Please lean in.

I can see it in your eyes,
a desire to dispose of this space.
The glint of your sanctuary
I can only hope to see.

I'll lead you into my body,
If you would only open up yours.

I've given you every signal,
I wore a low cut shirt.
Let go of your doubt and
don't worry about rejection.
You are something I could never bypass.

There are so many things I wanted to do,
So many things I wanted to say.
we sat in your car when the rain started to pour,
The water was still sliding down your face.
You looked into my eyes
and instantly,
all my plans were rushed away.
Another good piece here....you're very prolific at the moment.

I like the signal - low cut shirt couplet, it's suitably unsubtle. I'm not so sure about the last line of that verse - something I could never bypass - the flow goes a little and it doesn't feel entirely necessary to the piece.

For the final stanza i'd remove the first two lines, maybe put in what you wanted to do/wanted to say. The rain/water on face is beautiful and the flow of the ending is really well done.

As I said, another good peice
'....even the President of the United States sometimes must have to stand naked...."

Do me a favour, pop into Songwriting & Lyrics and add a comment to one thread, any thread, but contribute.


Great expression.
The first verse could be used to set up the piece a little stronger, but still is a good piece.
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