#1
I bought some sour straws yesterday and forgot about them until finding them just now
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#2
i drank a bottle of blueberry wine last night and thought it'd be kinda gross but it was really good and turned my whole mouth blue.

i also nearly pissed my pants with joy when they brought back crispy m&m's a while ago.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
Last edited by jakesmellspoo at Jul 9, 2016,
#4
I accidentally worked out part of a song by ear and then started doing more of it
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#5
I was watching a baseball game yesterday and I didn't think the guy was gonna hit the ball, but then, he hit the ball.
Quote by Overlord
It's not hard to be nice, but it's nice to be hard
#7
nearly nailed that Obscura solo that's supposed to be way out of my skill range
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#8
one time i bought a dub of green from a friend while drunk out of my mind (so was he). Went home and passed out, and i forgot i left it in my coat pocket when i got home, in fact i forget i even bought it the night before

when i was dry and miserable a few weeks later, i ended up going for a walk and threw my jacket on
something smelled skunky, and i reached in the pocket and discovered the goodness haha

basically.. don't buy drugs when you're inebriated already lol
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
There shall be a stop to this madness. The battle is not over. My tasty licks aren't going anywhere.

Quote by The_Blode
^ I've just realised if you say Simple Plan's 2011 effort "Get Your Heart On!" really fast in a Southern American accent, it sounds gross. . .like sexual gross!

Quote by Necroheadbanger
Hello.
I'm looking for professional bongo-ists and triangle-ists to make a Progressive Technical Brutal Death Metal band
(will be called AxOxJxLxAxIxVxXxUxWxZxQxUxRxWxGxJxSxAxLxKxMxNxHxUxGxAxAxWxVxCxBxZxVx)
(Don't even ask what it means)


https://soundcloud.com/95dank



#9
Stop padding your IQ level
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#10
I gave ur mum a little surprise
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#11
I was at a self serve car wash the other day and went up to the token dispenser to get some coins. The dude in front of me was in a hurry and walked off after receiving the first batch of his tokens, not knowing there's a slight delay for the 2nd batch to dispense. So I took the 2nd batch and walked to his station to give to him. When I went back to my station, I find there's a stack of tokens left on the menu selector thingy and didn't have to pay a cent.

gud karma surprises

...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#12
oh somebody payed my toll the other day

Quote by Pastafarian96
I an evety characyer in this story
#13
Quote by Hydra150
I gave ur mum a little surprise


The admission of a man with a small penis.
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#14
I was going down on this guy and I got a face full. It was a surprise.
Quote by JD Close
Piano dick had some good parts, but should have said "As the business man slowly gets boned", would have accented the whole dick feeling of the album
#15
Quote by EpiExplorer
The admission of a man with a small penis.
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#16
Quote by Hydra150
I gave ur mum a little surprise


we all know it was little
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
There shall be a stop to this madness. The battle is not over. My tasty licks aren't going anywhere.

Quote by The_Blode
^ I've just realised if you say Simple Plan's 2011 effort "Get Your Heart On!" really fast in a Southern American accent, it sounds gross. . .like sexual gross!

Quote by Necroheadbanger
Hello.
I'm looking for professional bongo-ists and triangle-ists to make a Progressive Technical Brutal Death Metal band
(will be called AxOxJxLxAxIxVxXxUxWxZxQxUxRxWxGxJxSxAxLxKxMxNxHxUxGxAxAxWxVxCxBxZxVx)
(Don't even ask what it means)


https://soundcloud.com/95dank



#17
Some guy told me that I look like Bayonetta.
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#19
Quote by Hydra150
I gave ur mum a little surprise

give that guy a lil smooch




#20
Quote by theogonia777
Some guy told me that I look like Bayonetta.

you sure that wasn't viennetta
#21
But give that little guy a smooch? OMG, it's wonderful (after a shower obviously).
Especially when you do it to a girl and it's HER first time??? My goodness, nothing better than seeing that first shocked little gasp, followed quickly by a quick confused smile
#22
When I was overseas and discovered Peanut Butter Twix

Sadly, I can't find them in Australia
Come back if you want to
And remember who you are
‘Cause there's nothing here for you my dear
And everything must pass
Last edited by i_lovemetallica at Jul 9, 2016,
#24
Quote by i_lovemetallica
When I was overseas and discovered Peanut Butter Twix

Sadly, I can't find them in Australia


m8 I can get them here for 89 cents. my condolences

Quote by Pastafarian96
I an evety characyer in this story
#25
Well, if you get me for Secret Santa this year, you know what to do
Come back if you want to
And remember who you are
‘Cause there's nothing here for you my dear
And everything must pass
#27
Thanks cunt
Come back if you want to
And remember who you are
‘Cause there's nothing here for you my dear
And everything must pass
#28
For our anniversary I surprised my waifu.

I started by dimming all the lights in the house and lighting some exotic candles and throwing some rose petals on the ground in a trail that leads upstairs.

She followed the trail up. It lead into the upstairs bathroom. There, I was hiding in the tub, which was filled with warm water and bubbles.

She removed her clothes and tossed them aside.

She joined me.

Omce settled in, her hand disappeared behind the bubbles, aiming towards a rather discreet location.

Then,


she reached for my


hot new mixtape.

She was pretty surprised.
Quote by SGstriker
If KFC is finger-licking good, then people would probably suck dicks for Popeyes. That's how good it is.


There's nothing left here to be saved
Just barreling dogs and barking trains
Another year lost to the blue line
Last edited by Joshua Garcia at Jul 10, 2016,
#29
Quote by Joshua Garcia
For our anniversary I surprised my waifu.

I started by dimming all the lights in the house and lighting some exotic candles and throwing some rose petals on the ground in a trail that leads upstairs.

She followed the trail up. It lead into the upstairs bathroom. There, I was hiding in the tub, which was filled with warm water and bubbles.

She removed her clothes and tossed them aside.

She joined me.

Omce settled in, her hand disappeared behind the bubbles, aiming towards a rather discreet location.

Then,


she reached for my


hot new mixtape.

She was pretty surprised.



Some people do weird things for pet cats.
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#30
Quote by EpiExplorer
Some people do weird things for pet cats.
Quote by SGstriker
If KFC is finger-licking good, then people would probably suck dicks for Popeyes. That's how good it is.


There's nothing left here to be saved
Just barreling dogs and barking trains
Another year lost to the blue line
#31
I don't think that really detracts from my point.
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#32
Visiting my parents for a weekend and the weather is great - sunny, warm and a nice breeze. Did nothing but lie on one of those wooden deck chairs they had set up on the lawn and read for a couple of hours. Then I fell asleep for a bit. Then I woke up and my dad brought me coffee. And that was all great, but then came the added surprise: My mom had managed to find some kind of lemon cupcakes we used to buy when we took trips to Spain when I was younger. God those things are delicious.

Seriously, 10/10 day
Last edited by ultimate-slash at Jul 10, 2016,
#33
when you get really high and you don't wanna go get stuff to munch on but then you find some snacks you bought earlier for just that reason

it's like tiny christmases
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#34
I thought my grandma forgot my birthday but she just gave me my present now since she couldn't give it to me before.
cat