#1
In my old job, I basically worked by myself and had my lunch at my desk, apart from the odd occasion where I'd go grab lunch with a couple of work friends. The quiet moment to myself without having to worry about anything was quite nice, and I've always been someone who values 'me time'

I started my new job about a month ago alongside 4 other people and because i want to make a good impression and get to know people we've all been having lunch together.

Yesterday I was feeling a bit low for reasons that don't really matter so when everyone went to go to lunch I quietly went to the toilet and then when i was done took my lunch to the little garden we have outside the building. Needed to phone the missus anyway but it was a short conversation and I took the chance to eat my lunch in piece after it, until one guy from our group, my least favourite of them, walks up and says "oh i was gonna go to the canteen but then i saw you out here on your own mate"

"Yeah just fancied a quiet moment to myself is all"

"Oh I can imagine that what with your living situation"

He proceeds to sit down and eat his Tesco meal deal and destroy my zen with small talk, so I very quickly make an excuse that I'm going inside to get a drink and then just go back to my desk.

Who's being the dickhead here? Is anyone? Do I have a right to me time at work? Should people be mindful that when a guy has been sociable every day for the last four weeks there might be a reason he chooses to eat by himself? Should I have just been honest and said I didn't want to talk to him, even though he'd done nothing wrong? Are social contracts an outdated concept in the current year?

Aspies and anxiety sufferers report in.
My old signature was too long. Have a daisy.

#2
Your colleague obviously can't take a hint.

The clear hint being "I fancied a quiet moment to myself" should need no further clarification.
Yes I am falling
How much longer
Till I hit the ground?
#3
You clearly stated that you wanted time alone.

They ignored that, and made small talk.

You're fine. Find somewhere more secluded next time. social contracts are bullshit and doublespeak/coded discussion needs to be eradicated, or wholly assimilated.
Last edited by Banjocal at Oct 27, 2016,
#4
Quote by Banjocal
You clearly stated that you wanted time alone.

They ignored that, and made small talk.

You're fine. Find somewhere more secluded next time.

Or just murder your colleague
Yes I am falling
How much longer
Till I hit the ground?
#5
Nah, I wouldn't feel guilty. Some people just need a hint. Hopefully now he'll have gotten it.

As for me, the other 2 (atm. Supposed to be 3) janitors take their breaks at a different time than me and I don't talk to any of the line workers, so break time for me is all me-time.

We all get two, one-hour long breaks and I can make my own me-time even when working (like now) so long as I don't get backed up. Basically, my me-time is ridiculous.
Voted UG User of the Year 2015 & 2016
#6
Quote by RAB11


Who's being the dickhead here?
Is anyone?
Do I have a right to me time at work?
Should people be mindful that when a guy has been sociable every day for the last four weeks there might be a reason he chooses to eat by himself?
Should I have just been honest and said I didn't want to talk to him, even though he'd done nothing wrong?
Are social contracts an outdated concept in the current year?

Aspies and anxiety sufferers report in.


1. He is, but he also isn't.
2. You have a right to me time at work, especially at lunch. I don't like talking to people at lunch because I need me time to recharge.
3. Yes they should be. However also different peoples minds work in different ways. He may have interpreted your sitting alone as thinking that something was wrong and has reacted appropriate eg. to offer a ear to listen with, so yes.
4. Yes you should have, but with tact.
5. No they're not because they can be very useful and it's best to stick to them most of the time to prevent people from thinking you're a weirdo. I've drilled social contract stuff into me now and how I behave around "normal" people is second nature. It's become so ingrained that I have to actually modify the way I behave with this single person I'm talking to (because their mind works in a similar way to me) so I don't adhere to "social contract" type things.

longing rusted furnace daybreak seventeen benign nine homecoming one freight car
#7
sssh lyle they're built around pretense and insincerity join the rest of us weirdos who believe in merit and honesty

join the dark side etc etc
#8
There are no normal people, just weirdos who think normality exists.
My old signature was too long. Have a daisy.

#9
Quote by Banjocal
sssh lyle they're built around pretense and insincerity join the rest of us weirdos who believe in merit and honesty

join the dark side etc etc


I hate them but you gotta play the game if you want to win

It's actually so scary how into the "social contract" I am even online. When someone says they're hanging out with someone or doing something I will just be like "Okay talk later then" because most people when they're busy won't want to chat to you. Current gril I am talking to absolutely despises that tho she says she wants to talk to me all the time even if she's busy or out and it's scary because that's how I used to be all the time! I have been socially conditioned to not act like myself and I have to actively make an effort to get myself out of those behaviours.

longing rusted furnace daybreak seventeen benign nine homecoming one freight car
#10
The worst is - and I know that for people in business this may seem far fetched but bear with me - art galleries. They function almost solely as networking sites and if you want to look at the pictures it's impossible. Some fuckhead standing in front of a beautiful painting talking about some trollop he's tupping to some other ARGH

the business cards are cute though
#11
I wouldn't say anyone's being a dickhead per se, he just unfortunately didn't get the hint that you wanted to still be alone. He probably thought he was being nice and doing you a favour by giving you some company.

Equally though, I'm like you. If anything more often than not I'll avoid lunch with other people, so you definitely needn't feel like a 'dickhead' for being like that. I think you did well enough eating with them for the first few weeks as it is. Even if I start a new job I don't really care, I speak to you people all day long, I need an hour to myself thanks very much.
#12
Quote by matt bickerton
I wouldn't say anyone's being a dickhead per se, he just unfortunately didn't get the hint that you wanted to still be alone. He probably thought he was being nice and doing you a favour by giving you some company.

Equally though, I'm like you. If anything more often than not I'll avoid lunch with other people, so you definitely needn't feel like a 'dickhead' for being like that. I think you did well enough eating with them for the first few weeks as it is. Even if I start a new job I don't really care, I speak to you people all day long, I need an hour to myself thanks very much.


Yeah i agree he probably wasn't doing it to annoy me, just acting how he would expect someone to act if it was him and didn't read the situation right.
My old signature was too long. Have a daisy.

#13
I'm sure he meant well. No one was being a dick really.

I hate sitting alone on breaks at work though.
The plan was to drink until the pain over.
But what's worse, the pain or the hangover?
Who am I? I'm a titan so be expectin' a clash.
#14
Why say anything? Just get up and walk away when the guy sits down.

Fart on his lunch tray as you exit the area....
#15
Next time he does it just be really obvious and like "Yeah, MOMENTS TO YOURSELF are really the best".

If he doesn't get the hint, I'm afraid you're probably working with Blode
Yes I am falling
How much longer
Till I hit the ground?
#16
Quote by i_lovemetallica
Next time he does it just be really obvious and like "Yeah, MOMENTS TO YOURSELF are really the best".

If he doesn't get the hint, I'm afraid you're probably working with Blode
just to be sure, say "so... about bins..."
#17
I actually feel like saying "I really enjoy wanking into a bin, do you?" to an annoying colleague would be a great way to guarantee some quiet time.
Yes I am falling
How much longer
Till I hit the ground?
#19
I go out of my way to eat lunch on my own. I despise small talk. No one can take a hint and leave me alone. I also hate after work drinks and Christmas parties. I just go home or stay home. Work is work and I don't want to mix with people whom I work with, outside work. I just have no interest in any of it.

Most people are feigning interest anyway. We all know it, so why pretend to care? My boss thinks I am anti-social, but I'm not. I just don't want to play the game. I'm happy as I am and where I am. Just let me do my job and we can all be happy.
Sat in a lab, curing diseases. They actually LET me play with chemicals!
#20
One thing I hate, is that if you stay to eat lunch at your desk, people will still approach you to ask for help with stuff or ask you to do things.

No. Fuck off. This is my hour, leave me alone and come back at 1pm.
#21
I eat lunch at my desk, but only because I have a separate office right now.

In the past I'd just go to canteen or a cafe and make sure I went at a different time to everyone else.

The previous office I used to work in, we'd have lunch together but often someone would just say "i'm going ___ by myself" and everyone else would be cool with it. Usually, we'd all have lunch in the communal area and I'd just read a book or newspaper if I didn't feel like talking. We were pretty tight group (even went on a holiday together) so no one really got offended though. I guess it depends how chatty the work environment is too and so in turn how much of a break you need from others, in that place we worked quietly so lunch was socialising time. The place where I work now, is very chatty so lunch time I just want some quiet. There is a little kitchen area that people chat and eat in, which I avoid for that reason (also because it has no windows, so it's kinda miserable to spend your break in, imo.)


on a side note, I had a morning presentation to attend at some place across town, with a colleague I don't know at all (and have no interest in getting to know anyway) and it meant we had to spend 45 mins in slightly uncomfortable silence on the train back.

had a similar thing when my current boss left the same time as me so we walked to the station together. I just wanted to go home and chill and had no interest in talking to anyone. I usually wait like 5 minutes if someone leaves before me and they take the same route to avoid the awkward walking together or waiting next to each other.
O.K.

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
~ Bill Watterson


O__o
#22
I am a supervisor and eat lunch at my desk my associates that work in my dept. choose to take their lunch 30 min. later than I do so they are always coming up to my desk and saying "I hate to bother while you are on lunch" which bugs the piss out of me. It's my 30 minutes leave me alone there is nothing you are going to ask that can't wait. They take their lunch and typically leave the premises because they want to have a smoke so they get their 30.

I tell them time and again I'll look into after lunch leve a note and I'll have an answer when you get back from your lunch break, but still they ask.

Blodes indeed!
"A well-wound coil is a well-wound coil regardless if it's wound with professional equipment, or if somebody's great-grandmother winds it to an old French recipe with Napoleon's modified coffee grinder and chops off the wire after a mile with an antique guillotine!"
- Bill Lawrence

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Live my twisted dream
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Time for primal concrete sledge

#23
TIL: Don't try to cheer your colleagues up because they will call you a dick on a forum.
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#24
I shouldn't have bothered quitting smoking because Banjocal posts give me cancer anyway.
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#25
Quote by ErikLensherr
I shouldn't have bothered quitting smoking because Banjocal posts give me cancer anyway.

Such a nasty mod.
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#26
Maybe try saying you fancy a moment to yourself present tense. It may seem pedantic, but maybe that's where the confusion was.
#27
do what i'd do and either eat in your car or find a better hiding place around your job.

i used to spend my lunch breaks in other nearby stores just to avoid people. after dealing with my last boss, when i even had enough hours to take one, asshole boss would be keeping her own time on how long i was gone and would bother everyone in the break room, so the break room became the worst place to eat lunch.

or you'd have to listen to this one old idiot complain about Obama and refer to himself as "upper poor" when he used to work for a bank in NYC and could afford to buy new cars for each of his 5 kids.
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#28
Somebody is "upper salty"
Quote by Axelfox
my mom and i went to a furry con and on the second day she said she didn't come and pay money to go see dumb shit.


Quote by JustRooster
I incurred the wrath of the Association of White Knights. Specifically the Parent's Basement branch of service.
#29
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
Somebody is "upper salty"
supersalt
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#30
when I finally got something to eat today, some annoying guy from another dept busts into my office to make small talk, nothing even work related.

my office door is closed, I'm clearly eating and I don't have it in me to be rude enough to tell him to piss off.

usually I get left alone but some people see you being at your desk as being open for work discussions, even if you're clearly eating lunch. it's convenient eating in my office but it means I don't always get to have a true break. I make it up by goofing about on UG or something during "work" time though.
O.K.

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
~ Bill Watterson


O__o
#31
"Im a pussy that cant say go away so im gonna be passively agreesively mad at a guy that doesnt know better and was trying to be friendly"
Quote by Axelfox
my mom and i went to a furry con and on the second day she said she didn't come and pay money to go see dumb shit.


Quote by JustRooster
I incurred the wrath of the Association of White Knights. Specifically the Parent's Basement branch of service.
#32
I usually fish on my lunch break yall should try it
Wise man once said, " If you ever get lost in the woods, just start jacking off someone will see you."