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#1
All right guys, all jokes aside...


I'm trying to figure out how to break down what makes a good shit post. I've been... let's just say, studying them, .... aaaand my results of let's just say, studying them... haven't pinpointed it out yet.


They're like onions I think, let's just say
#2
layers; i got yah fam
Quote by Mr E Meat
this is your brain

this is your brain on RT

Quote by Standard_A440
Given that you reside in the shade of the natural light of reason, I will defer doing your homework to you.
#4
I think arrogance tends to help. Like "guys, I'm a super amazing guitarist, and I feel like nobody I know is on my level, but I'm totally not posting any of my own work on here because you're not good enough to hear it."
#8
You've gotta add some pretense of srsness otherwise its not srsbsns

ಠ_ಠ
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#10
Say something you know to be controversial and then feign shock as people get offended, because it's 'just your opinion'
My old signature was too long. Have a daisy.

#11
This:



What type is your favorite?
"A well-wound coil is a well-wound coil regardless if it's wound with professional equipment, or if somebody's great-grandmother winds it to an old French recipe with Napoleon's modified coffee grinder and chops off the wire after a mile with an antique guillotine!"
- Bill Lawrence

Come and be with me
Live my twisted dream
Pro devoted pledge
Time for primal concrete sledge

Last edited by Evilnine at May 17, 2016,
#12
the best shit posts are when you just go off on an a tangent and just type things as they come into your head i'm not very good at it as you can see from this post here but the best ones are probably from people who are high as shit or something and they dont really know what the fck they're saying
#14
Quote by kalypto
the best shit posts are when you just go off on an a tangent and just type things as they come into your head i'm not very good at it as you can see from this post here but the best ones are probably from people who are high as shit or something and they dont really know what the fck they're saying



do these often include ellipsis?
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance - Confucius
#15
I am skeptical of any kind of essence of shitposts, but there are family resemblances among the set of things called shitposts. Is there a metaphysical, noumenal shitworld? Does appreciation of the sublime allow us to peer into the transcendental shitpost-in-itself? I'm skeptical.

Perhaps shitposts are better understood as the product of a shitposter--the role acted out by a user--and the emergent phenomena called shitposts are like products of epiphenomenal consciousness. Thus understanding the shitposter (sorry Barthes) could be key.

Of course, shitposting is also in the eye of the beholder and the shitposter's authorial intentions are only distantly related to the experience of having-been-shitposted-around.

Also, context and perspective are obviously important, because one person's shitpost is another person's treasure.
Quote by Skibolky
No one can really fuck with the power of empathy.
#16
Quote by kalypto
the best shit posts are when you just go off on an a tangent and just type things as they come into your head i'm not very good at it as you can see from this post here but the best ones are probably from people who are high as shit or something and they dont really know what the fck they're saying

Shots fired at jrcsgtpeppers.
#17
Quote by kalypto at #33973111
the best shit posts are when you just go off on an a tangent and just type things as they come into your head i'm not very good at it as you can see from this post here but the best ones are probably from people who are high as shit or something and they dont really know what the fck they're saying


i miss Yope
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
There shall be a stop to this madness. The battle is not over. My tasty licks aren't going anywhere.

Quote by The_Blode
^ I've just realised if you say Simple Plan's 2011 effort "Get Your Heart On!" really fast in a Southern American accent, it sounds gross. . .like sexual gross!

Quote by Necroheadbanger
Hello.
I'm looking for professional bongo-ists and triangle-ists to make a Progressive Technical Brutal Death Metal band
(will be called AxOxJxLxAxIxVxXxUxWxZxQxUxRxWxGxJxSxAxLxKxMxNxHxUxGxAxAxWxVxCxBxZxVx)
(Don't even ask what it means)


https://soundcloud.com/95dank



#18
Hey, I'm pretty good at shitposting, ironically not on purpose but I have stumbled into that by accident on numerous occasions when I didn't realize I was doing so. A general methodology follows.


Hm, so definitely argue with everyone about absolutely redundant topics that are unrelated to the OP. Switch the focus to you, but DON'T insult anyone with direct insult or passive aggression. This makes it too easy for them to ignore you. You want to make yourself look like the victim even when you're actually the shitposter, but I repeat, do NOT insult the people you're arguing with. This is a trap and people will not care. Save personal attacks for youtube comments, not for forums.

Act like you're right even when you're a colossal fucking idiot. Don't retract anything you say. Act IMPERMEABLE. You know you're right, so why change that attitude?

You've got to ramble and promote yourself repeatedly. There's no other better way to shift focus than to "enlighten" others, use "enlighten" a lot. Talk about how cool you are.

Try posting really crude pictures of babies being shit on or crying women with tags like "SHE HAD TO ASK TWICE", that gets a lot of attention. People hate dog abusers, try finding an image of that.


Now, there are variations like textless shitposting, e.g., LOLWUT PEAR. Be creative, but know your goal...make an absolutely dump of a post that nobody wants to read. Feel proud you've wasted someone's time by being a colossal fucking idiot.
#21

Shitposting is fun.
Yes, indeed, posting shitty
Things is rewarding.
Quote by Skibolky
No one can really fuck with the power of empathy.
#23
Quote by MeGaDeth2314
if you're looking for ways to make it good, you're already failing


No matter how many ways it seems... 'fail-tacular', rofl... the layers never end... always a winner
#24
Quote by Aeolian Harmony

Shitposting is fun.
Yes, indeed, posting shitty
Things is rewarding.


For some reason,
This reminded
me of the guy
who
used to
post
in poems
like
this.
What ever
happened to him
?
Skip the username, call me Billy
#25
Quote by k.lainad
i miss Yope


naww man yope had purpose. Sometimes his OP's were just this beautiful arc that tied everything together .
#26
Quote by aerosmithfan95 at #33975238
For some reason,
This reminded
me of the guy
who
used to
post
in poems
like
this.
What ever
happened to him
?

rip
tortilla, gone
but not
forgetten
___

Quote by The_Blode
she was saying things like... do you want to netflix and chill but just the chill part...too bad she'll never know that I only like the Netflix part...
#29
There once was a kid named tortilla
who wanted to make poetria;
but his meter was weak,
and his readers did seek
to banish the trash from UG-a.
#30
Quote by Minkaro
I think arrogance tends to help. Like "guys, I'm a super amazing drummer, and I feel like nobody I know is on my level, but I'm totally not posting any of my own work on here because you're not good enough to hear it."
#rektm8
#31
Quote by neidnarb11890
There once was a kid named tortilla
who wanted to make poetria;
but his meter was weak,
and his readers did seek
to banish the trash from UG-a.

woah
#32
There once was a poster named Fat Lard
who dreamed of becoming a shit-bard.
All his posts were inane
(though he had half a brain),
But he never quite could get his dick hard.
#33
There once was a neidnarb eleven eight nighty
Who on his butt-face wore a stained tighty-whitey.
"This is gross," said the fool,
with his nose brushing stool,
"My underwear's scent is both rancid and mighty."
#35
You mean like quality shit posts or just shit posts that are shit? To achieve quality you have to be consistent. Choose a niche, pick a character and stick to it. A good example is that KerryKing dude in the comment section of UG front page.
this
#36
Actually, the key is to be ironic as possible knowing what you say isn't very humorous but being ironic when people point out that it's not very humorous.

I.e. Meta ironic.
#40
Here's some 2007 shitposting for you guys. It's aged like fine wine.

OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
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