#1
I had been staring silently into my lap
for most of the ride,
jaw slightly sore from
staying shut.

the first thing that caught my eye
was the poodle farm.
the dogs looked so starkly alive
among the broken houses -
all black or all white
bounding, with
big dark eyes.
they'd stick their paws up on the fence
and watch the car roll by with
inexplicable vibrance.


my gaze came back to my lap
until the car stopped.

I looked up - behind me
were the foggy mountaintops
from a distance.
they were a silent
slate blue:
like
the sky above &
the gravel of the driveway.


for a moment, I could have sworn that
my body had dissipated into some
iridescent mist
over the valley.
there was no trace
of a pulse.


I wondered if I
looked blue
from a distance

sighed,
blinked.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#3
The understatement of this is what carries the weight of it for me. That this/these moments stuck with you, alongside those of your other recent pieces, is a beautiful insight. It has that sense of being truly relatable, not that generalisation that is mistaken for it, like a reflection. Reminds me of a Studio Ghibli film, but I'm not sure which one, which is always a good thing.
#4
My first impression was that everything in the first two stanzas was too vague for how narrative they are, as in the car is effectively driverless and whether or not the poodle farm is the destination is unclear, but I don't think that actually matters. I wanted to scrutinize it for information when really those two stanzas describe an emotion subtly and vividly at once. There's a contrast between reluctance and vibrance that I feel more than immediately understand from it.

The ending is really wonderful, both for the understatement Oscar mentioned but also because of the bodily nature of those last two lines which come after the feeling of the body dissipating. The feeling of dissipating is only for a moment, and underwhelming actions like sighing and blinking are the kind that remind us that we are still right where we're standing.

I have been thinking about blue a lot (did I ever show you the Rebecca Solnit essay that got me started on that?) but I have never thought to turn the distance on myself. Everything else is always far away and I never realized that I am too. Thanks for that second-to-last stanza above all else.
#5
S.,

When I get lost in it / I mean, when I really, really get lost in it, like when the mystical eats me up & dizzy I go stumbling about wondering where the end starts & if the sound of the forest is the sound of everything before us, a primitiveness we can only idealize, ideate, a prehistoric nudity that astounds in its impossible grace, the skin between where your hand ends and IT begins Like a hummingbird flitting about your stomach for all eternity & you name it FOREVER & when you die IT grows out of you like a pustule, it spreads its plague and its plague is this poem and how it swallows me up How it leaves me completely alone, the shadow of a pomegranate rotting slowly on the formica How whenever I am alone I hurt myself Whenever I am alone I hurt myself at the thought of hurting you Whenever I am alone the bees start to swarm and they land in my coffee and they play songs I hate on the piano loudly until my migraine is in tune with the violent churning of everything that is a collective HOWLING Everything that is a collective WAIL Everything that welts the light right before it reaches US That dents the night just as it approaches US That shakes the sea just as it reposes in US I hand you a sea shell that is pregnant with other sea shells You put your ear to it and can hear the ocean inside the ocean inside / It reverberates around your flesh and leaves through a glint in your eye, dazzling and deprived, palatial and alive.

Warmest regards,
M

(how I have to come here to find you / how I am going to be a father soon / how we've aged since we last spoke / how back then i was a stone and how now i'm still a stone / how i really needed to say hello / "Hello")
Last edited by rushmore at Apr 12, 2016,
#6
hi folks. thank you so much for your thoughts.

oscar, I've been thinking about understatement a lot (both in writing and in daily performance.) happy that this spoke to you, your comments were a pleasure to read.

erich, I am happy you mention the ambiguity of the first stanza - been ruminating on linguistic performance and how to choreograph my words in such a way that form matches content. I think of that car ride and remember my reluctance to engage, to situate myself, and I thought I'd try mirroring that as the author as well. as for blueness, thanks for turning me on to the concept - I haven't actually read the essay but I've been dwelling on blue since we first spoke about it years ago and the concept seems to grow w time/distance (ha ha.) I think I've found it but if you have a file, I'd love access. (btw phone is broken rn but when it is fixed I am hoping you can visit again soon, or maybe I can visit you, I will get in touch w jimmy too)

m, I read your post and I cry. I don't know what to say really. but I can start with
"hello"
congratulations. little humans are amazing - I think they activate a certain tenderness in us that we lose in the fuss of life. I hope you find some peace in that grace, the grace that comes with gentleness, like an owl's feathers touching the air, or a rush of warm water.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#7
Really enjoyable gem, particularly this part:

for a moment, I could have sworn that
my body had dissipated into some
iridescent mist
over the valley.
there was no trace
of a pulse.
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#8
<3
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