#1
Wrote this one out of the blue, added to it over the last 2 days and somehow it's one of my best pieces. I want to know what you guys think cuz it's never bad to have another set of ears.

Influences are like... a lot.
Attachments:
Can You Feel It.gp5
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#2
that 9-11-0-0 chord in bar 9 sounds dissonant in a bad way. i mean, not that chord itself, but it + the chord in the other guitar. everything else so far is fucking amazing though. bar 5 is seriously a sick riff. also, bars 3-4 remind me of... me lmao.

62 was a nice change-up, but by 73 i'm hoping for a little more variation and... excitement maybe? after this point, it seems like you're repeating riffs just for the sake of repeating them. I think I had the same problem with the other song you posted, that it seemed like just riff after riff without really a "point" in the end, if that makes sense? for instance, is it necessary to use that riff at 89 at that point? i don't fuckin know. I mean, I know it followed the same structure earlier (riff A into riff B into riff C [44>53>62]), and you wanted to use that pattern again to go into the solo at 108, maybe so it didn't feel out of place or something? But it seems like overkill, to use those parts basically exactly the same way again. Maybe you could throw variations into the riff at 96, like palm muted tremolo picking stuff, just so it has its own dynamic and doesn't sound like a rehash.

The solo itself is pretty cool.

ahhahhh 136 is so awesome.

I don't have much to say about the rest. once again i felt the ending kind of came out of nowhere. idk man your songs are weird. maybe i'd need to hear it with vocals to fully appreciate the structure, but right now, although all the riffs are good i feel like... something is missing, a sense of progression, like a sense that something has happened. some of your old stuff didn't really have this problem as far as i recall. i just relistened to sexytechplus for reference, i think that song is really well laid out compared to this.
#3
Quote by RedDeath9
that 9-11-0-0 chord in bar 9 sounds dissonant in a bad way. i mean, not that chord itself, but it + the chord in the other guitar.


das da point :0 build up a microsecond of uncomfortable feeling then release immediately

everything else so far is fucking amazing though.


yey

bar 5 is seriously a sick riff. also, bars 3-4 remind me of... me lmao.


I didn't notice at first but I went through some of your songs and it does sound a little like the intro to fleeting moment for some reason. UR JUS VERY SUBTLE

62 was a nice change-up, but by 73 i'm hoping for a little more variation and... excitement maybe? after this point, it seems like you're repeating riffs just for the sake of repeating them. I think I had the same problem with the other song you posted, that it seemed like just riff after riff without really a "point" in the end, if that makes sense? for instance, is it necessary to use that riff at 89 at that point? i don't fuckin know. I mean, I know it followed the same structure earlier (riff A into riff B into riff C [44>53>62]), and you wanted to use that pattern again to go into the solo at 108, maybe so it didn't feel out of place or something? But it seems like overkill, to use those parts basically exactly the same way again. Maybe you could throw variations into the riff at 96, like palm muted tremolo picking stuff, just so it has its own dynamic and doesn't sound like a rehash.


It's mostly because the weighty bits of the production aren't included and also there's meant to be a lot of room for vocals. Following a more normal verse-chorus-verse-chorus concept helped me with that. For reference, 53 and its variations are meant to be the chorus.

The solo itself is pretty cool.


I'm just happy that it's feasible to play tbh, rofl.

ahhahhh 136 is so awesome.


Does it tickle your pickle?

I don't have much to say about the rest. once again i felt the ending kind of came out of nowhere. idk man your songs are weird. maybe i'd need to hear it with vocals to fully appreciate the structure, but right now, although all the riffs are good i feel like... something is missing, a sense of progression, like a sense that something has happened. some of your old stuff didn't really have this problem as far as i recall. i just relistened to sexytechplus for reference, i think that song is really well laid out compared to this.


I thought about it but then went over my older stuff and most of it just feels like cop outs that I slapped together. That being said, I'm not quite happy with the actual ending to the song itself.

So what I've done is spruce it up a bit.
Attachments:
Can You Feel It Alternate.gp5
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#4
It's like a constant barrage of key changes thrown at me so I'm basically just trying to wrap my head around this. Apart from Contortionist/Last Chance to Reason this isn't really what I'm usually listening to lol, and this is probably still more out there than those bands.

That 91100 chord is kinda sour as previously stated.
Actually kinda surprised that 53 is the chorus because it feels very transition-y. Personally I would have pinned 62 as the chorus. I really like 62. I want more of 62.

I like making the clean part distorted, variations and yaddayadda but I'm not sure how I feel about ending it on that riff. Doesn't really feel like closure. I really don't know how to end songs either though, I probably would have ended it in a fade-out and that's usually a copout, for me at least.
Last edited by CheesyMozarella at Feb 25, 2017,
#5
I like this piece quite a bit, the combination of very jazzy melody and chord structure with heavy djenty riffs always entices me. The suggestion I would make is that using very big chords across two distorted guitars can feel a bit muddy and makes it harder to discern the harmony imo. I played around a bit on the file and I actually think changing Track 1 to a clean tone (such as jazz guitar), building that track around the big chords, arpeggios and treble and building track 2 around the lower string chugs makes for a nicer balance.

Clean bit starting at 132 has awesome harmony, love it. The little whammy vibratos too.