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#1
Share your tips and tricks that make you look more productive at work than you actually are

  • After half an hour roll the sleeves on your shirt up so it looks like you are working hard
  • Walk around everywhere quite briskly so it looks like you're in a rush and very busy
  • Book a meeting room and work in there on your own so it looks like you are doing very hard work and don't need any distractions.


Please add to the list!

longing rusted furnace daybreak seventeen benign nine homecoming one freight car
#3
Reply to threads on a forum vigorously and often to make it seem to others that you are very busy sending lots of emails.
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

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#4
Quote by kalypto
young man

Quote by Mr E Meat
this is your brain

this is your brain on RT

Quote by Standard_A440
Given that you reside in the shade of the natural light of reason, I will defer doing your homework to you.
#5
Disclaim in horror that you've just received an e-mail saying you need to do an absurd amount of work before a ridiculous deadline and what were they thinking

That's essentially how my typical day starts. Sucks that it's usually true
#6
draw some eyes on your eyelids so it looks like you're still awake even tho you're sleeping

you're welcome
that one's free
#7
Quote by institutions
draw some eyes on your eyelids so it looks like you're still awake even tho you're sleeping

you're welcome
that one's free


Damn. Next level shit.
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

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#8
Also take plenty of poops at work. Not sure it will make you look more productive, but it's just good advice in general.
#9
Get up and make a cuppa from time to time but also offer your colleagues one so they're less inclined to grass you.
My old signature was too long. Have a daisy.

#12
Quote by chrismendiola
  • Actually do some fucking work.



GET THE FUCK OUT
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

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#13
Quote by chrismendiola
  • Actually do some fucking work.


lol get a load of this dweeb
My old signature was too long. Have a daisy.

#14
Periodically rub your temples with your eyes closed and say "I can't even" even though you're not actually doing much and probably can even.
Quote by jakesmellspoo
ooh look at me i'm ERIKLENSHERR and i work at fancy pants desk jobs and wear ties and ply barely legal girls with weed and booze i'm such a classy motherfucker.
#15
I can't help thinking that researching tips and tricks to look productive takes at least as much effort as actually working.
Death to Ovation haters!
#16
Quote by ErikLensherr
Periodically rub your temples with your eyes closed and say "I can't even" even though you're not actually doing much and probably can even.


I can't even with this... WHY, GOD!?
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#18
I liked to leave a half-typed email ready so if I'm on UG or facebook or somethin and my boss walks by I can just click to a half-written email and add another sentence or two until the all-clear
Check out my band Disturbed
#19
When your boss questions you on how much work you do point to your UGIQ as a sign of your productivity.
My old signature was too long. Have a daisy.

#20
Quote by RAB11
When your boss questions you on how much work you do point to your UGIQ as a sign of your productivity.


Flawless.
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

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#21
move around a lot.

i actually never had much to do at my one food service job so i made myself look busy by cleaning the same countertops 10 times a day.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#22
Quote by jakesmellspoo
move around a lot.


For those in an office, this is counterproductive to the point of this thread. We need tips for the petit bourgeois, not the common proletariat.
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

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#23
Put your tie over your shoulder, pick up some files and hold them as you would a box (both hands under), and walk quickly.
Quote by EndTheRapture51
who pays five hundred fucking dollars for a burger
#24
Quote by Banjocal
Put your tie over your shoulder, pick up some files and hold them as you would a box (both hands under), and walk quickly.

You must also be sure to have either a frantic or frustrated look upon your face as you do it, though.
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#26
emit a constant subsonic hum that makes everyone around you feel a sense of dread and anxiety and if they ask you about it just tell them it's cause they don't work as hard as you and then they'll never go around you again because of the sub-sonic hum
it's all just coming back
it's all coming back

it's all coming back to me
#27
If the phone rings and it's your supervisor and you've been sitting in the office or shop or whatever for awhile, tell them you just got back or you had just about left before the phone rang.
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#28
Quote by Baby Joel
emit a constant subsonic hum that makes everyone around you feel a sense of dread and anxiety and if they ask you about it just tell them it's cause they don't work as hard as you and then they'll never go around you again because of the sub-sonic hum

So the King Engine?
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#29
Quote by zgr0826
For those in an office, this is counterproductive to the point of this thread. We need tips for the petit bourgeois, not the common proletariat.
skum
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#30
Quote by jakesmellspoo
skum

Pleb
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#31
Quote by zgr0826
Pleb
you'll be sorry when the revolution happens and we hang the bourgeoisie from their neckties.

join me, comrades.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#32
Quote by jakesmellspoo
you'll be sorry when the revolution happens and we hang the bourgeoisie from their neckties.

join me, comrades.


Your revolution? There will be no such thing. Your savior Bernard Sanders was incapable of defeating our hand-picked representatives.
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#33
Quote by zgr0826
Your revolution? There will be no such thing. Your savior Bernard Sanders was incapable of defeating our hand-picked representatives.
who the fuck said anything about the Bern?

i plan on making a Franken-Lenin-Stalin to lead us to victory.

right after i can motivate myself to not sit in my room in my underwear.

the struggle is real, comrades.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#34
Quote by jakesmellspoo
Franken-Lenin-Stalin


Hmm...
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#35
make that a Franken-Lenin-Stalin-Stein.

woah
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#36
Quote by jakesmellspoo
make that a Franken-Lenin-Stalin-Stein.

woah


Woah... You're blowing my mind with your radical thoughts, you non-conformist, you.
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#37
When people start talking to you, ignore them for like 5 seconds and then suddenly turn and look at them apologizing for being so engrossed in your work that you didn't hear what they were saying.


I've never faked being productive but I actually do this a lot for real so I feel like it would actually work.
cat
#38
curse and swear a lot.

and if you're a mechanic laying under a car, you can tie your hands up around the driveshaft and take a nap.
how many movements do you have going on, psychotic ?
#40
Quote by stratkat
Smoke meth.


That would just make you productive until you thought that everyone was trying to get you.
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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