#1
A little tale I spun into song. I kinda picture this taking place in colonial New England.

The Man on Tomah Mountain

There's a man up Tomah Mountain, ain't all he used to be
He ain't come down in years, they claim, he looks a lot like me
He had a wife and baby child who'd never seen this town
They say the night the cannons fire, the boy could not be found

Abigail was strong of mind, left no blood to bleed
She left the land they'd never owned, traveled west by steam
The boy grew old at eight years, never stepped in line
Rolled back home at twenty-three, a pistol on his side

They say the mountain crumbled down the night he made his peace
Down by the river's edge, a man fell at his feet
Mother told him long ago of how his father died
He swore he'd not forget the name of Anderson McBride

Back in town on a bar stool, the minister told him, son
The Lord knows about bloody justice, it's something you'll never outrun
But Anderson had an army, marching up that mountain road
Looking to torch that farmhouse your no good old man stole

They say the mountain crumbled down the night he made his peace
Down by the river's edge, a man fell at his feet
Mother told him long ago of how his father died
He swore he'd not forget the name of Anderson McBride

The whispers of one man's war spread like wild fire
Across the sleepy border town that McBride had guns for hire
News came down from Arkansas that Abigail was gone
The boy could only ball his fists and cry I won't be long

There's a man up Tomah Mountain, died for all he knew
And in the cold New England wind, he sounds a lot like you
Mother told him as a boy just how his father died
He swore right then, McBride was dead, all just in good time
#2
I got a combination of 'Boy Named Sue' and 'Rocky Racoon' out of this

The strength in this piece is that the scene is set really well, I get the feel for the location and the time it's set in without it being explained for me - the 'cannons', 'pistol', travelling by steam - even the name Abigail do that without making it mundane.

I think with a little editing this could be fantastic - there are a couple of times where (maybe because of the rhyme scheme?) it feels like you're forcing the words, or overcrowding it a little bit, specifically "The Lord knows about bloody justice, it's something you'll never outrun" and "Across the sleepy border town that McBride had guns for hire".

It probably says more about me than the writing, but I did get a bit confused as to who you were talking about and when - father / son / Anderson, it could be a little clearer - and maybe what the message at the end of the piece is.

I like the imagery and style you've chosen, it's a good piece.
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#3
I'm picking up some Marty Robbins vibes here, which is great for a balladeer and someone focusing on a narrative (as you mentioned in the OP).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=999RqGZatPs

I really like much of this piece but agree with Herr that there are very clunky-sounding spots that feel forced. With long-form ballads like this, so much of the lyrical effect is wrapped up in getting the number of metrical feet (read: syllables) regular. Just to pick one spot, the first and second lines of the third stanza are jarring.
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