#1
I'm serious.
I can write decent lyrics but they usually end up being way too convoluted to fit a catchy melody. So I've tried doing it in reverse and writing lyrics to a melody. I think it came out ok. Imagine Chris Brown singing it or something. There's a MIDI file attached that includes the music/vocal melody that was written in GP. The vocal is the clarinet track. I would recommend listening to it as you read along


To The Point
[Refrain:]
Holla at ya girl
I want ya, I want ya
Ooo girl
I want ya, I want ya
Holla at ya girl
I want ya, I want ya
I wanna know so much more than your name, oh

I've been watching you all night, baby
Moving closer to me
You know that there's no need for us to be vague
Let's get to the point, lady
I look around and no one can quite compare to you
But if you keep actin' so unclear I'll be gone, oh yeah

So baby let's go the V.I.P.
You can leave your friends; won't have no regrets
I'mma treat you like no man has before
Promise that you gon' be comin' back for more
(Tell me are you ready?)
Just look at me baby
I'm gonna get you high tonight
There's no need for you to hesitate
Come on, live your fantasy

[Refrain]

I don't want no other lady
I be partying all night long, yeah
Come on baby let's leave this club
I can take you back to my place
Or your place
Come on, give me all you've got

Take your clothes off
Don't be shy shawty
Tell me what you want
I can make it real, promise
Ticket for two to cloud 9
I be fuckin' like it's my job
All I ask of you
Is to open up your heart
And let me make that bank

[Refrain]
Attachments:
To The Point.mid
i see your girl
G A Y
she leavin wit me

F O R
I'm playing wit her booty
in the back seat
M A D D E N
#2
It's hard for me to critique this - because I'm really not a fan of this style of writing - meaning that I'm already biased before I begin. Unfortunately I can't listen to the MIDI file - is this rapped or sung?

[Refrain:]
Holla at ya girl
I want ya, I want ya
Ooo girl
I want ya, I want ya
Holla at ya girl
I want ya, I want ya
I wanna know so much more than your name, oh


Everything except the last line is filler - it serves no purpose. It's also impossible to write 'Ooo' in any kind of writing forum and it not look ridiculous (that's not you, that's just the word 'ooo').

I've been watching you all night, baby
Moving closer to me
You know that there's no need for us to be vague
Let's get to the point, lady
I look around and no one can quite compare to you
But if you keep actin' so unclear I'll be gone, oh yeah


Baby & Lady are really generic terms - there's nothing individual or unique here. The flow on the third line is slightly off too. 'Oh yeah' is being used in the last line to fill it out...again it's not saying anything.

So baby let's go the V.I.P.
You can leave your friends; won't have no regrets
I'mma treat you like no man has before
Promise that you gon' be comin' back for more
(Tell me are you ready?)
Just look at me baby
I'm gonna get you high tonight
There's no need for you to hesitate
Come on, live your fantasy


The first line is clichéd, again the use of baby (used again in the verse) - this whole verse feels like a rip off of a million r&b/hip-hop songs - the only thing missing is a reference to overpriced champagne.

I don't want no other lady
I be partying all night long, yeah
Come on baby let's leave this club
I can take you back to my place
Or your place
Come on, give me all you've got


Clunky with the my place/your place line, but I like the fact for all the playa talk there's some indication of monogamy!

Take your clothes off
Don't be shy shawty
Tell me what you want
I can make it real, promise
Ticket for two to cloud 9
I be fuckin' like it's my job
All I ask of you
Is to open up your heart
And let me make that bank


Lost me at Shorty. The last couplet is confusing - for the whole of the rest of the piece it's been purely physical, now we're looking at an open heart?


Summary:

If you're looking to write a generic pop song, this works.
The problems I have with it are that if you're looking to improve writing you want to be as far away from generic as possible - there is no imagery, there is no depth to either character (you or the girl), there's no motive other than sex, and even then we don't know what it is that attracts who to who and finally the flow of the piece is off in numerous places (although sung this can be changed).

I'm sorry to be so negative - again though, this style of writing is not the type that I am used to. In terms of hip-hop/rap/r&b the kind of lyrics I like are the ones with a message, or that make you think.
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'....even the President of the United States sometimes must have to stand naked...."

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