#1
The cracks in the driveway are deeper
even though there ain't as many cars parked out here tonight
I wish somebody would've thought to tell me
that cousin Eric took too many pills and died.

Momma's got herself a new dishwasher
Her eyes are goin bad--she might as well be blind
Eric's dad hasn't been to dinner or church in while
The family says it's just a matter of time

(Chorus)
Home ain't as sweet as I thought it would be
I'm spread too thin from being too far gone
All that I see are faded memories
and after all this time I still don't belong

Highway seventy's kept me going,
thinking 'bout the houses we used to pass
Now your husband owns a used car lot
and you'd just love to be my friend

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
Being away has taught me how quickly flesh melts to bone
The grass won't always be greener,
but the cracks will always run deeper back...

(Chorus)

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Thanks for reading! Any feedback will be appreciated!
Also, I realize the second line of the first verse seems super long, but trust me, it works within the context of the song.
#2
It's an interesting read.

The second line works when I read it - although I think you could change it to 'And there aren't many cars...' to make a bit more sense - it's not that there are less cracks when there are less cars there and more when there are more and it changes (although that is me being pedantic).

I like the mournfulness of the last line, and how it almost trivial - like it was the same as someone forgetting to tell you that they had forgotten to pick up dry cleaning - it obviously put a sombre tone in straight away.

It'd be cool if there was more of a connect between the dishwasher and going blind (maybe a TV/radio instead?), but I like the specifics of it and I really like the lines about the father, it sets a scene very well.

The chorus is great as it is, the only flow-change would be to remove 'and' from the last line, but as always how you sing it is how it makes it. It's a lovely melancholy chorus, it works well in uniting the piece as well.

The next stanza - the highway 70 line, the house we passed line - fantastic. Again, great scene setting, great imagery - I'm immediately transported. The last two lines work well as lyrics - but what is their purpose in the narrative? Is it simply to show what's happened to an old flame?

Finally, the bridge - doesn't quite flow right in my ear - but again, the message and the imagery are spot on.

Good job.
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#3
Thanks for the read and crit, Herr--insightful as always.
The driveway thing...I like the idea of roads being like arteries of our lives--the circuitry system of our past and future, so to speak. And the driveway is a tributary off the main vessel: a way into our safe little "cell," what we like to call home.
But what if the tributary is cracked and unwelcoming? What happens to our rose-tinted vision of the past when we face its ugliness in the here and now?
These thoughts, and others, were flitting through my mildly intoxicated mind as I wrote.
I wanted to create a sense of loss--both of what had been, and of what never was.
#4
that's a great theme an idea and I think with just the tiniest amount of tweaking it can become a bit clearer. The way you describe it makes complete sense and there is so much potential in that idea. Tying it in with the specific imagery you've used in this piece would be amazing.

Anyway, Like I said, great job.
|
'....even the President of the United States sometimes must have to stand naked...."

Do me a favour, pop into Songwriting & Lyrics and add a comment to one thread, any thread, but contribute.

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www.soundcloud.com/christobaldo