Listening as I comment.

I feel there's a bit too much going on guitar wise with the distorted guitar. Feels like you've learned a new trick on there and over-use it a bit much in the beginning with the trills/hammer on/pull off thing as well as the sweep. I think you could benefit from focusing more on melody, and to me it also felt like the timing was a bit off at times.

Now, not all is bad, there are some good ideas in there, but I feel the execution could benefit from some more practice

Did you write the backing track yourself as well?

Sorry if I came across a little harsh.
The backing track is band in a box. I don't practice things much... I compose and develop over the course of a few hours, then record. No new tricks, it's how I play. Not sure where you're coming from in regard to melody, since I can hum the entire piece.
It wasn't so much about humming the whole thing, which is great if you can do that! That's impressive and a very good foundation. I just felt like there was too many things going on on the guitar in the beginning. I think maybe if you built it up a bit more, it might work better. In the beginning letting people in on the melody, which I found somewhat hard to remember (mind you, I'm not better in this department myself!). I don't know exactly how to explain it, English isn't my first language. But bring in the melody with a strong sense of it, of course you could use slides up/down to the notes etc., but then during the repeating of the melody have more trills, sweeps and what not.

Does that make sense? Otherwise I'll try and explain it better
Makes sense, but why do what people (or the ear) would expect? That's the whole point to developing something different and having fun with it.... take expectations off guard. Have a good one.