#1
the constant drone and drag of these raining days.

Im locked in this house and all I'm asking is for you to come by,
end this boredom and give me something to do, something to chew.

My nails are running out, my cheeks are raw, and my teeth ground,
Please give me something to do.

The tasks are done for the day, it's not even noon.
I can't find ways to fill my time.

Worry about this and bother about that.
Chew on this and gnaw on that.
Tap on this and scratch at that.
Oh fuck, give me something to do.

Finally a response. You will be here at 2.
Time to clean and to organize.

Let's watch a movie, I've already planned it out
I will lean up against you and we will speak of nonsense
till you turn your head and look into my eyes.

Nothing will happen, nothing ever happens.
We will just sit there with this built up tension.

The time goes by, suddenly it's 6.
I have to go. The clock ticks a hour a second.

I have wasted my time. So much I wanted to say, I wanted to do.
Why can't I ever make a move?
Last edited by Stirups at May 2, 2016,
#2
I like how time is discussed and demonstrated in this piece.

I will point out that it's spelled gnaw, instead of knaw.
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#3
I really like the first half, I like the 'drone and drag' - I'm currently sat at a desk where outside it is doing exactly that. The language used made me feel like you're describing the point of view of a rabbit/hamster (forgive me if that's not the intention) - which was interesting, the monotony and the tedium, which you write without becoming monotonous or tedious.

I'm not keen on the use of 'fuck' - mostly because I don't think it adds anything, but that's a very personal opinion.

In the second half the contradiction of 'time to clean and organize' against the previous 'tasks are done for the day' is great, the preparation and thought put into this person coming.

I don't know if you need the word 'sexual' when describing the build up of tension, I think that can be implicated without being so blunt (e.g. 'We will just sit, there almost touching with the tension built up' - I know this is clumsy, but it's your piece and I don't want to tell you how to write it).

My favourite verse is the penultimate one - the clock ticking an hour a second - vivid, concise and gets the point across.

I enjoyed reading this.
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#4
Thank you so much.
And noted gnaw not knaw

I live in Texas and currently everything is flooded and shut down. I figured some writing would suit well.

And for the tension part, I could leave out sexual and it would be applied. Thank you