New Song Idea, will post a recording when i have a chance to record.


A midi version with fake pianos. theres a section where the pianos freak out and make a weird clack sound. Its not a serious version of the song, so my apathy for the issue stops me from fixing it.


I like the intro except for the drums at around bar 10. The transition to the next part works quite well and I really like the feel of the first verse, I also would have liked the transition to the first chorus, if the chorus would sound different than the intro. The transition you have there at the end of verse 1 would kinda hint that the song is taking the listener somewhere else now, yet you bring them right back to the beginning which felt like a letdown. I do like the twist you give the second verse though in that regard.

I feel the next chorus would have been a lot better if it wasnt the 3rd time that part got played. Basically, by changing the first chorus, youll benefit again here by keeping the riff fresh for longer.

I generally dont like the drum stuff you do at the end of the chorus parts, but that might just be guitar pro. I would also be a bit careful with having too many break in the song where you end on a drum hit and have the some chord ringing over 2 bars, it still felt OK throughout the song but one more of those and it would really have put me off.

I'm not qutie sure how the bridge ties in with the song, it's fine as it is but I just feel like it would have been a great moment to explore a different sound than the rest of the song. I like the solo-ish character of the bridge 2 and pretty much the rest of the song though. As a closing statement, I'd like to mention that I don't that constant quarter notes of crash cymbals sound as awesome as midi would make you believe. For an energetic and fast song it can work out, but you're leaving yourself little room to change the tension of the song, especially for bridges, solos and outros. Basically, if your drums are always at 100%, you cant quite use them to build a climax without them first coming down a bit. The result is that while I listened without looking at the tab, the song was already over before I realized I was listening to the outro, which you'd naturally expext to be climax, or at least a bit different than the rest.

Anyway, I still liked the song even though it's not my kind of genre at all. For a closing statement, me being a bass man I never noticed there was bass in there, imho it can't hurt to give some love to the bass track every now and then.
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Quote by thorbor

it was tough, because chopping the intro in half or something sounded weak to me and if i did that using it as a hook instead of chorus it would've had to much dicking around. thats why i went for breaks over another part all together. as for the drums i agree with too much cymbal, but i got lazy. in the end the drums will be changed by my drummer to something far better. if you want to hear a song with better bass lines, check out my track i4. its still on the main page of this forum, just scroll down. this style is hard to render good bass lines without going into pretentious post rock stuff. it has it's pitfalls as a genre, like any, its supposed to be fast and at full throttle all the time. i think most of the problems you may have with the song come with those issues you'd have with any other song in this genre. even thrice had to go into a progressive direction and eventually leave the style behind due to the lack of dynamics. thanks for the critique. ill keep some of it in mind when the vocals are added this month and such.
Yeah, I never listen to music I dont like (duh) and there's not a whole lot of jazz fusion on this board so I usually have no listening experience or reference when it comes to genres like this one, so always take my crits with a big pinch of salt. I usually just use thing lizzy style rock as my benchmark for rock song structure and that of course might be a bit off.
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