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#1
http://freebeacon.com/blog/if-you-hate-cargo-shorts-you-hate-america/

I think we all know that there is nothing more sickening in this day and age than female privilege. And there’s no variety of female privilege more galling than their sneering at men who wear cargo shorts. “Oh, what do you need all those pockets for?” they snap as they carry around a gigantic purse with 18 quarts of cubic space in which to carry all their ridiculous crap. “How could you possibly want to look so ridiculous?”

For some reason, people love to hate cargo shorts.

I’ve never understood this. Assuming you’re not striding down a runway in Milan—thus necessitating a clean, straight-leg profile—you’re probably wearing shorts because you want to stay cool. And if you’re a guy, you’re probably wearing shorts without carrying around a European man-bag. Which means you have a paucity of space to carry all your cargo.

This is where cargo shorts come in.

Now, every man’s cargo is different. I’m not intending to suggest in the infographic below that this is what everyone carries or should carry. I’m just using it as an illustration to help you fashion Nazis out there understand why a guy might throw on a pair of shorts with a bunch of pockets on them when they exit the house.

No other item of clothing comes close to being as useful as North American Cargo Shorts. Of course the elitist east coast establishment sneers at it with their dying gasp. America will be made great again not by these egghead losers but by men whose shorts sag under the weight of tools and electronics, books, and bottles. Don’t come crying to us when you need an airplane bottle of gin, poindexters.




What do you carry in the pockets of your cargo shorts?
“Just to sum up: I would do various things very quickly.” - Donald Trump
#2
I wear cargo shorts at theme parks so my wallet and phone don't fly off during a ride
#4
i wear cargo shorts exclusively
they're comfy and easy to wear!
#7
vests work better for wearable storage space.
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#8
What, who the hell carries a folded bucket hat.

You wear it on your goddamn head jeez
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Quote by Standard_A440
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#10
The only shorts I own are swim shorts and cargo shorts.

Just tend to put my phone, wallet and keys in the big pockets though. Phone left, wallet and keys right. Child paraphernalia if I'm with mini-RAB too.
My old signature was too long. Have a daisy.

Last edited by RAB11 at Aug 3, 2016,
#11
mate it's not just women who sneer at cargo shorts

they're great if you use them. I used to have a 5 or 6 pocket pair bc I didn't need to carry a bag then

but I looked like a tit so hey maybe its best left to travelling and shit
Quote by EndTheRapture51
who pays five hundred fucking dollars for a burger
Last edited by Banjocal at Aug 3, 2016,
#12
Quote by Gatecrasher53
What, who the hell carries a folded bucket hat.

You wear it on your goddamn head jeez


i love this song but i hate his voice :/
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#14
cargo shorts are murder




#16
I wear them knowing they're ugly AF. Right now, they're the only shorts I've got that fit, so I gotta make do and mend.
#17
Quote by chrismendiola
I wear them knowing they're ugly AF. Right now, they're the only shorts I've got that fit, so I gotta make do and mend.

don't you mean

make do and....


mendiola
#18
they really are a tragically ugly thing to wear
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
Youre officially uber shit now.

Quote by StewieSwan
3d9310rd is far more upset than i 

Quote by Bladez22
I'm a moron tho apparently and everyone should listen to you oh wise pretentious one
#19
This is what people who wear cargo shorts look like
Come back if you want to
And remember who you are
‘Cause there's nothing here for you my dear
And everything must pass
#20
I wish cargo shorts looked better. They look hideous so I don't wear them but it's not fair that women's clothing doesn't have any real pockets so I need a handbag just to carry a couple of tissues and my keys. That is not a privilege.
cat
#21
being able to carry a bag and not look like a dork is totally a privilege
#22
only acceptable if you wear camo ones and sew obscure band patches into them and attend slam metal gigs.

bonus points for shaved head.
O.K.

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
~ Bill Watterson


O__o
#24
I have been influenced by this horrible and oppressive narrative and have avoided buying cargo shorts in favor of less practical shorts for my upcoming holiday/traveling
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#25
Cargo pants are fine tho

EDIT: Why would anyone bother selling shorts in Scotland?
Come back if you want to
And remember who you are
‘Cause there's nothing here for you my dear
And everything must pass
Last edited by i_lovemetallica at Aug 3, 2016,
#26
Quote by i_lovemetallica
Cargo pants are fine tho

EDIT: Why would anyone bother selling shorts in Scotland?
hey we've had a few nice days this year
like four
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#27
Quote by institutions
they're comfy and easy to wear!

I came here for that reference and wasn't dissapointed
You hit 'em and they get back up
I hit 'em and they stay down
- Frank Castle
#28
Quote by Hydra150
hey we've had a few nice days this year
like four

o
Admittedly, when I went to the highlands, it was in the low 20's for a little bit, which was surprising.
Come back if you want to
And remember who you are
‘Cause there's nothing here for you my dear
And everything must pass
#29
Quote by Hydra150
I have been influenced by this horrible and oppressive narrative and have avoided buying cargo shorts in favor of less practical shorts for my upcoming holiday/traveling


I got some hipster chino ones.

Quote by i_lovemetallica
Cargo pants are fine tho

EDIT: Why would anyone bother selling shorts in Scotland?


wear around the house when someone insists on turning the heating up on one of those grey mild days but you think it's fine so just let them turn it on while you chill in shorts.
O.K.

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
~ Bill Watterson


O__o
#31
Quote by kalypto
being able to carry a bag and not look like a dork is totally a privilege


It's not my fault you don't know how to choose stylish bags
cat
#32
im actually wearing cargo shorts right now because i only own 4 pairs of shorts, half of which were given to me.

i hate buying shorts. too expensive. they should be at least half the price of pants.

i dont like keeping things in the big pockets because whatever it is swings around and slaps my knees when im walking.

hard enough having a dick that slaps against your knees.
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#33
Cargo shorts are just awful.

Carry less stuff. Be minimalist.


Handbags are only for extra lipstick and tampons anyway. Everyone knows that. Men don't need comparable pockets.
#34
Quote by guitarxo
It's not my fault you don't know how to choose stylish bags

there aren't any stylish bags for men though
#35
The only thing that cargo shorts are useful for, is for concealed carry. My P226 has never been better hidden.
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#36
Quote by kalypto
there aren't any stylish bags for men though


That's why you get a satchel







My old signature was too long. Have a daisy.

#37
Quote by RBM01991
The only thing that cargo shorts are useful for, is for concealed carry. My P226 has never been better hidden.


Fucking hell.

See, cargo short wearers. This is the company you keep.
#38
Quote by RBM01991
The only thing that cargo shorts are useful for, is for concealed carry. My P226 has never been better hidden.

That rash must be pretty bad that you have to carry your cream around with you
#39
Quote by Mistress_Ibanez
Fucking hell.

See, cargo short wearers. This is the company you keep.


Yes it is and I'm ok with that. Anyone that's taken the time/money to acquire a concealed carry license is no threat to anyone not committing a crime. (CC license holders commit less crime per capita than police, and shoot the wrong guy less often...)
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”
Charles Darwin
#40
Quote by Arby911
Yes it is and I'm ok with that. Anyone that's taken the time/money to acquire a concealed carry license is no threat to anyone not committing a crime. (CC license holders commit less crime per capita than police, and shoot the wrong guy less often...)


Yeah I'm sure you are. I bet you have a whole wardrobe full of cargo shorts too.
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