#1
Hello, I would like some feedback on the two compositions attached to this post. The first song is about 6:30 in length, the second about 4:45. Any comments or suggestions are welcome. FYI, my style is arguably too upbeat and consonant to merit the classification of death metal, but that is the closest point of reference (from my perspective as the composer, at least).

These pieces are the results of jamming on the guitar and expanding on riffs / motifs that I liked, as opposed to fitting sounds to specific lyrical concepts or stories. This composition method, in addition to the more or less linear song structures, means that there is some randomness / spontaneity despite an effort to establish internal linkage and continuity. This could be detrimental to the songs overall, so please inform me if the structures do not make sense or if different sections sound strange in juxtaposition. I would also like to know whether the songs feel complete, and whether I ought to expand / explore / elaborate any sections.

Song 1: Ultimately, I am not satisfied with this piece because the first half and the second half seem incompatible with each other in style and mood. I would appreciate any thoughts on this.

Song 2: The first minute of this song employs only a single rhythm (cadence?), so let me know if that repetition is annoying.

Thanks in advance. I would be happy to listen to your compositions as well.

edit: I made slight changes to Song 2 and re-uploaded the file.
Attachments:
PWF Mar2016 Song 1.zip
PWF Mar2016 Song 2.zip
Last edited by P1ayingW1thF1re at Mar 21, 2016,
#2
Aight *dusts of spectacles* I aint done this in a while:

So, the first song is put simply, a bit weird. I dont think it was your objective but it strikes me as a modern Enslaved song, what with the extended progressive, melodic intro and the 'slow and trve' blast beat style, it has a black metal vibe going on. The harmonies at bar 37 are interesting in that they're like a more basic version of Portal blended with the aforementioned Enslaved and it actually transitions well from that. Even the following riffs are extremely reminiscent of Enslaved and the Iron Maiden-like second half feels like something from RIITIIR or In Times. As to say whats bad about it? If I were going by personal preference, it would be that the drum work is quite basic and doesn't have much flair to it. Bar 170 is perhaps the best bit of this song cuz it revisits the original theme but also makes it sound suitably dramatic. Overall, I'd say you just stumbled upon a happy accident and could roll with it but needs a lot of refinement. Add some beautiful detail to the main melodic theme and it's potentially worthy of recording.

It's definitely not death metal, that's for sure. Black metal vox and Enslaved production would suit this well.


Second song also has a massive black metal vibe, although in this case it's more in an Emperor vein from the Prometheus Era. Without the wall of synths, obviously.

But the slightly dissonant maiden riffing is very much in that style, the intro in particular.

Ok, bar 91 is where it completely jumps the shark tbh. You might have had concerns about the first song being a bit stylistically messy but this major scale slowed bridge is completely jarring. The riff following it is also incredibly cheesy, it almost sounds like a theme from a JRPG. The riffs that then develop from that (the trem picking ones) also just don't really get better as they progress. Bar 140 is pretty interesting however, cuz it sounds an awful lot like Deafheaven.

Overall, in terms of personal preference, not really my cups of tea. But you do have some solid forays into actual songs, you just gotta build on them and add some details.

if ur feelin like a sharin persun then pls:

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1698794

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1697539
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#3
Hi EpiExplorer, thanks for your response. The interesting thing is that I have not listened to any of the music that you mentioned, other than Iron Maiden and the first albums of Emperor and Enslaved.

Re Song 1: "A bit weird" is an appropriate description, haha. Even I, the composer, am not enthralled by this song. I do think that some aspects of it are pretty cool though. Fair enough about the drums; I concede that they are not flashy or complex. I will try to be more creative without sacrificing the backbone that they provide.

Re Song 2: I am fond of the major scale section Thanks for letting me know that you find it cheesy and jarring though. I knew that I was walking that line. Part of me thinks that the midi sounds give a different impression than actual instruments would, but I suppose that that difference only goes so far. I will reconsider whether that section truly belongs in the song and think about how I can make it more acceptable. I think that that sort of thing can work.
Last edited by P1ayingW1thF1re at Mar 21, 2016,
#4
Bar 91 to 138 of the second song is the best part of the song. Please take this part and write a bumpy melodic power metal song around this riff.
Who are you? The prince of darkness? Don't you have any friends?


#5
Haha. If you are being serious, then thanks for the second opinion on that part. Melodic power metal would be one possible outlet for those types of ideas...
Last edited by P1ayingW1thF1re at Mar 22, 2016,