#1
I am a reptile with erectile disfunction
Whole life is a conjunction as I tile the floor
With the skin of the bass player's belly
I tuck her into bed but I can't tuck away the dread
That lies on the floor where her teddy bear was torn
The black haired guitarist would slap a strap
Against anyone wishing to foil wrap
Her dreams in a compact format
Save it for later, microwave dinner

Picking at the brain hoping to drain
The stream of thoughts, purify it
For spring water for natural mineral water
Let it all ring out, slap the wet towel

The bass player her belly on the tiles
Hates the reflected image from the shower head
Hates how twisted she gets instead
Of the beauty she wishes she could see

Life like plasticine could mold out this scene
Cleans her ears with q-tips and shoves them in her eyes
So she can see the image others speak of her
Forks out my eyes and wipes her mouth with them
So she can say the beautiful words I see in her

Freezes herself and dreams of life in a pile of excrement
Gives the cold shoulder so hard it turns to a bolder
To trap the bad feelings where they belong
Dreams of being admired and actually agreeing

The bass player's belly slides across the floor
Her skin shed so thick it tiles the floor
Whole life is a conjunction and I am the function
I am a reptile with erectile disfunction
Last edited by PoptartHero at Feb 7, 2017,
#2
Pretty wordy, lacks punctuation. Any great sauce requires you to reduce the ingredients down to the strongest tastes. Cut the fluff and work on format and you have some good themes here.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#3
Ha ha, my whole way of writing is like this ya. I just wrote it in a non stop stream without erasing or editing. Usually if I turn my lyrics into songs I cut them down so I give myself a lot to pick from. There is a lot of unnecessary bits here yes, thanks for commenting!
#4
Definitely, you should post a revised version of this, I'd love to see it. TS Eliot's the Wasteland was twice its length before editing.
OBEY THE MIGHTY SHITKICKER
#5
I'd like to see the revised version as well if you feel like posting

There's lots of cool images and word associations here

I know I'm more motivated if I think people will see what I've written. (All that fame and glory you know)
Last edited by Duaneclapdrix at Feb 16, 2017,