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#1
Preface: I'm not here looking for medical advice, I went to the doctor yesterday and i have a mystery on my hands. I will take advice or anecdotes, but mostly I'm looking to vent to strangers.

So, i hurt my dick...
I was in the car going down the thruway and had to piss pretty bad. So i grab an empty coffee cup and i do my thing. Before i know it, the cup is getting pretty full, so my wife hands me her empty cup. I pinched myself off and was filled with horrible pain as i let loose into cup number two. Now everytime i pee i feel like i closed my dick in a door. Doc says my pee came back clean and an exam proved equally uninformative. Now it's my wife's birthday and id like to give her some special cuddles, but im afraid to use myjunk any more than necessary.

Feel free to laugh at my pain. I was an idiot. Long story short, be nice to your dick, fellas.
#3
I've stopped numerous times mid stream (without pinching or, much less, touching it) just to see if I could when I was younger.

I could.

And I felt no pain.
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Last edited by Joshua Garcia at Sep 20, 2016,
#4
Sorry to hear that, man.
-BUBBA-
Last edited by bubba at Sep 25, 2016,
#5
Quote by Joshua Garcia
I've stopped numerous times mid stream (without pinching or, much less, touching it) just to see if I could when I was younger.

I could.

And I felt no pain.


It's good exercise in muscle control.

TS, your wife is a saint. You are an idiot. (As regards this instance, not generally.)

I don't know what happened (although I can hazard a guess, but won't because you asked us not to) but I have to say thanks for the hilarious mental image!!
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”
Charles Darwin
#6
Arby911
I am in fact accepting guesses. I just wanted to weed out the "go t the doctor" posts that will inevitably fillthe thread
#7
Dude, you probably bruised your dick. How hard were you pinching it?
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

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#8
Why on earth would you pinch your dick to stop pissing?
Eat your pheasant
Drink your wine
Your days are numbered, bourgeois swine!
#10
Quote by gratefulduck
I didn't think it was all that hard, i really don't know, it all happened so fast

The pressure of you pinching mixed with the pressure of your piss probably caused some bruising in your urinary tract. Good job.
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

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#11
You were pissing in coffee cups? You deserve your pain
My God, it's full of stars!
#12
Maybe you should piss before you take off for a long ride in a car or get a catheter
"A well-wound coil is a well-wound coil regardless if it's wound with professional equipment, or if somebody's great-grandmother winds it to an old French recipe with Napoleon's modified coffee grinder and chops off the wire after a mile with an antique guillotine!"
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#13
When I was a kid I snapped my banjo string while enjoying Britney Spears' latest music video. I told the doc I slipped while peeing.

In conclusion, I have no idea why someone would pinch their penis while peeing. Just use your willy muscles. Also if I was pissing into a cup in the car (I wouldn't, but IF) and it got full, there's not a single chance my girlfriend would be in any way a help
#14
What a coincidence. I hurt my dick too. Well....Katie Perry did with her whiskerbiscuit.
#15
get a sleazy lawyer and sue new york.

you may need to use a squatty potty for the rest of your life
how many movements do you have going on, psychotic ?
#16
Quote by gratefulduck
Now it's my wife's birthday and id like to give her some special cuddles, but im afraid to use myjunk any more than necessary


ya got a tongue, don't ya?
bawitaba a bang a bang diggy diggy diggy sed the boogie sed up jump the boogie
#17
lol what. Do you even kegel bruh

Quote by TobusRex
whiskerbiscuit.


lmao
#18
Quote by Dreadnought
You were pissing in coffee cups? You deserve your pain

Why not, it's not like it'll be any more of a detriment to the taste
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I wish I was American.

~ A Rolling Potato Gathers No Moss ~
#19
I can pinch it ez
Gotta have control of yrself
But boys will be boys and girls have those eyes
that'll cut you to ribbons, sometimes
and all you can do is just wait by the moon
and bleed if it's what she says you ought to do
#20
did you literally pinch your dick or did you use your muscles. because if you can't do it by just using your muscles, there's an underlying health issue and you may need a full check up

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#21
it's gonna fall off and you're gonna die

if you had just ripped it off this wouldn't have happened
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#22
Quote by theogonia777
it's gonna fall off and you're gonna die

if you had just ripped it off this wouldn't have happened


An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: “I’ve got bad news for you. You’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it.”

The man looks a little perplexed and says: “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc.”

The doctor answers: “I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”

The man screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!”

The doctor replies: “Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice.”

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease.”

The guy says to the doctor: “Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!”

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: “Stupid American doctors, always want to operate. Make more money that way. No need to operate!”

“Oh, Thank God!,” the man replies.

“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor, “you no worry! Wait two weeks... it fall off by itself!”
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”
Charles Darwin
#23
Quote by Arby911
the most triggering thing EVER


Ummm, like, can you you just, like, not be so problematic and stuff? Like, uuuuuuuUUUGGGGGGHHHhhhh. I, like, can't even with this...
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#24
Quote by zgr0826
Ummm, like, can you you just, like, not be so problematic and stuff? Like, uuuuuuuUUUGGGGGGHHHhhhh. I, like, can't even with this...


No.
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”
Charles Darwin
#25
Quote by Arby911
No.


OHMIGAWD! CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE RIGHT FUCKING NOW YOU OPPRESSIVE PATRIARCHAL CISNORMATIVE SHITLORD! YOU'RE A FUCKING WHITE MALE!

shitposting sure is fun.
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#26
Quote by zgr0826
OHMIGAWD! CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE RIGHT FUCKING NOW YOU OPPRESSIVE PATRIARCHAL CISNORMATIVE SHITLORD! YOU'RE A FUCKING WHITE MALE!

shitposting sure is fun.


Yes I am. Which is why you and all of nature kneels before me!


and yes it is!
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.”
Charles Darwin
#27
I'm, like, so unbelievably triggered right now! This is, like, supposed to be, like, a safe space!
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#28
Bruh...why didn't you just pull over to the side of the road? Do people not do that anymore? Oh wait, I keep forgetting that the U.S is one of those archaic places that will brand you as a sex offender if you do that. Never mind, carry on.
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#29
Quote by RBM01991
Bruh...why didn't you just pull over to the side of the road? Do people not do that anymore? Oh wait, I keep forgetting that the U.S is one of those archaic places that will brand you as a sex offender if you do that. Never mind, carry on.


You hit the nail right on the head, brother! We need to be able to piss wherever we want! A truly free society would be fine with me walking into a store, pulling down my pants, and pissing all over the produce section. In fact, that behavior should be rewarded as it is a sign of individual exceptionalism, and it should be encouraged in order to put the exceptional elite at the top of our society, freed from the leeches and parasites of the dumb, weak, and disabled! Until we can piss wherever our hearts desire, we are not free! If we are confined to bathrooms, we are confining our own potentials for greatness! Break free of the shackles the weak have placed upon you! Piss freely, brothers, and together, let us establish a true utopia!
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#30
Update.
The pain is definitely lightening up. Hopefully it'll be good as gone soon enough. I have learned my lesson and will devote my life to learning to control my pee stream as to avoid this unfortunate incident in the future
#31
Quote by gratefulduck
Update.
The pain is definitely lightening up. Hopefully it'll be good as gone soon enough. I have learned my lesson and will devote my life to learning to control my pee stream as to avoid this unfortunate incident in the future


Google kegels. They are your friend.
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#32
Quote by zgr0826
You hit the nail right on the head, brother! We need to be able to piss wherever we want! A truly free society would be fine with me walking into a store, pulling down my pants, and pissing all over the produce section. In fact, that behavior should be rewarded as it is a sign of individual exceptionalism, and it should be encouraged in order to put the exceptional elite at the top of our society, freed from the leeches and parasites of the dumb, weak, and disabled! Until we can piss wherever our hearts desire, we are not free! If we are confined to bathrooms, we are confining our own potentials for greatness! Break free of the shackles the weak have placed upon you! Piss freely, brothers, and together, let us establish a true utopia!




I see your sarcasm, but seriously though, what happened to going up to a tree and taking a piss discretly?
Gear:
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Ovation CP 247 Acoustic
Line 6 POD HD Pro X
Pro Tools 9

Tutorial: Studio Quality Programmed Drum Sounds
#33
Quote by RylanThePotato
ya got a tongue, don't ya?

He cut it off because he was told to be quiet in the library.
Free Ali
Free Lard
#34
Quote by chrismendiola
He cut it off because he was told to be quiet in the library.

A living Amelia Bedelia, eh?
I like St. Anger. Ridicule me, daddy

Quote by ErikLensherr

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
#35
If your wife knows you're in pain and you have trouble with sex, she'll understand, though you still ought to try. And if you can't, just eat out at the Y
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SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE?!


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#36
Coffee cups? For real? Your wife deserves a trophy cuz I would've left you right then and there.
#38
1. Why didn't you stop the car? I doubt you were paying attention to the road if you were looking at whether your cup was full or not. You should have pulled over.

2. Just go down on your wife instead. It is her birthday after all.
#40
OP you go on like this is a bad thing.

I dont know what kind of sex you usually have but generally you dont pee much during sex. All you've got to worry about is when the hot finish to the wifes face is due. The anticipation of pain alone is worth it. Imagine what new heights this pain could give to your sex life? You may even come to enjoy it over time.
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