#1
What is being polygamous about?

I know a girl who is in a polygamous relationship with her bf. He's the poly one apparently, but gets angry and jealous when she flirts with other guys. Does that mean he's not suited for a polygamous relationship?

How many people can handle a truly polygamous relationship, or is it not in human nature to be truly polygamous without negative emotions?

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#3
My cousin's in a weird one.

She's with a couple who are getting married, yet she lives with them and is somehow part of the relationship too. Almost like she gets to live with them in exchange for threesomes. Except she's only ever identified as gay, not bi.

I don't really know the ins and outs of it but it does seem odd.
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#4
if someone is jealous/possessive and can't communicate it effectively, it's something they should work on with their partner, regardless of whether or not they are in a poly relationship.

I would just be curious as to why that person would consider themselves poly if they're not willing to work on those feelings and they already have a strong predisposition towards them I'm poly but I get off to watching my husband have sex with other people, and I'm only really comfortable with it because he's such a great partner to me to begin with and we've come to this point together in our relationship. he feels the same way. for the most part, he and I function the same as a monogamous relationship. we don't date other people separately bc we're both busy and want to spend most of our free time with each other, but sometimes a person will hang out with us together for a while before they move on to their own relationship. I didn't want to be in a poly relationship with other partners bc I didn't trust them and they weren't poly in the first place, can't really force someone to orient to your preferences.
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#5
Quote by WCPhils
this thread will be dumb

also this

pretty sure there are only three or so poly people on this forum to begin with
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#6
I prefer being nitro if I'm honest.
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#7
Quote by vintage x metal
if someone is jealous/possessive and can't communicate it effectively, it's something they should work on with their partner, regardless of whether or not they are in a poly relationship.

I would just be curious as to why that person would consider themselves poly if they're not willing to work on those feelings and they already have a strong predisposition towards them I'm poly but I get off to watching my husband have sex with other people, and I'm only really comfortable with it because he's such a great partner to me to begin with and we've come to this point together in our relationship. he feels the same way. for the most part, he and I function the same as a monogamous relationship. we don't date other people separately bc we're both busy and want to spend most of our free time with each other, but sometimes a person will hang out with us together for a while before they move on to their own relationship. I didn't want to be in a poly relationship with other partners bc I didn't trust them and they weren't poly in the first place, can't really force someone to orient to your preferences.


can poly relationships work if someone says

hey ive got my gf, she lets me see other people, i want to date u saadia, but not your husband

or is it like

you and your husband are a single entity and u have to date both of you otherwise it dont work

longing rusted furnace daybreak seventeen benign nine homecoming one freight car
#8
Remember Roly Poly Oly on the Disney Channel, that show was wild.
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#9
Quote by ErikLensherr at #33966847
Remember Roly Poly Oly on the Disney Channel, that show was wild.


He was small and cute AND round ffs. What more could you want?
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#10
Been there, done that. My experience, someone will get jealous and things will deteriorate from there. I wasn´t the jealous one.
#11
Being around one person for most of my free time is already too much.

Humans and crows are the only two I can think of that will mate for life with one mate, biologically for probably the same reasons.
#12
I've considered it many times but I don't think I could handle the jealousy. This stupidly hot girl on OkC started speaking to me recently and we get along really well but she has a boyfriend (used to have 4 but broke up with 3 of them recently). She is also Sierra Leonean royalty so the whole untold wealth thing if I married her would be pretty sweet. But yeah the jealousy. I might still try and fuck her but my brain tries to make me fall in love with every girl I fuck so it's probably not a great idea.
#13
Quote by RAB11
My cousin's in a weird one.

She's with a couple who are getting married, yet she lives with them and is somehow part of the relationship too. Almost like she gets to live with them in exchange for threesomes. Except she's only ever identified as gay, not bi.

I don't really know the ins and outs of it but it does seem odd.

huehuehue
#14
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#15
Quote by EndTheRapture51
can poly relationships work if someone says

hey ive got my gf, she lets me see other people, i want to date u saadia, but not your husband

or is it like

you and your husband are a single entity and u have to date both of you otherwise it dont work

depends on the relationship


I would not date someone else unless they were dating both me and my husband, but that's just me. The only exception would be if they were a lesbian who did not sleep with men at all, and they only took up a small portion of my time and still liked hanging out w my dude. even then though I just prefer to have be into someone that I can share with him. it has less to do w wanting to possess each other and more w logistics (it already takes enough time to work out my schedule w my husband and I don't want to deal w too much more)

when it comes to sex, though, my husband would be fine with having a threesome with another man and myself even if the guy didn't wanna have sex with him, as long as they are close friends. I just wouldn't feel comfortable having sex with that guy without my dude there tho (like I said, those just happen to be our specific terms; other folks have other boundaries.) I don't know that I'd want to have a threesome with another woman and him without her wanting to fuck me as well, but that's never come up so we'll see
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Last edited by vintage x metal at May 12, 2016,
#16
I've no interest in speculation over "human nature".

If someone can get with that then good for them. It's worked for people before to varying degrees of success - I see no reason to ostracise or otherwise judge those who seek pleasure in more than one person simultaneously.
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Last edited by Banjocal at May 12, 2016,
#17
Quote by stratkat
Being around one person for most of my free time is already too much.

Humans and crows are the only two I can think of that will mate for life with one mate, biologically for probably the same reasons.


Canadian Geese too. Wish I didn't know that.

****
In my experience with these - the majority sex makes a comparative assessment of time and fulfillment during the encounters. If it's 2 chicks and a dude, and chick1 and dude1 are coupled - chick1, while cool with the idea, will see dude1 having fun with chick2 and take exception to it.

While I can't say I've participated in a devil's situation, being the new guy where the chick is still sorta interested in/sorta seeing her ex creates tension between the 2 guys. The guy forms a sense of entitlement to dat sweet piece and will do what he can to ensure he's the only shopper at that convenience store.


This isn't to say polygamy can't outright work, but the mentality, maturity and expectations have to be in place. Even then... I can't say I've bared witness to a perpetual situation.
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#18
Hmmmm seems like Utah would be a good place to get an answer for this one!
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#19
i don't get the hate surrounding poly's. i have a samoan friend and he's really cool.
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#20
Quote by Evilnine
Hmmmm seems like Utah would be a good place to get an answer for this one!

haha nice
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#21
Quote by Baby Joel
i don't get the hate surrounding poly's. i have a samoan friend and he's really cool.


They will eat half your house
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#22
Prolly wanna cracker
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#23
Quote by Bladez22
Prolly wanna cracker


What if she is into latinos tho?
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#24
Quote by ErikLensherr
Remember Roly Poly Oly on the Disney Channel, that show was wild.

Yeah
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#25
I lived in Utah, in the same town as the polygamists. You might think it's funny, but it's more disturbing. It's a sex slave trade basically.

BTW, Polygamy and Polyamory are different, and this thread is largely referring to Polyamory.

Personally, I advocate sterilization, celibacy, and taking no partners in life. Not for me though, only for the rest of the people on this website.
If there is a God, it's me.
#26
Quote by qrEE
I lived in Utah, in the same town as the polygamists. You might think it's funny, but it's more disturbing. It's a sex slave trade basically.

were you down south with the warren jeffs clan stuff or were you with all the secretive incognito groups in slc?

it's all disturbing really. i have a friend that left a polygamous organisation. really messed up stuff.
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#28
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
What if she is into latinos tho?


Then she can fuck off tbh
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Drink your wine
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#29
I dont like the idea of it. The whole point in picking a girlfriend is to pick a girl I like enough to not want any other girls.
#30
Quote by Banjocal
I've no interest in speculation over "human nature".

If someone can get with that then good for them. It's worked for people before to varying degrees of success - I see no reason to ostracise or otherwise judge those who seek pleasure in more than one person simultaneously.

Why? Why?


tell em that it's human nature
#31
I just find discussions over human nature as a concept or thing to be ill-defined, incoherent and almost religious in how it's viewed. Correlation becomes causation and a universal marker of X and cultural values are treated as biological fact like the smouldering twig for the charred remains of the forest. Evidence for things like "charity-ness" or "good-ness" are cherry picked by all parties and it eventually reduces down into a phrase that I can only consider to be incoherent, like "god" or "evil" only not quite as meaningless. Attempts to research such things deal almost exclusively with non-falsifiable data and it's a total mess.

So I stick to what is directly there to discuss
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Last edited by Banjocal at May 12, 2016,
#32
I couldn't do it. I'm not sure of what would happen and I'm not really curious into possibly ruining our relationship because of it. That's about it. If you're into it, then it's whatever. Who cares about you. Do what you want to do to get off.

Anyways, I never feel the need to talk to other people about their fetishes or about sex in general. Go find something (someone?) else to do and leave me alone, what I do with my girlfriend isn't anyone's business but our own. I have a roommate who wants to think she's really cool and hip by talking about sex all the time, but all she's into is spanking? It's like why bother me telling me about it. It isn't something interesting like "I really like the smell of poop and pee, but only in that order. It gets me ROCK HARD." I can work with something interesting like that, I think it's funny. Although one time her boyfriend had anal with her, made her constipated and then she spent the night vomiting and trying to shit. Then her boyfriend left her to her business and went to sleep.

I simply do not care otherwise though.
#33
Quote by EndTheRapture51
How many people can handle a truly polygamous relationship, or is it not in human nature to be truly polygamous without negative emotions?


Is it not in human nature to be truly monogamous without negative emotions considering so many people are in said relationships yet cheat on each other?

Like all relationships, it's not black or white. You could have an emotional bond with a single person, but then just want sex with other people but no emotional connection. Or you may want some emotional connection (with sex too I suppose) with others too. In all situations you are polygamous or want to be, but the way your relationships work is different in each one.

Like, the whole monogamy vs polygamy thing is kind of bogus. Every relationship and every person should try to do what is best for them (both as individuals and in their relationship). The moment there starts to be jealousy, anger, loathing, etc it means the relationship needs work, they need to communicate their needs better and what they want and in tandem work out what they can do about it. This type of shit happens all the time with monogamous relationships too.

There just needs to be transparency, honesty and a lot of communication between each partner. The whole "monogamous" shtick just means that there is a cultural "basis" that everybody can base their actions and thoughts on without having to think about it. You just act like everybody else is acting and how you "feel" you should act (indocrinated to you since you were little) and nothing else. Polygamy requires you and your partner/s to not just act automatically but actually think things through and talk about it. Everything else is exactly the same (in terms of how the relationship works)

P.S: I don't really like the difference between polyamory and polygamy. I mean, the only difference seems to be one refers to marriage and the other doesn't, and that seems dumb when there is no such distinction with monogamy in common usage. As in, people say "monogamous relationship" all the time even when people are not married and are just BF/GF. It makes more sense to always refer to it as polygamy, and when people are married just refer to it as polygamy with marriage (if the marriage itself is somehow important to the discussion).
Or maybe start using "monoamory" instead, but the other way offers less resistance (and it rolls off the tongue easier )

Anyways I have no experience with polygamy or even monogamy and stuff so I guess most of the above may not be so accurate
#34
Imagine you are in a monogamous relationship. You then start having sexual attractions to another person (or others). Instead of cheating you go talk to your partner about it. At this moment, if both of you start thinking about the "you are either fully monogamous or fully polygamous" false dichotomy, then it'd be a pretty shut discussion of "no you can't have sex with others". But if you let go of those restrictions you could come to an agreement for instance, where each party could have sex with others as long as they tell their own partners, specially if it starts going beyond sex (and stopping that at any moment things get more complicated). That's a perfectly fine agreement that is "polygamous" yet doesn't need any other emotional relationship other than the initial one. In fact such types of arrangements could save lots of relationships that crumble because one partner cheats on another.
#35
Quote by gonzaw at #33967473
Imagine you are in a monogamous relationship.

Well, that's one way to break the news to people that their partners are cheating on them.
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#38
Quote by Baby Joel
were you down south with the warren jeffs clan stuff or were you with all the secretive incognito groups in slc?

it's all disturbing really. i have a friend that left a polygamous organisation. really messed up stuff.


Down south. St George, where it's open and free. That place is fucking Hell on earth. My parents still live there, same with my brother.

Where I live now, polyamory is considered the norm really. It's almost kinda weird going online and seeing people say stuff like "idk I don't think I could do that kind of thing" when here there are kids who are growing up with 3 moms and no dads, and all sorts of out of the ordinary shit.

I embrace it, being normal feels like having one foot in the grave.
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