#1
I recently made a permanent move to the US, from England, I'm still trying to process it, here's a song I wrote (not yet recorded, can't get the music right). It's a simple idea, but I enjoyed exploring it.

Origin of Species

I'm a human
I've got those opposable thumbs,
I've got me one of them human brains too.

I'm European,
I've got that culture,
I've got me some of that continental history too

And I'm British,
I'm an old Empire,
I got me that born to rule attitude

(Chorus)
You may think we're different
But that's makes us the same

I'm English,
But I'm no rose,
I got thorns and that dry humour too

I'm from the South West,
I'm no farmer
But I got me land knowledge, I know the soil

And I'm from Dorset,
I'm no sailor,
But I got salt in my blood

(Chorus)
You may think we're different
But that's makes us the same

I'm from Lyme,
Regis, from the King
Rebellion don't wash here

I'm from Coombe Street,
Ancient and narrow,
I got that Anglo-Saxon mud on my feet

I'm from Number 41,
Alone in the house
I just need some company.

(Chorus)
You may think we're different
But that's makes us the same


-----

I know I'm not satisfied with the last verse, but I don't know how to finish it. I'm also painfully aware the chorus is generic, I just wanted to break up the verses a little.

Anyhow, any feedback greatly appreciated.
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'....even the President of the United States sometimes must have to stand naked...."

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Last edited by Herr Rararr at Apr 23, 2016,
#2
I love the idea of a birthplace ingraining certain characteristics in a person. Certainly everyone develops a unique set of traits, and one may choose which traits to kill or emphasize, but I think it's hard to fully lose where you're from--for better or worse.
#3
I love how the thought flows with this piece, and this is what shone to me:

I'm English,
But I'm no rose,
I got thorns and that dry humour too
Guitar/Bass:
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#4
I like how you sound flippant and serious at the same time, I can see how that would make putting music to it difficult, but it totally works. I feel like there are some English references that are going over my head, which is cool, it just limits my ability to critique them. Perhaps you could throw in some more USA themed verses and really emphasize a juxtaposition of the two cultures, much like you are juxtaposed against this new place. It seems the whole song works through the means of putting together things that are immensely different (and yet similar): flippant versus serious; England versus America, you versus Americans. I think emphasizing these ideas would really enhance your statement and unify the song thematically. I agree that your chorus is generic, but its still an interesting concept, perhaps you just need to elaborate more. Something like this:

We learned different rules
But its all in the game
You may think we're different
But that's makes us the same
I won't tell you fibs
if you tell me no lies
And I'll give you some chips
for a couple of your fries

All in all I think you have something really cool going here. I think it's really cool that you could have an Englishman an American and an English immigrant all hear the song and all have a unique understanding of it. Good luck, I hope my fellow yanks are treating you right wherever you are.
#5
Quote by bollingerad
I love the idea of a birthplace ingraining certain characteristics in a person. Certainly everyone develops a unique set of traits, and one may choose which traits to kill or emphasize, but I think it's hard to fully lose where you're from--for better or worse.


Agreed. This would be another cool avenue to follow if your looking to expand the song.
#6
Thanks for the feedback - and yup, your fellow Yanks are treating me well (although they do keep mentioning 1776....I'll have to pretend I have no idea what they're talking about).

In this piece the reference become intentionally more and more precise, which is an odd direction to take but goes with the theme. So thumbs, everyone relates to. Continental attitude, non-descript, you can understand it even if you're not European. Britian (which comprises of England, Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales), the Empire is a well known historical reference. England, the rose - our national flower. The South-West is the region - it's rural and known as yokel-territory. Dorset is my county (similar to a state in the US), it's on the coast. Lyme Regis is my hometown, it's got a long history including quashing a royal rebellion, hence being bestowed the title 'regis'. Coombe Street is the oldest street in Lyme Regis, it dates back to the 8th century. Number 41 is a number I picked at random!


I like chorus- it would work in the other piece. Thanks again for the feedback and the suggestions
|
'....even the President of the United States sometimes must have to stand naked...."

Do me a favour, pop into Songwriting & Lyrics and add a comment to one thread, any thread, but contribute.

----

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#7
Quote by Herr Rararr
Thanks for the feedback - and yup, your fellow Yanks are treating me well (although they do keep mentioning 1776....I'll have to pretend I have no idea what they're talking about).


What about 1812-1813?
#8
*cough cough*
|
'....even the President of the United States sometimes must have to stand naked...."

Do me a favour, pop into Songwriting & Lyrics and add a comment to one thread, any thread, but contribute.

----

www.soundcloud.com/christobaldo
#9
Quote by Herr Rararr
Thanks for the feedback - and yup, your fellow Yanks are treating me well (although they do keep mentioning 1776....I'll have to pretend I have no idea what they're talking about).

In this piece the reference become intentionally more and more precise, which is an odd direction to take but goes with the theme. So thumbs, everyone relates to. Continental attitude, non-descript, you can understand it even if you're not European. Britian (which comprises of England, Scotland, Northern Ireland and Wales), the Empire is a well known historical reference. England, the rose - our national flower. The South-West is the region - it's rural and known as yokel-territory. Dorset is my county (similar to a state in the US), it's on the coast. Lyme Regis is my hometown, it's got a long history including quashing a royal rebellion, hence being bestowed the title 'regis'. Coombe Street is the oldest street in Lyme Regis, it dates back to the 8th century. Number 41 is a number I picked at random!


I like chorus- it would work in the other piece. Thanks again for the feedback and the suggestions



Much clearer now, my European history is pretty weak
#10
"(Chorus)
You may think we're different
But that's makes us the same"

that's what*? Am I missing something with that or?
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#11
Typo -
Originally 'that's what makes us the same', but then I took out 'what' and evidently forgot to correct 'that's' !

Thanks for reading
|
'....even the President of the United States sometimes must have to stand naked...."

Do me a favour, pop into Songwriting & Lyrics and add a comment to one thread, any thread, but contribute.

----

www.soundcloud.com/christobaldo