#2
It's so classically you, and I see in this a lot of the reasons I enjoy writing myself. I think you like manipulating the readers tongue, make them chew the words, but with a good ear for beat and flow too. I trip over the central few lines, "this dampness" to "a steady brightness". I don't think it's the line break that trips me, possibly it's the choice of "feel". It's a slight repetition on the fourth line, but more importantly I just think it's a passive sound to start of a line that seems to mark some sort of decisive act or thought. That's all that really tweaked my attitude towards this. Pretty sharp with some great imagery.
#3
This is very lyrical, and to my mind has just the right balance of detail and wit to make a decent little tune, if you haven't done so already. "i suppose." is a fantastic apathetic break. And I am feeling that final line right now.