6
Whoever is selected with this pick will be top 5 at his position in the next 2 years.
from Harvin trade
Quote by primusfan
Quote by SGstriker
I said this last year, but Jags are getting 2nd in the AFC South next year. Eventually, I will be right.

My entire life in two sentences.

Quote by Gibson_SG_uzr55
Quote by Carnivean
What? Because I think Peyton Manning is underrated?



Quote by SGstriker
Quote by Dreadnought
Probably no one in here knows less about NFL than me

but that don't matter cuz Dolphins SB champs 2017



The bottom statement proves the top statement.

Quote by necrosis1193
It is with great honor that I present this year's nominees for Best Draft Name!

Hilarious Name Puns, AKA The John David Booty award: Aziz Shittu. Runners up: Kentrell Brothers, Will Monday, Greg Milhouse, Jr.
Absurd and Overvoweled, AKA The Best Hawaiian Award: Halapoulivaati Vaitai. Runners up: Ugonna Awururuonye, who has a better last name but a simpler first name and an overall easier name to spell, and Oberto Aguayo, who gets a special mention for being a kicker with a second-round grade.
Same Name as Current Veteran, AKA The John Smith Award: Brandon Williams. Runners up: Tim Brown and Tim Brown. Same name as a hall of famer, but not an active player.
Best Alliteration, AKA The Good Receiver Award*: Glenn Gronkowski. Runners up: Ezekiel Elliott, Sterling Shepard, Malcolm Mitchell, Graham Glasgow, Hunter Henry, and Bobo Beathard, who would've won if not for A. winning another category and B. GG being named Gronkowski.
Best use of the Letter Z, AKA The Juszczyk Award: Zack Sanchez. Runner up: Zeek Bigger. Symmetry gets bonus points for Sanchez. There were surprisingly few Z-names this year!
Name That Most Sounds Like a Russian Spy in a Cold War Movie, AKA The Annual Soviet: Nicholas Kwiatkoski. Runner up: Tyler Matakevich, who has a more Russian last name, but a much less Russian first name.
Most Likely To Be Named After A Fictional Character, AKA The Goku Stephenson Award: Vincent Valentine. Runner up: Rocky Hayes. Vince wins for matching last name, because that takes a truly obsessive fanboy/fangirl of a parent. Yes I know Vincent was born two years before FFVII came out. Doesn't make it less amusing.
Lawfirmiest Name, AKA The BenJarvus Green-Ellis Award: J.P. Holtz
Most Unfortunate Name, AKA The Obama's Middle Name Award: Jihad Ward

Best Noun Based Name, AKA The Mister Cobble Award: Pig Howard
Best Adjective Based Name, AKA The Mercilus Award: N/A. I've looked over my list of prospects a dozen times, there is nobody with an awesome adjectivey name this year like Manley or Mercilus or Strong.
Blackest Name, AKA The Key And Peele Award: Tie, Danzel McDaniel and Ty Flournoy-Smith. TFS and DmD both sound like they came out of the east/west bowl, and I can't choose. Runners up: Geremy Alrdige-Mitchell, and Royce Jenkins-Stone, who I have a suspicion he was named after a Rolls-Royce.
Whitest Name, AKA The Dan Smith Award: Tie: Christian Hackenberg, Kenneth Dixon. Both of these names are incredibly white names. On the one hand, while I've never known black people named Hackenberg, I have never met a single black person named Kenneth. The first thing the name makes me think of is the single whitest TV character ever, too. But it turns out Dixon is, in-fact, black. So on the one hand, I have a guy who is white, and technically has the whiter name. But I also have a guy with a name so white that I was positive he was white until I looked him up. I dunno where to go with that.
Redneckiest Name, AKA The Jim Bob Cooter Award: Bobo Beathard
Badassest Name, AKA The Butkus Award: Lamarcus Brutus. Runner up: Thor Jozwiak, who would've won handily if he had a badasser surname.
Most Football Sounding Name, AKA The Jernigan Award: Tie: Paxton Lynch, Ezekiel Elliot, Myles Jack. Say what you want about him, Paxton Lynch sounds like a football player. Same for Elliot and Jack. Maybe Jack Conklin too. Maybe.

*Pass-catchers with alliterated names always seem to be really good. Steve Smith, Julio Jones, Wes Welker before his brain got souped, Cris Carter, Muhsin Muhammad, Donald Driver, Shannon Sharpe, etc.

Sadly we have a pretty weak class for names in a lot of categories this year, but we should have some great ones in the next few years, like Chad President from Nebraska, Freedom Akinmoladon, also from Nebraska - sidenote, I hope President and Akinmoladon stay on the same team in the NFL and become superstars. Can you imagine how glorious it would be to have a quarterback named President anchoring your offense while your defense is captained by a dude named Freedom? The only way it'd be better would be if Freedom was a receiver, so the President could score touchdowns with Freedom. Fuck you Dallas, you'd no longer be America's Team, unless you draft them - Jazzmar Clax from UConn, Lion King from Eastern Michigan Shawn Stankavage from Vanderbilt, and of course Michigan's Jake Butt.
Quote by beadhangingOne
What happened to Snake?

Snake?

Snake?

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE?!


Quote by TunerAddict
you can take my mouse and keyboard from my cold, slightly orange from cheetos, dead fingers


Quote by Baby Joel
Isis is amazing
Last edited by Gibson_SG_uzr55 at Mar 23, 2016,
#3
NFL is kinda rubbish, though. It's so stop start. And why are there so many protection pads? Rugby is superior.
RIP Tom Searle.
#5
Here's to the Mattlanta Falcons flailing around with an easy schedule, barely getting .500, and maybe getting second in the NFC South.


Also, feel free to add me to the OP so everyone knows my shame.
Last edited by Aeolian Harmony at Mar 17, 2016,
#7
Giants
Vikings
Panthers
Cardinals
Rams
Seahawks

Jets
Raiders
Jaguars
Bengals
Chiefs
Texans

That's the playoffs this year.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#8
Pats and Broncos both with 10+ losses.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#10
Same, you can put me under Packers
'93 Gibson LP Studio (498T/490R)-Ebony
'14 Gibson LP Standard (JB/Jazz)-Ocean Water Perimeter
Epi MKH LP Custom-7 (SD Custom Shop JB-7)-Ebony
+More

Maxon od808|Boss NS-2|Boss CE-5|
Line6 G55|Korg Pitchblack Pro

JVM 210h|1960a(V30/G12t-75)
#11


Beep
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 75-87
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 World Champions, 2017: 4-5
2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 92-54
#13
Is that Scott Ian
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#14
Oh Christ, you followed us to this thread too?

Anyway, if this thread follows the path of recent years it'll get gradually worse again and likely pick up a new troll.
Quote by Cadj
Okay, big-T is a legend first and foremost

Quote by necrosis1193
You are awesome, Big T.

Quote by Trowzaa
Would like to publicly state that Big-T is my new God and Hero
#17
New thread, good time for me to announce The Return!



But seriously, I'm moving back to Cleveland in about a month. Goodbye cheeseland, goodbye entitled Packers fans everywhere. They should call Green Bay Entitledtown.

FREE JOSH GORDON
Last edited by Lion_Slicer at Mar 29, 2016,
#18
How are you lads planning on celebrating the Eagles' inevitable Superb Owl win?
"If God exists, there's no way he is French" - Andrea Pirlo

S A D B O Y S
#19
Quote by I.O.T.M
How are you lads planning on celebrating the Eagles' inevitable Superb Owl win?


In typical Philly fashion - setting fire to cars and general rioting.
Quote by Cadj
Okay, big-T is a legend first and foremost

Quote by necrosis1193
You are awesome, Big T.

Quote by Trowzaa
Would like to publicly state that Big-T is my new God and Hero
#20
Entitled to the more NFL championships than anyone else?
BOOM-SHAKALAKALAKA-BOOM-SHAKALAKUNGA
#21
Quote by I.O.T.M at #33883793
How are you lads planning on celebrating the Eagles' inevitable Superb Owl win?


Yeah, right. Sure, the Eagles will win the Superbowl, and Donald Trump will be presid--

...Well fuck me.
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 75-87
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 World Champions, 2017: 4-5
2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 92-54
#22
If the Eagles win a Super Bowl the world will probably end.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#23
Quote by genghisgandhi
this remains the worst sport thread on this website ::hides::


stick to soccer and playing basketball with 10 year Olds then
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#24
I'm getting hypertension here. Can we get a sodium free version please?

Ah fuck it, YOLO. Bring on the salt.
Seattle Seahawks


Quote by chookiecookie
i feel like you have an obsession with aubrey plaza.


Quote by WCPhils
at least we can all agree SGstriker is the woooooooooooooooooooooorst
#25
Quote by theogonia777 at #33883968
If the Eagles win a Super Bowl the world will probably end.


I don't really see how this changes it coinciding with Donald Trump becoming President.
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 75-87
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 World Champions, 2017: 4-5
2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 92-54
#26
Ravens cornerback Tray Walker is in critical condition after a motorcycle accident in Miami. Currently undergoing brain surgery for cranial trauma incurred during the accident.

Fuck.
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 75-87
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 World Champions, 2017: 4-5
2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 92-54
#27
Quote by big-T
In typical Philly fashion - setting fire to cars and general rioting.

yea, but we'll be singing the eagles fight song while doing it
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#28
2nd page this is bullshit...way to make this thread on Saint Patricks day when all of us are out drinking, asshole. But I've been drunk since February 2015 ever since HTBTM wasn't fulfulled.


Go Hawks. My guarantee is that Russ throws for 40 TD's.
58-32 NFL Thread Pick Em.
#29
Actually my prediction is this is the year Russell throws 4TDs because of the O line gets him hurt in game 2. All thanks to Mike from Breaking Bad and John Goodman's sweaty, mullet-lick muck tucked lovechild, Tom butthole Cable.
58-32 NFL Thread Pick Em.
#30
Quote by TSmitty6
2nd page this is bullshit...way to make this thread on Saint Patricks day when all of us are out drinking, asshole. But I've been drunk since February 2015


What happened Februrary 15?


Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......




#31
Quote by TSmitty6
Actually my prediction is this is the year Russell throws 4TDs because of the O line gets him hurt in game 2. All thanks to Mike from Breaking Bad and John Goodman's sweaty, mullet-lick muck tucked lovechild, Tom butthole Cable.


lol

Russell will be 2016-17 MVP.
Seattle Seahawks


Quote by chookiecookie
i feel like you have an obsession with aubrey plaza.


Quote by WCPhils
at least we can all agree SGstriker is the woooooooooooooooooooooorst
#33
Quote by TSmitty6
2nd page this is bullshit...way to make this thread on Saint Patricks day when all of us are out drinking, asshole. But I've been drunk since February 2015 ever since HTBTM wasn't fulfulled.


Go Hawks. My guarantee is that Russ throws for 40 TD's.


it's still the first page though
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#34
Quote by necrosis1193
Ravens cornerback Tray Walker is in critical condition after a motorcycle accident in Miami. Currently undergoing brain surgery for cranial trauma incurred during the accident.

Fuck.


o damn
#35
I can't wait for Miami's riveting back-and-forth battle for being not-worst in the AFCE

and of course their eventual rise to SB champs 2017
My God, it's full of stars!
#36
Quote by necrosis1193
Ravens cornerback Tray Walker is in critical condition after a motorcycle accident in Miami. Currently undergoing brain surgery for cranial trauma incurred during the accident.

Fuck.


And the Ravens giving Dunkin Donuts a plug in the process

https://twitter.com/Ravens/status/710824890413273089

Baltimore Ravens ‏@Ravens 2h2 hours ago
LFW: More information on Tray Walker's accident: http://rvns.co/57a

#PrayForTray

#37
Quote by SGstriker
lol

Russell will be 2016-17 MVP.


This is a solid prediction.

On one hand, Tom Cable is able to do something with horrible players, and then they put the $ into the defense. On the other hand, he also drafts those players.
58-32 NFL Thread Pick Em.
#38
Quote by bradulator at #33885135
And the Ravens giving Dunkin Donuts a plug in the process

https://twitter.com/Ravens/status/710824890413273089


Late For Work is a daily series of articles published on the Ravens website that's basically a news-in-brief of top stories from the day that pertain to the Ravens. It has been sponsored by Dunkin Donuts for about seven years now, and I imagine they're contractually obligated to include that in every Late For Work article's header image, regardless of content.
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 75-87
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 World Champions, 2017: 4-5
2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 92-54
#39
Quote by necrosis1193
Late For Work is a daily series of articles published on the Ravens website that's basically a news-in-brief of top stories from the day that pertain to the Ravens. It has been sponsored by Dunkin Donuts for about seven years now, and I imagine they're contractually obligated to include that in every Late For Work article's header image, regardless of content.


They're contractually obliged to plug an ad for them even when a player fucking dies? Is that like a specific line in the contract? What kind of fucked up contract...

Also, dude is 23. Twenty. Three. Such sad news..
Quote by Overlord
It's not hard to be nice, but it's nice to be hard
#40
Quote by Carnivean at #33885441
They're contractually obliged to plug an ad for them even when a player fucking dies?


He's still alive. Fuck off with that "Even when a player dies" shit.

Is that like a specific line in the contract? What kind of fucked up contract...


No, I imagine this is:

The Baltimore Ravens, whenever posting an article to their website in the "Late for Work" series, will include the Dunkin Donuts logo in the header image for the article, as well as in any promotional images or videos relating to the article. Failure to do so, regardless of circumstance, will result in breach of contract and immediate termination of this partnership.
THE FORUM UPDATE KILLED THE GRADIENT STAR

Baltimore Orioles: 2014 AL Eastern Division Champions, 2017: 75-87
Baltimore Ravens: 2012 World Champions, 2017: 4-5
2017 NFL Pick 'Em: 92-54