I didn't really hear any sloppiness here! I thought your playing was pretty articulate. The opening riff reminded me of Paint it Black for some reason. I think this would fit well with a melodic death metal or thrash track. I'd be interested in hearing the entire track.

Could you check out my track Tree in the coppice at https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1699726 ?