#1
No this isn't another thread about Lylecore bands.

Is emotional cheating a concept that exists do you? What crosses the line as emotional cheating? If you broke up with someone over emotional cheating how would you explain it to others?

Physical cheating is something that I can fairly easily quantify because you can set boundaries. I find emotional cheating a really nebulous term so would like explanations for what you would consider it to be, personally.
#3
Quote by EndTheRapture51
No this isn't another thread about Lylecore bands.

Is emotional cheating a concept that exists do you? What crosses the line as emotional cheating? If you broke up with someone over emotional cheating how would you explain it to others?

Physical cheating is something that I can fairly easily quantify because you can set boundaries. I find emotional cheating a really nebulous term so would like explanations for what you would consider it to be, personally.
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#4
leave it to a euro to want to define a thought crime
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#5
Quote by soundgarden1986
Emotional cheating is when I play mgs2 but am thingken about mgsv


what about when you play mgs3
#6
It's a thing but it's a personal definition between those in the relationship, rather than something universal like physical cheating. Easy to say physical cheating is having sex with someone else.

it's down to the "cheater" and their partner to decide whether the emotional support they get from a friend is something they should only getting from their partner. I suppose easiest way to tell is if the "cheater" is comfortable with their partner knowing about what they are getting from someone emotionally.

if I broke up with someone over it, it would simply be me saying that I wasn't comfortable with them getting that interaction from someone else (which is borderline possessive anyway) and I could only see myself breaking up with someone over such a thing if I had already spoken to them about it a bunch of times, since there isn't really an assumed "no go" element like actual physical cheating (which can be happily ditched if everyone in the relationship has stated they are okay with poly or other variations of open relationships)


edit: idk if you were talking about fantasy/imagination stuff too, but that doesn't really count as cheating imo. fuck who you want in your imagination.
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#7
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edit: idk if you were talking about fantasy/imagination stuff too, but that doesn't really count as cheating imo. fuck who you want in your imagination.


nah that's cool it's got to be between two people

apparently:

The term often describes a bond between two people that mimics the closeness and emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship while never being physically consummated. An emotional affair is sometimes referred to as an affair of the heart. An emotional affair may emerge from a friendship, and progress toward greater levels of personal intimacy and attachment. What distinguishes an emotional affair from a friendship is the assumption of emotional roles between the two participants that mimic of those of an actual relationship - with regards to confiding personal information and turning to the other person during moments of vulnerability or need.
#8
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leave it to a euro to want to define a thought crime
Yea, we're late to the game on that one

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#9
Emotional cheating sounds like you're a donut m8

It really comes down to how the parties involved quantify the effects of thought on the real world. Does my thought in-and-of itself, regardless of physical action attached to it, mean jack shit outside of my own head? Usually it's a case of 'who cares, move on'.
It get's a bit messy when it comes down to basic contention such as 'I thought about your sister while I was doing you up the bum' cuz it is not clear to either party what that really represents. Is it purely based on a spur of the moment instinct to find something nearly-equitable to what you're currently doing? Is it the result of a long journey over years of 'blimey, her sisters arse' repeated forever in the back of the mind?
At that point, it'd be dishonest to yourself and whoever's involved to shy away from talking about this thought.
Is it 'cheating' though?
No, not unless imagining scenarios in your own mind, voluntarily or involuntarily, as a concept is a form of 'cheating reality' itself. The two charges might as well being the same at that point.

Pretend to be king for a day in your own head and you'll be arrested in real life = Think about someone else during sex with someone you love in your own head then have that relationship break up in real life.

Gladly, no normal person should have to live by those rules. The power of free thought and self-autonomy, as it were.
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#10
Quote by EndTheRapture51
No this isn't another thread about Lylecore bands


Damn, I was really in the mood for a lylecore thread today

Quote by EndTheRapture51
what about when you play mgs3


Every single one of us would "emotionally cheat" on MGSV for a MGS3 remaster for next gen consoles lol
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#11
Tried to post earlier, but the forums were acting screwy, let's try again.

I'm thinking "emotional cheating" would be where one of the people in a relationship is getting really lovey dovey and the kind of emotional support that you would expect them to get from their significant other, but with someone else, and in a way that their actual significant other isn't ok with. I could see this turning into a problem and resulting in a breakup.

The specifics will depend entirely on the involved parties. A basic example of what I'm thinking would be like in a normal straight relationship but where the GF is always overly friendly with a particular male friend, they call each other sweetheart, baby, etc. The male friend is the person she always wants to talk to first when she's upset or excited about something, while the actual BF finds out later, if at all. The ways you would expect her to act with a boyfriend, except no sex and she has an actual boyfriend that's not and/or wouldn't be ok with it. Doesn't have to be a "normal" straight relationship, just the easiest way for me to explain what I'm thinking.
#12
There are no cultural rules on what can be considered "emotional cheating", so both parties need to talk about it and set their own rules specifically. Ideally, both would talk to each other about their feelings towards other friends/people. If one of them gets a very close relationship with a friend which his SO finds uncomfortable, then they can figure out what to do then. If they agree to not escalate that relationship (in emotional terms) but that person does indeed do so, then it'd be understandable if the SO would get angry and disconcerted about it.

When the term usually applies is when one party finds out that the SO has a very close relationship with someone else they never knew about, and all the feelings come rushing in making it feel like cheating. In the same exact scenario, had they instead talked about it for a long time while that other relationship was growing, I don't think either party would have considered it "cheating" since there wouldn't have been a big sudden emotional impact.
Last edited by gonzaw at Dec 1, 2016,
#13
Remember when ICQ came out and people started cyber sexing each other and it made great Donohue/Geraldo television for emotional cheating. Ugh...
#14
I think if I'm emotionally cheating, it is time for me to dump my GF. How to define whats emotional cheating is another issue but I guess its just something you "feel".
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#15
Quote by EndTheRapture51
what about when you play mgs3


i dont


nah but legit tho if i got to the point where i felt like i was "emotionally cheating" id probs just end the relationship. thinking someone is more attractive or w/e but nothing more is one thing but if i actively developed feelings that were stronger than those for whoever i was seeing then it would only end up being a huge problem for everyone

tfw this exact situation happened with the person you were dating for 3 and a half years :3
#16
I don't know if this counts, but every time I hear someone refer to a co-worker as their "work wife" I think they're being sort of a dipshit.
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#17
One must be very careful to control their thoughts. a thought forms a demon that goes and does that thing in the spirit world in a very real way. I read that in a book.
#18
This does not sound like a thing

like
from a friendship is the assumption of emotional roles between the two participants that mimic of those of an actual relationship - with regards to confiding personal information and turning to the other person during moments of vulnerability or need.
calling this "cheating" sounds more like a mix of controllingness (that's a word now) and possessiveness to me.

Is this literally "giving a major fuck about other people and trusting them to great degrees" or is it "being in non-platonic love with someone else but not consummating it"? I'm not saying that a term so nebulous that this is not established is meaningless, but it's almost descriptively worthless.

If i were in such a situation I would analyse why such an emotional bond were formed between others and not myself and my SO, and act according to any conclusions. Generally speaking I don't think that this is a "emotional cheating" thing but a matter of distance between two people that causes further distance.
Last edited by Banjocal at Dec 1, 2016,
#19
Quote by EndTheRapture51
No this isn't another thread about Lylecore bands.

Is emotional cheating a concept that exists do you? What crosses the line as emotional cheating? If you broke up with someone over emotional cheating how would you explain it to others?

Physical cheating is something that I can fairly easily quantify because you can set boundaries. I find emotional cheating a really nebulous term so would like explanations for what you would consider it to be, personally.


Yah I think emotional cheating is a thing. When you've been with someone for 9 years, the thought of them having strong emotional feelings for another man is pretty worrying to me.
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#20
imo emotional cheating will lead to physical cheating. So I'd talk to my SO if I noticed that behavior and see what's up. If there's an issue with the relationship, try to sort it out or call it quits.

I was first emotionally cheated on then she slept with him. It sucked the whole time.
#21
I am in an emotional relationship with several people
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#22
I think the only real issue is if they were relying upon this other person for emotional support, that for some reason they weren't getting it from their current partner.

I don't think that's cheating, just that the bf/gf relationship isn't very great. Most likely ends if with the girl dumping the guy, then hooking up with a third party.

So let's say there was some girl with a douche boyfriend, she's always coming to you and confiding. You start really liking her and you spend heaps of time togethrr. Then she bangs some other random guy.

So did that girl cheat on her bf with you?
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#23
Emotional cheating sounds like the kind of justification a crazy possessive jealous boyfriend/girlfriend would use to tell you that you can't see your friends anymore.
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#24
Quote by necrosis1193
Emotional cheating sounds like the kind of justification a crazy possessive jealous boyfriend/girlfriend would use to tell you that you can't see your friends anymore.


Probably, but it's hella real too MUST NOT DISCUSS SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS ON UG

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#25
if your bf/gf is always bringing up someone else's name and always laughing at everything they say......... leave them. that's free advice
#26
I'm mostly a lurker, and I think I might be the oldest person on this thread, so I debated about posting this, but here goes:

When you are in a relationship with someone you need to decide between the two of you what constitutes cheating and what doesn't. Even physical cheating isn't all that cut and dry. For some people only sex is cheating. For some any touching (sexual) or kissing is cheating. These terms don't have an actual definition, and that's okay. Couples must decide what is acceptable between them (some even have completely open relationships).

My husband and I agree that all sexual touching is cheating. I have no problem with him going to a strip club, but I don't want him to touch the strippers (which is allowed at one in the next state over). His friend that he typically goes with is married to a woman who doesn't mind if he touches them. In our view, only actual physical acts are "cheating" but that doesn't make other behaviors okay. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what an act is called, but if your partner knows that you are not okay with it and does it anyway, they are not respecting you, assuming that your expectations are reasonable. And if they cannot agree to your expectations (and vice versa), then they SHOULD end the relationship and find someone who has beliefs more in line with their own.

This is purely opinion, but I think that emotional affairs are a bigger issue in LONG term relationships and marriages. The term generally refers to depending on another person emotionally for fulfillment that you would typically receive from your significant other. But then, aren't platonic friendships usually based on this (even friends of the same gender)? I think it is a bigger issue if the person having the "emotional affair" is hiding it from their significant other. With that said, I have seen SOME emotional affairs that actually HELPED a marriage. It is complicated, but I think having that person to lean on during a REAL rough spot provided the support the person needed at that time to get through that rough patch, and remember why they loved the person they were with. But that is in marriages of a decade or more. In the examples I have seen, emotional cheating does not necessarily lead to a physical affair, because many of the people having emotional affairs are doing so because they DON'T want to cheat physically. But honestly, if you are already having these types of problems in a "new-ish" relationship (though I obviously haven't actually seen it), it probably isn't meant to be.
#28
Quote by necrosis1193
Emotional cheating sounds like the kind of justification a crazy possessive jealous boyfriend/girlfriend would use to tell you that you can't see your friends anymore.
Its real and probably a sign that your relationship is going to end. How you resolve the obvious lacking in your relationship depends on the people involved. Could be a wake-up call and something that brings people together or you may just realize it's a dead-end and you should pursue the other person.


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#29
As some people have been saying, what constitutes cheating in general is usually established by the couple from the beginning of the relationship. If it's not balanced, it's one of the first signs that there are different levels of trust and expectations from the relationship, and that's way more problematic than it appears at first, making that relationship quite difficult to maintain on a long term.

I have to say, though, that emotional cheating is usually a product of lack of confidence in oneself, and, more importantly, of trust in your partner. If you don't trust your partner, or if you start to feel doubts about it and don't discuss it in order to solve them, it's something that's set to doom the relationship, imo.
#31
It's a difficult thing to quantify as I think there can be a fine line between good old fashioned fantasy and what you may dub true emotional cheating, e.g. that you're a bit in love with a person.

I recently split with my wife (May time) and although we never discussed the idea of emotional cheating etc, it was definitely a factor in the breakup. We were each individually fantasizing about different friends and colleagues to such an extent that its clear now that we were never really in love at all. How could we be if all we thought about is how much better off we'd be in a relationship with other people?

If its just a sex thing then I guess you can probably just write it off as fantasy. Sometimes you've got to step back and do a bit of self-assessment though, as hard as it can be!
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#32
Quote by rich.bendall
It's a difficult thing to quantify as I think there can be a fine line between good old fashioned fantasy and what you may dub true emotional cheating, e.g. that you're a bit in love with a person.

I recently split with my wife (May time) and although we never discussed the idea of emotional cheating etc, it was definitely a factor in the breakup. We were each individually fantasizing about different friends and colleagues to such an extent that its clear now that we were never really in love at all. How could we be if all we thought about is how much better off we'd be in a relationship with other people?

If its just a sex thing then I guess you can probably just write it off as fantasy. Sometimes you've got to step back and do a bit of self-assessment though, as hard as it can be!


From my point of view it isn't fantasising at all. I think you got definite problems if you are thinking of someone else regularly during sex, but it's not a deal breaker.

From my understanding it was something like someone else being used as emotional support in place of you, acting like a surrogate or replacement boyfriend or girlfriend. Something way more so than a normal platonic friendship but kind of straying into some sort of emotional depth or dependency lying more on the romantic side than the platonic side. Maybe commitments of physical contact, but not straying far into sexual talk at all.
#33
Quote by EchoGSD
I'm mostly a lurker, and I think I might be the oldest person on this thread, so I debated about posting this, but here goes:

When you are in a relationship with someone you need to decide between the two of you what constitutes cheating and what doesn't. Even physical cheating isn't all that cut and dry. For some people only sex is cheating. For some any touching (sexual) or kissing is cheating. These terms don't have an actual definition, and that's okay. Couples must decide what is acceptable between them (some even have completely open relationships).

My husband and I agree that all sexual touching is cheating. I have no problem with him going to a strip club, but I don't want him to touch the strippers (which is allowed at one in the next state over). His friend that he typically goes with is married to a woman who doesn't mind if he touches them. In our view, only actual physical acts are "cheating" but that doesn't make other behaviors okay. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what an act is called, but if your partner knows that you are not okay with it and does it anyway, they are not respecting you, assuming that your expectations are reasonable. And if they cannot agree to your expectations (and vice versa), then they SHOULD end the relationship and find someone who has beliefs more in line with their own.

This is purely opinion, but I think that emotional affairs are a bigger issue in LONG term relationships and marriages. The term generally refers to depending on another person emotionally for fulfillment that you would typically receive from your significant other. But then, aren't platonic friendships usually based on this (even friends of the same gender)? I think it is a bigger issue if the person having the "emotional affair" is hiding it from their significant other. With that said, I have seen SOME emotional affairs that actually HELPED a marriage. It is complicated, but I think having that person to lean on during a REAL rough spot provided the support the person needed at that time to get through that rough patch, and remember why they loved the person they were with. But that is in marriages of a decade or more. In the examples I have seen, emotional cheating does not necessarily lead to a physical affair, because many of the people having emotional affairs are doing so because they DON'T want to cheat physically. But honestly, if you are already having these types of problems in a "new-ish" relationship (though I obviously haven't actually seen it), it probably isn't meant to be.


Very insightful. Welcome to UG!

I had friends that were a couple the male was a close friend since childhood and his girl and I connected because of some similar life experiences and became somewhat close friends things were fine between all of us most of the time but it got weird on occasion which I'll address later.

I used to be the soundman for my brother's band and the girl liked to come to our gigs while her boyfreind/my best friend worked at night on weekends. She also like to flirt and dance with men at the gigs which would piss me off because I felt it was wrong of her to be doing that to begin with and I also knew that while my friend didn't mind her going to the gigs he most definately would mind her dancing with guys and letting them flirt and buy her drinks even if, as she claimed, it was all innocent. She liked to dance and my friend didn't she had actually asked him if she could dance with guys and he made it clear that he was not OK with that.. I also was mad because I felt this put me in a bad position as I felt if my friend were to ever walk into the bar and see her dancing with a stranger he would be mad at me as well as her.

While things were good most of the time between the three of us at times I could tell he envied how close she was to be and how easily she could confide in me and lean on me for emotional support, there were times he actually thought we had something more going on. I confronted her about the whole dancing/flirting behaviour and she got mad saying it's not like I'm going to sleep with them and I told her the guys sure you might and so does the whole bar and if your old man walks in he is going to think that too and he is going to think that I condone and am enabling for you since I never told him it will look like I am covering for you.

I was iin a tight spot and felt that if I did tell him he might take it the wrong way because he was already suspicious because of how close she and I were. I told her she needed to stop or go somewhere else and not do it in front of me and stop putting me in that position.

She admitted that he had on several occasions accused her of having more than a platanic relationship with me and that he was envious of how she seemed to be closer to me emotionally than to him.
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Last edited by Evilnine at Dec 2, 2016,
#34
Quote by EndTheRapture51
From my point of view it isn't fantasising at all. I think you got definite problems if you are thinking of someone else regularly during sex, but it's not a deal breaker.

From my understanding it was something like someone else being used as emotional support in place of you, acting like a surrogate or replacement boyfriend or girlfriend. Something way more so than a normal platonic friendship but kind of straying into some sort of emotional depth or dependency lying more on the romantic side than the platonic side. Maybe commitments of physical contact, but not straying far into sexual talk at all.


I think your right there more or less. That emotional replacement is key.
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#35
Emotional cheating is just one of those terms where the line drawn is based on the person's comfort. My ex left me for another person because she was suspecting I was cheating and if I wasn't, then I was emotionally cheating on her for coworkers because I didn't act the way around her like I did when I was with them. To be honest, the concept of emotional cheating is a bit ridiculous. Yeah you can spend more of your emotional attention to other people other than your significant other and call it cheating but then there's more lines that need to be drawn as to what emotions they are giving as far as attention goes.

Can of worms pretty much folks.
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#36
Quote by SpanishYanez
Emotional cheating is just one of those terms where the line drawn is based on the person's comfort. My ex left me for another person because she was suspecting I was cheating and if I wasn't, then I was emotionally cheating on her for coworkers because I didn't act the way around her like I did when I was with them. To be honest, the concept of emotional cheating is a bit ridiculous. Yeah you can spend more of your emotional attention to other people other than your significant other and call it cheating but then there's more lines that need to be drawn as to what emotions they are giving as far as attention goes.

Can of worms pretty much folks.

Yeah, but did you have emotional sex with them? P.s. emotional sex isn't really sex it's just having a lot of emotions with someone you're not dating