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#1


http://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/07/opinion/sunday/do-your-friends-actually-like-you.html?_r=1

THINK of all the people with whom you interact during the course of a day, week, month and year. The many souls with whom you might exchange a greeting or give a warm embrace; engage in chitchat or have a deeper conversation. All those who, by some accident of fate, inhabit your world. And then ask yourself who among them are your friends — your true friends. Recent research indicates that only about half of perceived friendships are mutual. That is, someone you think is your friend might not be so keen on you. Or, vice versa, as when someone you feel you hardly know claims you as a bestie.

It’s a startling finding that has prompted much discussion among psychologists, neuroscientists, organizational behavior experts, sociologists and philosophers. Some blame human beings’ basic optimism, if not egocentrism, for the disconnect between perceived and actual friendships. Others point to a misunderstanding of the very notion of friendship in an age when “friend” is used as a verb, and social inclusion and exclusion are as easy as a swipe or a tap on a smartphone screen. It’s a concern because the authenticity of one’s relationships has an enormous impact on one’s health and well-being.


According to medical experts, playing it safe by engaging in shallow, unfulfilling or nonreciprocal relationships has physical repercussions. Not only do the resulting feelings of loneliness and isolation increase the risk of death as much as smoking, alcoholism and obesity; you may also lose tone, or function, in the so-called smart vagus nerve, which brain researchers think allows us to be in intimate, supportive and reciprocal relationships in the first place.


So it’s worth identifying who among the many people you encounter in your life are truly friends. Who makes time for you? Whose company enlivens, enriches and maybe even humbles you? Whom would you miss? Who would miss you? While there is no easy or agreed upon definition, what friendships have in common is that they shape us and create other dimensions through which to see the world. This can be for better or worse depending on whom we choose as friends. As the saying goes, “Show me your friends and I will show you who you are.”
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#2
I don't know..
o()o

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#3
I'm only 100% sure of one friend and hes the only person i regularly hang with (once every 6 months)
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Last edited by jakesmellspoo at Aug 8, 2016,
#4
They're always there for me and never bail on plans so yeah I guess
You hit 'em and they get back up
I hit 'em and they stay down
- Frank Castle
#5
I would question their judgment if they did.

...modes and scales are still useless.


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#7
I guess they do? Don't really think about it. Try and not be a jerk, don't hit on the girlfriends but talk to them like people, occasionally disagree and call them stupid? My long term friends I kind of tired if i'm around them for too long, they live a lot in the past, so it's just the same conversations over and over. I get very impatient with it.
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#10
I shave this right down by only contacting those who first elect to contact me.

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Last edited by Banjocal at Aug 8, 2016,
#11
I know all of my closest friends do. I get on well with most people I meet so I'd assume my less close friends and acquaintances do as well.

Nobody seems to hate me enough to be off with me to my face, put it that way.
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#14
Well, yeah, there's 'friends' that you hang around with, like co-workers, schoolmates, neighbors and etc, and there's the friends that you're almost family-like close to. In the last 10 years I think I've had between 3-4 actual close friends and I know they like me as much as I like them.
#15
How is this a lime news or some recent finding or something? Haven't people always known that?
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#18
Well, they all have reasons to hate me but not sure if they do.

There's this one guy I see at things, who always comes up and chit-chats for 5 minutes and I FUCKIGN hate him even though I act like I'm glad to have his company. He's really petty and annoying and bizarre. I thought he was autistic at first so I didn't mind, but turns out he's just a creepo!
#19
My best friends like me back for sure

Too bad I don't like them hahahahahaha

jk luv u guys xxxxxxx
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#21
Well, considering that I only tolerate most people, I wouldn't be surprised if they only tolerate me just to get by. I was taught to be respectful to people, even if I don't personally care for them.

Maybe that's why I have no close friends?
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#22
Lyle is my best friend and he loves me thiiiiiiiiiiis much:

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#23
High school friends I always got the impression of them not liking me, they never invited me to plans which they discussed together in front of me. A small handful of them I still keep in touch with and I can tell they truly do enjoy our friendship because of it (one of them died last year).

My current group of friends that I see on a regular basis I'm pretty sure like me, sometimes I wonder but I don't get the same sense as I did in high school
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#24
Don't think I have close friends. That said, the people Im around regularly go out of their way if they see I need help and I do the same for them. As one gets older i think we form alliances over friendships, which I'm sure can be debated.
#25
Well, it is somewhat comforting reading these post and seeing I am not the only one who choses to not make or have friends by design. I have three reasons for abstaining from friendships
1) we all eventually move on either to a new job, college, city, state, or simply out grow each other.
2) we eventually turn on each other for one reason or another.
3) when a friendship is lost there is no return on all the time and effort that was invested bonding with another human and I find myself bankrupt of emotions from the cost of trading shares of vulnerability at low interest rates in a subprime market.

I have a wife and kids, we're all stuck with each other. I know that too will have an end some day as I am currently enduring my own mothers last days on earth with us: cancer. She has lived a full and beautiful life. And death is being a bitch killing her slowly with no mercy. But Ma's a tuff Pollock. She's got the reaper in a hammer lock making the reaper her bitch before she goes.
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Last edited by jamesmickanen at Aug 8, 2016,
#26
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Either you live in an ass-backwards society where divorce is illegal or you're holding them at gunpoint.
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#27
Uncertain.. How about you, OP?
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#28
I don't like most of my friends, so it's natural to assume that the feeling's mutual.
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#29
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High school friends I always got the impression of them not liking me, they never invited me to plans which they discussed together in front of me.

damn, i know that shit pretty well.

i used to be friends with this one kid who pulled some shit where he asked if he could stay at my place for a while because he'd gotten kicked out of his mom's house, came over with a bottle of pills he'd stolen from her, slept at my house one night, then went to go party without me for a week.

it goes on and on and downhill from there. i don't feel like typing all that bullshit out.
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#31
Don't see much of the glamour over "true friendship". You have relationships with people and these are fluid. As long as you both are honest about your relationship no level is better than any other, being "true friends" isn't necessarily better than just being "friends" or acquaintances.

I love my friends, but I don't really make time for them or feel they "enliven, enrich and humble " me, at least not that directly. Does that mean I'm not a "true" friend and my friendships are a farce? Not really, I consciously do the above because of who I am and how I decide to spend my time. I love the time I spend with my friends when I spend the right amount, and I wouldn't even mind spending more time with them, but other things in my life make me not choose to "make time" for them, at least not like being available every day of the week and stuff. I.e I consciously try not to have "super close" friendships, or at least don't actively seek them

If some of them aren't "true friends" towards me I won't mind, as long as I know it (or can figure it out by hanging out with them and stuff).
Plus, different cultures have different tastes. I think the "have very few but very close friends" thing happens in the US only (because of large distances, and stuff that makes people feel lonely and shit, etc), so realizing a friend is not a "true" friend would be terrifying or something. Not so much over here.
Last edited by gonzaw at Aug 8, 2016,
#32
chrismendiola sssssssh ??
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#33
Coming up on 12yrs married. Damn near came close to divorce a time or two. But we're both too stubborn to go through with. And a little sick in the head... to say the least.
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#34
My real friends like me. I don't bother with anyone else. I have coworkers that don't like me, but it doesn't bother me because I don't like them either.
#35
I don't have to worry about that because all my friends are online and are thus a figment of my imagination.
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#36
strangers and acquaintances are the best kind of people. I may be contradicting myself but family and friends are in too close. I find myself hiding from and avoiding both, and taking great lengths to do so. Think about it, who annoys you most? It's probably family or a friend. Acquaintances (the good ones) know their boundaries. Family and friends be all up in your shit, talking shit. And when it comes to violent crimes, it's usually some one you know, someone close.
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Last edited by jamesmickanen at Aug 9, 2016,
#37
the only friends I have come with benefits winky face emoji
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#38
funny how bradulator is always deferring to a higher authority. so do you have any thoughts of your own, or is everything you know written in a NYT (pinko rag) opinion column? fucking sheep. baah baaaah.
#39
And to answer the question, no, I do not like any of my friends. I hope my friends do not really like me.
1984 Yamaha SG1000X
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2011 Gretsch G5120 Electromatic
2014 Fender Mustang I (V.2)
2016 Gibson Custom Shop Standard Historic 1957 Les Paul Goldtop Reissue VOS
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