#1
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ted-cruz-lookalike-porn_us_571aa703e4b0d4d3f7237467

A woman in Mississippi appeared on the Maury Povich show to talk about why people think she looks like Ted Cruz. Now she has accepted a deal from an adult film studio, to make a sex tape.

“Last Sunday, Searcy Hayes was an unknown 21-year-old from Natchez, Mississippi.
By Monday night, she was a viral sensation after viewers of the Maury Povich show decided she was the female doppelganger of Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz.





what do you guys think about this deal? 10,000 bucks to sell your soul to satan...
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There shall be a stop to this madness. The battle is not over. My tasty licks aren't going anywhere.

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^ I've just realised if you say Simple Plan's 2011 effort "Get Your Heart On!" really fast in a Southern American accent, it sounds gross. . .like sexual gross!

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Hello.
I'm looking for professional bongo-ists and triangle-ists to make a Progressive Technical Brutal Death Metal band
(will be called AxOxJxLxAxIxVxXxUxWxZxQxUxRxWxGxJxSxAxLxKxMxNxHxUxGxAxAxWxVxCxBxZxVx)
(Don't even ask what it means)


https://soundcloud.com/95dank



#2
i just think it's kinda weird that anyone would want to watch a ted cruz parody porn. there is nothing sexually appealing about him at all
will someone carry me across ten thousand miles under the silence
#3
It should be BDSM and they should call it Cruzin' for a Bruisin'
PM me for newts
#4
but i saw that picture waaaaaaay before 19th of april
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#5
Prince and Bowie die while this Peice of shit Povich lasts forever.

As much as I think he's an evil twat, godamn that mutherfucker looks good for 77 years of age.
He definately sucked Satan's cock
Last edited by EyeNon15 at Apr 26, 2016,
#8
Oh yeah, I heard about this.
Didn't know she was on Maury though.
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#9
I don't like how the term sex tape is being frivolously used here.

A sex tape is a privately recorded sexual encounter not intended for public release.

What makes it a sex tape is that the people/person have to pretend that they did not want it to be seen by the public.
We all know that's bullshit but there was a time long ago when sex tapes ruined careers rather than launched them.

Female Ted Cruz is doing a shitty porn film, not a sex tape

Just by the term let's you know that they go back pretty far. When is the last time somebody recorded anything onto a tape.
Last edited by EyeNon15 at Apr 27, 2016,
#11
She's not much of a looker, I wouldn't want to watch any porn she was in
I have nothing important to say
#13
Quote by JackSaints
She's not much of a looker, I wouldn't want to watch any porn she was in


Let's be real here, compared to what's out there, this is the very tip of the iceberg.
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#16
just watched the interview with her


my god she sounds dumb
PM me for newts
#18
Quote by akunohana20151
HOW can you people say he not sexy to make a pron parody ?

Check out dat sexy mom jeans !


I hate myself for noticing, but where is his junk?
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Don't go ninjerin nobody don't need ninjerin'
#19
Quote by akunohana20151
HOW can you people say he not sexy to make a pron parody ?

Check out dat sexy mom jeans !



Wait......wait.....wait.......
Does he actually have a TV stand with his own image on the side??? YIKES!! Can you imagine having to live with this guy
#20
Quote by EyeNon15
Wait......wait.....wait.......
Does he actually have a TV stand with his own image on the side??? YIKES!! Can you imagine having to live with this guy


It puts the lotion in the fucking basket
#22
Quote by EyeNon15
Prince and Bowie die while this Peice of shit Povich lasts forever.

As much as I think he's an evil twat, godamn that mutherfucker looks good for 77 years of age.
He definately sucked Satan's cock


You can fuck right off

Maury is an American icon
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Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#23
Quote by megano28


Maury is an American icon


Only if you are super ghetto or super white trash.
Even then Maury is taking a backseat to Jerry Springer and all of the Kardashians.
#24
The fact that you know him must mean you're some kind of trash then.

Jerry and Maury share the accolade. Perfect summer trash tv for the American child
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#25
Quote by megano28
The fact that you know him must mean you're some kind of trash then.


PLEASE explain this logic.
Not that I'm denying being trash whatsoever but I gotta know how you defend that logic
#26
It's simple, trash recognizes trash
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#28
You should pull that impenetrable logic out of your ass.

It would help you see that trash tv is the only tv
Quote by EndTheRapture51
Anyway I have technically statutory raped #nice

Quote by EndThecRinge51
once a girl and i promised to never leave each other

since that promise was broken

i dont make promises any more
#30
Quote by reconssuck at #33946055
she's pretty cute in that pic atleast

no
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#31
i hope the poor woman doesn't get indicted for all of his murders
this house is bitchin
#33
Quote by reconssuck
to me she is


then you need new glasses
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
There shall be a stop to this madness. The battle is not over. My tasty licks aren't going anywhere.

Quote by The_Blode
^ I've just realised if you say Simple Plan's 2011 effort "Get Your Heart On!" really fast in a Southern American accent, it sounds gross. . .like sexual gross!

Quote by Necroheadbanger
Hello.
I'm looking for professional bongo-ists and triangle-ists to make a Progressive Technical Brutal Death Metal band
(will be called AxOxJxLxAxIxVxXxUxWxZxQxUxRxWxGxJxSxAxLxKxMxNxHxUxGxAxAxWxVxCxBxZxVx)
(Don't even ask what it means)


https://soundcloud.com/95dank



#35
Quote by StewieSwan
just watched the interview with her


my god she sounds dumb



This post made me listen to it and now I'm angry with you.