#1
T'was a cold December Christmas of 1990.
Old man Slash and Old lady Slash were just finishing up in the kitchen, putting away the left over food from the great feast.
Drinks flowed and songs were sung, people danced, a great night was had by all and the last guests stumbled out the door towards the taxi.
"Merry Christmas" could be heard, exchanged by strangers as they passed by the street window.

Old man Slash began loading the dishwasher with the last dishes.
"You go on up to bed love" he said, to old lady Slash, "I got this shit".

When Old man Slash entered the bedroom, he was welcomed by a warm glowing smile.
"Do you know what I want?" said old lady Slash.
"What?" said old man Slash.
She parted her legs as wide as she could.
"Oh, I know what you want, you want the whole fecking bed to yourself, don't you?"

Suddenly, the penny dropped and old man Slash jumped into bed.
A great plowing session ensued and moments later, some more pennies were dropped.

Fast forward to September of 1991, "We'll call him Ultimate" Mr. and Mrs. Slash agreed.

And this my friends, is the story of the birthday of Ultimate-Slash.

Happy bearday BFF

#2
nice post lol
hbd
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^ I've just realised if you say Simple Plan's 2011 effort "Get Your Heart On!" really fast in a Southern American accent, it sounds gross. . .like sexual gross!

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Hello.
I'm looking for professional bongo-ists and triangle-ists to make a Progressive Technical Brutal Death Metal band
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https://soundcloud.com/95dank



#3
Have an ultimate birthday!

wait shit that's actually a horrible thing to wish to someone
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.


Listening to: A bunch of forced listening by my composition teacher... some great stuff by Bach, Haydn, Mozart, Schubert, Liszt...


GTA V! ... the 120th game of the franchise.
#4
Hbd buddy!
My old signature was too long. Have a daisy.

#5
Merry birthmas!
Quote by snipelfritz
You lost me at "Lubricate."

I'm raw, like nature. Nature boy. Big jungle leaves are my cum rags.

Sometimes I fuck a bamboo shoot.


There's nothing left here to be saved
Just barreling dogs and barking trains
Another year lost to the blue line
#6
Quote by Wolfinator-x
Have an ultimate birthday!

wait shit that's actually a horrible thing to wish to someone

It was the best
And it was the last
Quote by Trowzaa
I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#7
Quote by UltimateGuizar
She parted her legs as wide as she could.
"Oh, I know what you want, you want the whole fecking bed to yourself, don't you?"



HB Ulti!
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this is your brain

this is your brain on RT

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Given that you reside in the shade of the natural light of reason, I will defer doing your homework to you.
Last edited by Gatecrasher53 at Sep 19, 2016,
#9
Present 1: A flat tyre when I still had 5 km to go to work
Present 2: 2 extra hours of work
Present 3: A huge hole in the side walk in front of my front door, meaning I had to move a pile of bricks and then take a running jump to get to the door, after which a guy starts yelling at me to leave his bricks alone

Man, if I had known being a grown-up would be this much fun, I'd have turned 25 years ago!
#16
Hello ulti,

I'd like to give:



oh wait

it's a hyphen not an apostrophe



happy birthday tho
#18
Quote by ultimate-slash
Where did you get that pic of my eyes?
With eyes like those, who wouldn't have a pic of them?
#19
How rude of me! I nearly forgot your present. Here's a picture of a man (probably you tbf) going for an Ultimate Slash.

My old signature was too long. Have a daisy.