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#1
https://www.thrillist.com/eat/nation/the-bitchy-waiter-20-questions-to-never-ask-your-server?ref=twitter-869

1. "Is our food ready yet?"
You should know that when your food is ready, it will be on the table in front of you. Trust me.

2. "You don't close for two more minutes, right?"
You don't want to be the ones who are keeping an entire restaurant staff at work longer than they want to be.

3. "I don't see it on the menu, but can you make me ______?"
The menu has one purpose. Literally, one purpose. Use it.

4. "What's your real job?"
Plenty of people make their living waiting tables, and that makes it a real job.

5. "Can you change the music?"
Your server probably has no control over the music that is being piped in and, if he does, then he already chose what he wants to listen to. Anyway, do you go into your friend's house and immediately plug in your iPod?

6. "What's taking my well-done burger so long, did they have to go kill the cow?"
Well-done burgers take time, and that joke wasn't funny the first time your server heard it a million years ago. Also, why do you like all of the flavor cooked out of your burger?

7. "Can we sit over there instead of here?"
There is a method to the hostess' madness. But if you insist on asking this, do it before you sit down, place your order, and eat half of your food.

8. "What do you have?"
Again, we have a menu. Again, you should be using it.

9. "Is the coffee hot?"
If you have to ask, it probably won't be hot enough for you.

10. "If I'm allergic to gluten, what can I eat?"
You should know your own restrictions, but your server can answer more specific questions.

11. "Can you put a rush on my food?"
You are not more important than the people who ordered before you.

12. "Can I get a little extra liquor in my drink?"
If you're willing to pay for it, you surely can. Because that's basically ordering a second drink.

13. "Can I substitute the tomatoes in my salad for chicken instead?"
There is no restaurant in the world where diced tomato is an equal substitution for grilled chicken. Accept that.

14. "Is it okay if we sit here for a few more hours even though we paid our check and we don't want anything else?"
Servers make money by rotating their tables and if you hold it for too long, they lose out. So, is it okay if you slowly deplete your server's future earnings?

15. "What should I tip?"
Most servers are not allowed to discuss tips, but if they were they would tell you to tip at least 20% of your bill.

16. "What's the weather like out on the patio?"
Presumably, it's the same weather that you just experienced before you walked into the restaurant. Five seconds ago.

17. "Do I get something for free since it's my birthday?"
What are you? 5?

18. "Can you charge my iPhone for me?"
Your server can do this if you're okay with your iPhone sitting in a random side-stand without anyone watching it while pitchers of water and dirty plates get thrown around it.

19. "Can I get this teeny, tiny last bite of food wrapped up in a to-go container?"
Save your server the trouble, save the environment from another piece of Styrofoam, and just eat that last bite.

20. "Do you have a restroom?"
Of course we do. This is a restaurant. What you want to know is "where" it is.


What are your restaurant pet peeves?
“Just to sum up: I would do various things very quickly.” - Donald Trump
#2
when people tip
dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley
as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death
everything that you've come to expect


#4
Really the only peeve I have working at a restaurant is customers not specifying right away what they want. It's no trouble if you don't want something on your sandwich, or if you want no ice in your drink, but let me know immediately after you order it so we don't get started on it and throw stuff away because you're indecisive. Or asking for sauce, or an extra whatever, or replacing your salad dressing with someone else. Just say it as you order it and we'll be all right.
Free Ali
Free Lard
Last edited by chrismendiola at Jul 28, 2016,
#5
When you go to fill up drinks at a table and somebody had sprite and so you have a pitcher of sprite in your hand and you go to pour it but the lady is like "i had sprite not water"

bitch i know
“Just to sum up: I would do various things very quickly.” - Donald Trump
#6
When the server brings the bill to your table and then fucks off for 10 minutes even though it only took you 20 seconds to read the total, calculate the tip, and put the money inside.
#7
remember when kobe dropped 60 points?




#8
Once at mcdonalds while working lobby I had an old man ask me to poor him his coffee, I had to go get coffee, bring it to his table, and poor it like a fucking waiter.

Happened to me once, I've never seen it happen since.

He didn't seem visibly disabled either, if he had been I'd have understood it better.

Quote by institutions
When the server brings the bill to your table and then fucks off for 10 minutes even though it only took you 20 seconds to read the total, calculate the tip, and put the money inside.

Pfft, I just put the money down and leave, if someone pockets the money after I'm gone, it's their problem.
Last edited by stratkat at Jul 28, 2016,
#10
Call male servers "chief" and female servers "sweetheart" it builds rapport and ensures better service.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#11
rm -rf / ?

...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#12
"Have you cried in 2016?"

Quote by MinterMan22
remember when kobe dropped 60 points?

"Do you know how to self suck?"
Free Ali
Free Lard
#13
Quote by Xiaoxi
rm -rf / ?

LOL!
WHAT A
HORRIBLE
NIGHT TO
HAVE A
CURSE.
#14
some of those complaints seem dumb but I guess some of the general public are trash and it's okay to vent
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#15
Never see anyone asking these questions besides changing seatings tbh. But maybe that's because I'm not a server.

17 - Maybe I am.
19 - Ok but is that really an issue? Is it really causing them trouble? Unless they have a limited number of styrofoam carry outs, is it really any of their business?

Also had a friend who worked at McDonald's and had someone order the 20 piece chicken nuggets meal and they for some reason asked "How many nuggets does that come with?"
Quote by SGstriker
If KFC is finger-licking good, then people would probably suck dicks for Popeyes. That's how good it is.


There's nothing left here to be saved
Just barreling dogs and barking trains
Another year lost to the blue line
#17
When people ask for Coke and they throw a fit that you don't have Coke products
“Just to sum up: I would do various things very quickly.” - Donald Trump
#18
Does anyone actually ask any of those questions? They all sound like such douchey questions.
Last edited by DukeDeRox at Jul 28, 2016,
#19
Quote by bradulator
When people ask for Coke and they throw a fit that you don't have Coke products

When I ask for a coke and the server always apologises "we only have Pepsi is that okay?"
who in the world actually cares?
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#20
Quote by ElMaco
LOL!
glad at least 2 people know whatsup

...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#22
Quote by chrismendiola
Really the only peeve I have working at a restaurant is customers not specifying right away what they want. It's no trouble if you don't want something on your sandwich, or if you want no ice in your drink, but let me know immediately after you order it so we don't get started on it and throw stuff away because you're indecisive. Or asking for sauce, or an extra whatever, or replacing your salad dressing with someone else. Just say it as you order it and we'll be all right.
i always forget to ask for no mushrooms when i'm eating out somewhere, but i'm not an asshole so i either just tolerate them, or pick them out of the food as i'm eating.

my mom is the worst for asking to have stuff wrapped to go. she'll get home and tell me there's a piece of steak from some place she didn't finish.

open the box and it's p much just a big hunk of fat.

i usually just ask them to bring me the container with the check anyway and wrap the stuff up myself.

anyway my only real pet peeve when eating out is being within ear shot of someone being rude as fuck to their server.
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Last edited by jakesmellspoo at Jul 28, 2016,
#23
Quote by Hydra150
When I ask for a coke and the server always apologises "we only have Pepsi is that okay?"
who in the world actually cares?


There are people who care.

Dumb people.
“Just to sum up: I would do various things very quickly.” - Donald Trump
#24
Quote by slipknot5678
DukeDeRox

I have heard variations of all of these very recently. I have specific examples of each one from within the past month.

however a few of those questions arent really bad.

except #4. nobody has asked me that though i get people who are upset with seeing a male host and lecturing me on how im doing "women's work"
After re-reading it I can understand variations of some of them if they're spun in a less douchey way. Like replacing "what do you have" with "what do you recommend". Also 5, 7, 9, 17, 19, and 20 are okay if worded nicely. Maybe 3 if it's like not asking for sushi at a steak joint.

But I've never worked in a restaurant. Closest I've gotten to that is bartending and everyone was nice to me cause they wanted booze and quick.
#25
oh yeah and eating out with my dad p much means we get to pick wherever we want to sit because wheelchair.
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#27
Quote by Hydra150
When I ask for a coke and the server always apologises "we only have Pepsi is that okay?"
who in the world actually cares?

pepsi is good and coke is bad, but for some reason they taste the same at restaurants. if any restaurant scientists could explain this to me, i would be grateful.
#28
Quote by soundgarden1986
well coke taste like shit so i care

if they dont have pepsi i just get water
Vanilla coke > Pepsi > Coke.
#30
Quote by bradulator
There are people who care.

Dumb people.
Quote by soundgarden1986
well coke taste like shit so i care
seems right
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#31
brand loyalty is stupid and sodas are all carbonated corn syrup water with vaguely different tastes.

Dr Pepper is the best anyway.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#32
slipknot5678, what is your standard hourly wage (or what was)? and when you received tips, did you get them directly or did it go into some sort of "pot" where everyone shared at the end of the month? how much would you say you got from whichever one it was?
#33
Quote by Jackintehbox
pepsi is good and coke is bad, but for some reason they taste the same at restaurants. if any restaurant scientists could explain this to me, i would be grateful.

I think it's 'cuz it comes out of the fountain & is poured over ice, so it is less concentrated & syrupy than if you are sippin' it straight out of a bottle/can. But I am not a scientist.
#34
I've waited tables for too many years, if you don't have a bunch of memories regarding this list, then count yourselves lucky. People can be really shitty when they lead sad, pointless lives and have no friends. It's just real life trolling, since we can't slap them in the mouth like an unruly child. On the flip side, 97% of the customers I've served have been cool people, and knew how to act in public.
Coke vs Pepsi?
DRINK BEER!!! IT GETS YOU DRUNK!!!


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#35
I used to host and serve in restaurants and can confirm #1, 6, 7, 14 and 16 happen all the time. Somebody also asked me #4 once and I just walked away
#36
I'm terrible at math. What's 4% of 50?
Quote by Overlord
It's not hard to be nice, but it's nice to be hard
#37
4% of 100 is 4, 50 is half a 100, so just cut it in half.

2
Last edited by The4thHorsemen at Jul 29, 2016,
#38
When your eating at a small, laid back restaurant and a group of 8-10 loud ass old people come in. Ughh..
#39
A friend of mine who I regularly go to dinner with is a serial substituter.....she'll ask for all these modifications on her meals and gets shitty when she can't get them....makes me embarrassed to go share a table with her.
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