#1
My pulse thickens when I glance into your oceans.
A smile I can't extract lingers on my face.

You have put me under your spell; I will forever do as you wish.

Your jealousy feeds me, it gives me hope.
Is what I feel the same as yours?
Envy him with cold looks. This supplies my ambition.
As long as you give me hope I will keep running.

It has taken me years to climb out of denial.
I've faced my feelings to claim what is mine.

Lay with me on the couch
with your hands in my hair.
Bring my lips close to yours,
I can feel your breath.

Kiss me to expel the space in between us.
#2
Couple things to input here...

To me, things feel off right from the get-go, like you're using too many words to get your point across. I usually feel its beat to give an example of what i mean, so... An alternate way of saying the same thing as your first two lines would be

My pulse quickens when I gaze upon your seas
Under your spell, I am compelled, to do just as you please

Just suggestions obviously, take that as you will. I hear what your aiming for, but I'd try to take a "less is more" with this particular subject
#3
I read this more as a poetic piece as opposed to a song, the meter reads fine, although I'm not really sure what to make of the imagery 'oceans' - it feels like it missing a last word to justify it.

The piece doesn't do too much for me because it's just a list of emotions, that makes it loosely generic - the most powerful part of this is the penultimate stanza - there's imagery, there's all kinds of tension which is evident from the words, not simply saying 'I long for you'. I like the request to lay with the author, but then it's the author laying with the other person (their hands in your hair....), I like 'I can feel your breath', again you're showing how close you are, the intimacy rather than simply saying 'we're really close'.

You can clearly write, the only thing I personally would look for is more specifics, less generics - but as always, that's just an opinion
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