Poll: Having kids later in life (post 40)
Poll Options
View poll results: Having kids later in life (post 40)
It's wrong
1 4%
It's not the best idea
7 30%
It's questionable
4 17%
It's fine
10 43%
It's actually a good idea
1 4%
Voters: 23.
#1
Having kids after, say, 40. Is it ethical?


My parents had me pretty late (like 34 or smth) and it's definitely impacted me in a negative way. I never knew any of my great-grandparents. My mom's dad died when I was 3, my dad's dad died when I was 9, my dad's mom died when I was around 14, but she had been senile and crazy for as long as I could remember anyway. My mom's mom is still kicking ass at 92.

This kid that works for me is 19 and his dad is 72. I feel bad thinking that he'll probably lose his parents to old age before he hits 30.


Is it wrong to have kids later in life?
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#2
Similar situation, my parents had me in their mid 30's. All my grandparents were dead before I was 10.


The answer to your question is no, though. Then again, my wife and I aren't having kids.


Because fuck that noise lol.


EDIT:

Good poll choice, btw.
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#3
I think you need to edit the title to be "Is it selfish to deny your parents grandchildren? but I got what you meant.

I'm not having kids and my entire family knows about it. They don't have the right to be disappointed since they're not the ones taking care of them on an every day basis. So is it selfish in my opinion? No absolutely not. Its YOUR life. Do whatever you want.
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#4
you should only have kids if you're able to support them until they graduate college, go to the best school, have the best clothes/entertainment/travel experience, car, support their hobbies, etc

otherwise, you're just another unfit parent like 90% of them.

in general, i think it's selfish to raise kids in this modern world
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#5
As a guy who became a dad at 22 I'm gonna go ahead and say yes because not only am I still young and cool but my parents are still very much in the prime of their lives so they can play an active role in mini-RAB's life.

That was definitely a conscious decision and totally not hasty and poor life planning
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#6
Quote by RBM01991
I think you need to edit the title to be "Is it selfish to deny your parents grandchildren? but I got what you meant.

I'm not having kids and my entire family knows about it. They don't have the right to be disappointed since they're not the ones taking care of them on an every day basis. So is it selfish in my opinion? No absolutely not. Its YOUR life. Do whatever you want.


No, read more carefully.
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#7
If you added 3 years to my dads age, he'd be 3 times older than me. He might as well be my granddad.

I met my Irish grandfather once, when I was 4 years old on a trip to New York I only have one memory of. I've never thought about him in any context since then. He might as well not have existed. Same with my grandmother, who wasn't my maternal grandmother (for complicated reasons). She did live with us in the early 2000's when I was 9 or 10. She was with us when 9/11 happened. All I remember about her is that she had very short hair and 'strong' opinions on 'ethnics' (which I don't remember any of).

My other grandfather died in 2005 (I think, it was a weird time). On top of being a native Lithuanian who'd seen some shit in WW2, he was 82. He was nice but I didnt know anything about him until 3 years ago when I asked. Told me a (slightly butchered) joke once:

An American is talking to a lithuanian, the lithuanian needs to go to the toilet. When he comes back, the american asks 'hey, the sinks a little dicey, manage to wash your hands? We americans make it a point to wash our hands'.

And the lithuanian says 'sure, but we in lithuania make it a point to not pee on our hands in the first place'.

Was pretty good. But yeah, I barely knew the guy until way afterwards. Same with dutch grandmother, who died in july this year. She's the one I had most contact with, and she was nice, wasn't a bad a person, but I knew her at her worst when she had dementia and it was not something I'd want anyone to see.

In general, if I were to have children, which is most likely not going to happen cuz I just dont want children, I doubt my parents would be alive to meet them.

Not that I'd want them to know my parents either, cuz reasons.
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#8
Not saying it is selfish to each their own. I knew all of my grandparents and some of my great grandparents and I am glad that I did. Being a young gransparent myself I'm glad my grandchildren are able to know my wife and I's parents and I'm glad to be able to spoil the crap out of them and then send them home to my daughter, revenge is sweet!
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#9
I don't think it's selfish unless you're doing it for selfish reasons. Like if you're just trying to be a shit to your parents, then that's a dick move. If you're holding off having kids for legitimate reasons, like money for example, I don't see a problem with it.

That being said, my grandparents have always been in the picture since I was born, so it's hard for me to imagine having never had them in my life. My grandfather passed away almost 2 years ago, and I was completely gutted. But I do have fond memories of the time we spent together and I still get to see my grandmother occasionally.
Last edited by drdoom8793 at Sep 13, 2016,
#10
Nope. Maybe it's because I've never met my own grandparents, but I've never seen the grandparent experience as necessary. Nice, maybe. Essential, no.
#11
Quote by StewieSwan
No, read more carefully.


Ah ok, makes more sense now. My answer is still the same though.
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#12
No. Better to have kids later in life when you can support them than if you couldn't support them earlier in your life.

My eldest sister never thought she'd have a child but she eventually found the right guy and had my niece when she was 40. I'm just happy for her. My nan is still alive so she has great-grandparents as well as grandparents.

Tbh people can die at any time anyway. My grandad died when he was in his early 60s, before I was born. :Shrug:

Edit:also the chance of conceiving naturally is very low at 40, so it's not exactly that common.
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#13
It's a good idea, because once they're past 40, women all have a vag like a wizard's sleeve, so they'll hardly feel giving birth at all.

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#14
Quote by OddOneOut
No. Better to have kids later in life when you can support them than if you couldn't support them earlier in your life.
chance of serious birth defect increases the older the pregnancy... after 35 def.

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#15
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chance of serious birth defect increases the older the pregnancy... after 35 def.
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#16
My dad was old as shit when he had me and my grandparents died when I was young. Nothing terrible happened nor did it affect my life in a negative way.
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#17
Quote by Xiaoxi
chance of serious birth defect increases the older the pregnancy... after 35 def.
Chance of getting pregnant also decreases however. Either way, most people will likely be able to support a child better when they're 30 than in their early 20s (which is apparently prime time for childbearing)

No one should be pressured into having children for the sake of other people though.
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#18
I don't think it's wrong. But I really appreciated having grandparents even though I didn't see them that often so I do think it is a valuable experience.

I also plan to have kids as early as reasonably possible because of my family's history of reproductive issues. Even if it's just a C-section and nothing major, I'll heal better if I'm younger. I'll also probably have more energy to deal with kids at a younger age, and my parents will not be so old that they can't be active with my children too.
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#19
my mom was 19 when i was born.

my extended family is very dysfunctional, one grandparent died in her 50s, and one is estranged after cheating on my grandma for ten years. despite having young parents, my great grandfathers were dead, one great grandmother died when i was 3, and the other i met a handful of times before she died (she outlived my grandma).

in terms of family i dont think much would have changed if i was born later cause we are distanced either way and that's a good thing tbh
#20
Its kinda stink in the example given in the OP. 72 years and your kid is only getting into the 20's but who knows, maybe the 72er has another 30 years left in him.
#21
Quote by OddOneOut
Edit:also the chance of conceiving naturally is very low at 40, so it's not exactly that common.

I thought this was a myth and that it's actually 50 or so.
#22
I think that it's great for your kids to have grandparents because you can just leave them with grandparents whenever you can't be bothered to deal with their bullshit. For me, that would be 99% of the time and I know my mum would be more than happy to look after my fictional future kids.

Great-grandparents are also useful because your kids will be able to mock those feeble peasants that never knew any great-grandparents. So yes, having kids over the age of 40 is wrong. Maybe even 35.
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#23
Quote by ali.guitarkid7
I thought this was a myth and that it's actually 50 or so.
50 is around the age for the start of the menopause, after which women can no longer conceive naturally and it's very difficult for a woman to have a baby through IVF due to the hormonal changes the body experiences (the body struggles to cope and health risks are greatly increased.)

After about 35 fertility starts to decline significantly and risk of birth defects increases, hence the "ticking clock". It just gets harder for women to conceive but certainly not impossible. The reason you hear about more women having children in their late 30s is generally due to societal changes where women want to pursue a career first.

Yes there's a lot of generalisations and estimates for averages but it's not a myth afaik. You're probably thinking of women's sexual prime which is supposedly around 40, and is definitely not about conception.
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#24
Having kids is immoral when you can adopt.
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#25
Adopting kids is immoral (and too much effort) when you could adopt a kitten or a puppy

But that is also immoral when you could adopt an adult cat/dog/other creature

And adopting an adult creature of some sort is hugely immoral when you could adopt a tree/plant/atom

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#26
There's way too many potential variables for there to be a definitive answer to this question

my parents had me young enough to where I've had a chance to have a relationship with my father's grandparents (actually lived with them at one point) and my mother's grandma. Due to a lot of family drama though I didn't get to spend a lot of time with much of my extended family as a whole and more than likely will never speak to a most of them again (some of them are the scum of the earth), so I don't think it matters in my case but that's something that would be different for every person

My parents weren't exactly 100% prepared for me when I was pooped out so my quality of life was significantly less than a lot of my extended family members, although I still do appreciate being able to at least know my great grandparents despite how young I was. Would I have preferred to have been born more well off and not been an accidental pregnancy over that, though? I don't know.

I feel as though the fact that so many people have to make the choice between "being financially prepared for a child in a society where so many fall before or at the poverty line and can't get out of it" vs. "I don't want my children to grow up without strong extended family support cause I waited too long and now everyone is dead and I'm in my 40s" is a topic within itself really
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#28
Quote by OddOneOut
50 is around the age for the start of the menopause, after which women can no longer conceive naturally and it's very difficult for a woman to have a baby through IVF due to the hormonal changes the body experiences (the body struggles to cope and health risks are greatly increased.)

After about 35 fertility starts to decline significantly and risk of birth defects increases, hence the "ticking clock". It just gets harder for women to conceive but certainly not impossible. The reason you hear about more women having children in their late 30s is generally due to societal changes where women want to pursue a career first.

Yes there's a lot of generalisations and estimates for averages but it's not a myth afaik. You're probably thinking of women's sexual prime which is supposedly around 40, and is definitely not about conception.


For unassisted conception:
At age 30

75% will have a conception ending in a live birth within one year
91% will have a conception ending in a live birth within four years

At age 35

66% will have a conception ending in a live birth within one year
84% will have a conception ending in a live birth within four years

At age 40

44% will have a conception ending in a live birth within one year
64% will have a conception ending in a live birth within four years


sauce
#29
Of all the ethical questions raised having kids later on - your thread title is perhaps the weirdest possible one to take from it
#30
My mum was 33 when I was born and Dad was 36, one of my Grandfather's died 20 years before I was born, and the other died when I was 4. Both my grandmothers are still going (reasonably) strong.

I don't think having grandparents is a totally essential aspect of childhood. It's nice to have, but in the grand scheme of things I don't think your kid will descend to being a meth dealing smackhound because their grandparents are dead.
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#31
My grandparents are all alive and kicking, but I spent most of my childhood on a different continent to them, so I only ever saw them when they came to visit or we went back home so I cherished those moments as a kid.

Now I live about 20 minutes from one set and 4 hours for another, and I sort of take them for granted a bit. But the relationship mini-RAB has with all four of his grandparents is so good I think it'd be a shame if he'd had to miss out on that.
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#33
Quote by slapsymcdougal
For unassisted conception:


sauce

That's really interesting to see those figures, especially that their simulations show that at age 30 91% of women will be able to conceive and have a live birth within 4 years, but that at age 40 only 65% will be able to do so within 4 years and only 44% within that first year of trying. Thanks for digging em up!

I've now weirdly started reading through some of these, and there's lots of interesting papers, particularly this one titled "Fertility and ageing." http://humupd.oxfordjournals.org/content/11/3/261.full Which notes that women aged 35-39 are actually about half as capable at child bearing compared to 19-25 year olds. And also that chances of Down's syndrome is 35% for women over 40 but <2% for those under 25.


Don't think I've mentioned in here at all that I am all in favour of kids being able to know their grandparents. I love my nan dearly and she is a big part of my life. I don't know what I'll do when she's gone. My dad was 40 when I was born so the fact that my nan was retired when i was young was very handy for my parents.
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