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#1
Yesterday, I accidentally crashed with a motorcycle, and it was my fault. The guy is in the hospital, my insurance is paying all the bills, but all the time I'm thinking his family hates me. He wasn't wearing a helmet and he hit his head on the concrete. It's been roughly 30 hours since the incident and apparently he is fine; he can talk, move, and remember without problems, but he is in pain and refuses to eat due to emotional shock. He is not in ICU, and the doctors said they will be treating his swollen brain for the next few days before he can leave the hospital.

I'm comoletely terrified about it, I'm scared that something might go wrong and he will die because of me, I can't sleep well and I barely eat. This is the first time I harm someone on accident and it's a big deal, how can I cope with that? I had to vent this somewhere, I spoke to my friends about it and nothing they said made me feel better. I don't know what to do. It feels horrible and I hope this doesn't happen to any of you
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#2
Speak to a counsellor, they can help you find some inner peace.

If the person is willing after they come out of hospital, maybe try and touch base with them, write them a letter or something, to make it clear how sorry you are.

But yeah, first step, counsellor.
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#3
^ Its only been 30 hours since it happened. I think it's a little soon to be talking therapy. He's just really concerned right now, but it might help if he's still having trouble getting over it.

What matters most here is that through guilt, you've learned your lesson and it didn't (and won't) come at the price of his life, rest assured. I'm sure once he gets his treatment he'll be up and out in no time.

In the meantime, try to think with a clear mind, get some rest and hope for the best.

Edit: ^ Fat Lard deleted his comment.
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Last edited by Joshua Garcia at Oct 3, 2016,
#5
Quote by Joshua Garcia
^ Its only been 30 hours since it happened. I think it's a little soon to be talking therapy. He's just really concerned right now, but it might help if he's still having trouble getting over it.

What matters most here is that through guilt, you've learned your lesson and it didn't (and won't) come at the price of his life, rest assured. I'm sure once he gets his treatment he'll be up and out in no time.

In the meantime, try to think with a clear mind, get some rest and hope for the best.

I'm not talking about full blown "Lie down on the couch and tell me how you feel" therapy, but maybe a phone counsellor can talk to him and give him some techniques to calm down and feel a bit better.
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#6
I'm glad to hear that he's doing well and that you have strong feelings about it. It's fucked up yeah and you gotta do better from here on out but homie wasn't wearing a helmet when he knows the risk so it's not all on you. but yeah don't fuck up anymore

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#7
That's terrible, and maybe you'll be more vigilant from now on, but anyone not wearing a helmet knows what they're risking. Accidents are accidents, but his stupid was a conscious decision. And I say that as a motorcyclist.
#8
Quote by Joshua Garcia
^ Its only been 30 hours since it happened. I think it's a little soon to be talking therapy. He's just really concerned right now, but it might help if he's still having trouble getting over it.

What matters most here is that through guilt, you've learned your lesson and it didn't (and won't) come at the price of his life, rest assured. I'm sure once he gets his treatment he'll be up and out in no time.

In the meantime, try to think with a clear mind, get some rest and hope for the best.

Isn't the best time to get therapy when you need it?
Surely waiting is worse, would you wait a week before getting a broken bone checked out?
It might heal on it's own, it might get worse.
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#9
I was rear ended by an inattentive driver when I was on my motorbike. I was wearing high vis gear on top of my riding gear and crash helmet.

You did not do this on purpose, it was an accident, so beating yourself up about it will solve nothing. Learn from what happened and use it as a hard lesson in paying attention when you drive. Sometimes, life will teach you a lesson the hard way, so you gotta just deal with what life hands to you.

The rider will be fine by your account so take solace that the situation is not worse.

Try and eat, try and get some sleep, hell take a few days off to come to terms with everything that has happened and if you need it go to therapy.

Everything will be fine in the end dude.
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#10
Quote by Gatecrasher53
Isn't the best time to get therapy when you need it?
Surely waiting is worse, would you wait a week before getting a broken bone checked out?
It might heal on it's own, it might get worse.
If you know it's broken then yea you'd fix it. But right now I think he's just a little shocked and panicked because of his uncertainty and how soon it's been. Thoughts are a little messy in a state of mind like that, but if it's just that, then he may not need therapy. Which is why I think it's important he think with a clear mind and get plenty of rest to shake it off so he can decide if he needs that for himself.

Not to counter the idea of getting therapy anyways. If you think you need it, go for it. Or, if you think you have a broken bone, go to the doctor. My point is just try to stay calm.
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Last edited by Joshua Garcia at Oct 3, 2016,
#11
I was honestly expecting the pit to rag on this guy without any mercy. But it's nice to see some compassion come his way.

I can tell from the way you've posted that you're genuinely sorry and scared for this guy. Its very hard to admit fault for something like this and deserve respect for openly accepting responsibility if it really was your fault. Shit happens, even to those who mean no ill intent. You're well on your way to learning from the experience.

But don't beat yourself up over it too hard. You've done the right thing to admit fault for the accident and he did himself no favors by not wearing a helmet. Look to support from your friends and family. Keep yourself informed about the biker's health and show him that you're sorry.
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Last edited by T00DEEPBLUE at Oct 3, 2016,
#12
Quote by Banjocal
Well, if it's any ease on your conscience

>He wasn't wearing a helmet


Was going to say this too
#13
Quote by Joshua Garcia
If you know it's broken then yea you'd fix it. But right now I think he's just a little shocked and panicked because of his uncertainty and how soon it's been. Thoughts are a little messy in a state of mind like that, but if it's just that, then he may not need therapy. Which is why I think it's important he think with a clear mind and get plenty of rest to shake it off so he can decide if he needs that for himself.

Not to counter the idea of getting therapy anyways. If you think you need it, go for it. Or, if you think you have a broken bone, go to the doctor. My point is just try to stay calm.

Talking to a counselor in this case isn't just to get (long-term) therapy though. It could help especially with the shocked and panicked thoughts you would have after a traumatic event. Much better to get on it right away and let someone who knows their stuff tell you what's up, rather than waiting to see whether you develop issues in the long run.
Think of it as preventative care.
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#14
Idk about where you guys live, but where I live there are road trauma counsellors who can give out assistance over the phone,just talk it over with you, and if things get too hairy, they'll tell you to go straight to a hospital if you're in a manic state or anything.

Phone counsellors are gr8 tbh.
Yes I am falling
How much longer
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#15
Quote by Banjocal
Well, if it's any ease on your conscience

>He wasn't wearing a helmet
Yeah, he was clearly asking for it.
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#16
I figured this would be about a sequel album by Thursday.
#17
motorcycle
+no helmet
____________
almost certainly an asshole driver
It was my privilege
#18
When I worked an ambulance we used to call them donorcycles.

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#19
Honestly, by not wearing a helmet he was asking for something like this to happen sooner or later.

If it wasn't you, it would've been someone else tomorrow or next week.

Don't beat yourself up about it, you're not to blame. Should he pull through, hopefully he'll have learned a lesson.
#20
Quote by Svennz
He wasn't wearing a helmet and he hit his head on the concrete.


first off, people get in car crashes every fucking day
nothing to be ashamed about, really, even if it was your fault
shit happens, that's life
i personally have never crashed my car, but i have been a passenger in a few accidents, most memorable being a truck driver crashing my dad's rental car with me in the back seat... both cars were totaled, but luckily nobody was injured.
it's just how it goes. The fact that your insurance is paying it off is a very good thing.


2nd, he wasn't wearing a helmet, so the damage done is partly his fault. The fact that he's still alive should be enough for the family to be happy about. If he was dead or permanent brain damages this would be a very different thread and issue...
#21
Quote by k.lainad
If he was dead or permanent brain damages this would be a very different thread and issue...
I dunno, even in that scenario I'd still say the blame was fundamentally with the other guy and that he was asking for it by not wearing a helmet
#22
I'd say reach out to him, if he is not in ICU and is allowed to have visiters, I'm not saying it will be easy especially if there is family there if you do not think you can see him in person maybe you could give him a call in the hospital.

Letting him know that you are truly sorry and only wish for him to have a speedy recovery could go a long way toward helping both of you heal and get through the mental trauma. Seeking counseling is not a bad Idea either if it is eating you up that bad talking to a professional couldn't hurt.

Don't punish yourself too much accidents happen, find a way to make peace with him and yourself.
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#23
Quote by Mind_Reader7
Yeah, he was clearly asking for it.
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#24
Quote by matt bickerton
I dunno, even in that scenario I'd still say the blame was fundamentally with the other guy and that he was asking for it by not wearing a helmet

Come on, that's ridiculous.

Yes, he's a moron for not wearing a helmet, but that doesn't automatically make him at fault in an accident.
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#25
Quote by Guitardude19
I was rear ended by an inattentive driver when I was on my motorbike. I was wearing high vis gear on top of my riding gear and crash helmet.

You did not do this on purpose, it was an accident, so beating yourself up about it will solve nothing. Learn from what happened and use it as a hard lesson in paying attention when you drive. Sometimes, life will teach you a lesson the hard way, so you gotta just deal with what life hands to you.

The rider will be fine by your account so take solace that the situation is not worse.

Try and eat, try and get some sleep, hell take a few days off to come to terms with everything that has happened and if you need it go to therapy.

Everything will be fine in the end dude.


This is a really nice post.

And honestly if you want to do something about your guilt you could donate to a riders charity and tell the family in a few months.

I wouldn't try talking to him or the family directly. Not only because the insurers won't want you to but because they might have some misdirected anger.
#28
I always see that one webm called helmets are for ********, where the dude gets his face degloved by pavement.


It'll work out, and your guilt will ease with time.

Maybe he'll wear a helmet from now on.
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#29
You say it was your fault... either you were driving like a total dick, recklessly and without care for others (which I doubt is the case since you feel so badly about it), or it was an accident.

You can't force guilt upon yourself for an honest mistake. Particularly as others have said, when the motorcyclist made a conscious decision to not wear a helmet. He is definitely more responsible for his injuries considering that.

Shit happens in this world. People get cancer, people commit suicide, people get killed in road accidents. It's sad, but in my opinion, in most cases you can't really blame anyone.

Human nature is to need answers, or someone to blame. When my uncle got cancer, my aunt was thinking "Why has this happened, what have we done to deserve this?" as if there was a moral reason. I found that ridiculous. People turn to God in these times, because when there aren't logical answers they feel it must be something they've done in their life and they try to repent etc. but in my opinion, shit just happens.

If you do have someone to blame, for example, if you were on your phone whilst driving, then the only reason that blaming someone is reasonable is to make them feel guilty so that they change their behaviour. The only other reason people might blame you is because they want to vent their anger. It's not your fault.

I never drive after I've had a couple of drinks, or use my phone whilst driving, but lots of people do. I think it's not worth the risk of taking someone's life because of my stupidity. Some people learn this lesson after they kill someone.

If you feel it was your fault, take this as a wake up call. Change your behaviour and count it as a lesson learned.

And eat something. Starving yourself isn't going to help anyone.
#30
Quote by ultimate-slash
Come on, that's ridiculous.

Yes, he's a moron for not wearing a helmet, but that doesn't automatically make him at fault in an accident.
It definitely makes him more at fault if something like death happens as a result of said accident.

For one thing, it certainly shouldn't make the OP feel any more guilt because of another person's stupidity.

This is all hypothetical and pointless anyway, as fortunately this hasn't happened.
#31
Quote by matt bickerton
It definitely makes him more at fault if something like death happens as a result of said accident.

For one thing, it certainly shouldn't make the OP feel any more guilt because of another person's stupidity.

This is all hypothetical and pointless anyway, as fortunately this hasn't happened.

I'm just going to stop you right there. Yes, the guy should have taken preventative measures, but we're getting into blaming the victim territory. If you accidentally forget to lock your car and someone steals your stuff, it's still the fault of the thief. Sure, you could have been more responsible and locked your car. But that doesn't change the fact that stealing is illegal. It's a shitty situation, but let's not pretend like the guy was asking to be hit...
#32
Quote by drdoom8793
I'm just going to stop you right there. Yes, the guy should have taken preventative measures, but we're getting into blaming the victim territory. If you accidentally forget to lock your car and someone steals your stuff, it's still the fault of the thief. Sure, you could have been more responsible and locked your car. But that doesn't change the fact that stealing is illegal. It's a shitty situation, but let's not pretend like the guy was asking to be hit...
No one's pretending anything, the second you step onto a motorbike without wearing a helmet, you're asking for trouble. There's no two ways about it.

That's not the same, because a crash is an accident. Theft is a deliberate act.

It wouldn't be the victim's fault he was hit in the first place, no, but it would be their fault if they ended up getting badly hurt, or died, from head related injuries.
#33
Quote by matt bickerton
No one's pretending anything, the second you step onto a motorbike without wearing a helmet, you're asking for trouble. There's no two ways about it.

That's not the same, because a crash is an accident. Theft is a deliberate act.

It wouldn't be the victim's fault he was hit in the first place, no, but it would be their fault if they ended up getting badly hurt, or died, from head related injuries.

Fair enough. To clarify, I'm not saying that riding a motorcycle without a helmet isn't incredibly dumb and irresponsible but I see your point.
#34
Yeah, I'm not trying to say the crash would be their fault, just the extent to which they got injured. As they would've knowingly stepped onto a motorbike without taking all of the recommended (legal?) safety measures.

To link in with the thread though, it's also doubly selfish act. Not only are they putting their own life at risk, if someone does hit them and they end up dying, the person who hit them would have to live with the guilt of killing someone for the rest of their life - when it's their fault for not wearing a helmet in the first place.
#35
I once rear-ended a nursing home vehicle carrying a woman in her 80's and her nurse's assistant...It was a fender bender, but it fucking shook me up for a few months. I get where you're at man, its not an easy thing to go through. You'll be fine eventually. Just remember, look twice man. Whether the guy had a helmet on or not, its for your own personal sanity.
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#36
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#37
He wasn't wearing a helmet and he hit his head on the concrete.


Yeah, stopped reading after that sentence.
Last edited by bubba at Oct 4, 2016,
#38
You owe this not one more second of your own suffering!. A guy pulled out in front of me at 40 mph. Broke 7 bones and swelling on the brain. Judging by the gash on my helmet, I would have been brain dead without it. After 9 days in the hospital you think that guy was worried or tried to contact me. Hell no.

Talk to someone about it, move on, this too shall pass.
#39
Who cares if his family blames you, if he would have ran into a pole his family would most likely blame the pole.
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#40
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I once rear-ended a nursing home vehicle carrying a woman in her 80's and her nurse's assistant...

Savage.
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