Hey guys, here's a song I made last night. I'd appreciate a lot if you could take a few minutes and tell me what you do or don't like about it. I'll be glad to do the same in return to your tab of choosing.

transition at 24's a bit eh, maybe cut off the note because the drums aren't doing anything either, or maybe add a extended fill or smth. or extending the holdout on that chord for a couple more beats might work as well. although i do like the how you transition from the F octave to the D# F combination, it's has an interesting sound to it.

also on the 3rd bar and last note of the 2nd bar of the chorus where it syncopates, maybe add some drum fill or use the kick/cymbals to play with the syncopation that's going on. i find hihats to be the easiest to do this with since you can tightly control dynamics/cutoff points but you could do it however you please. for the most part, the kick is following the drone notes, which is good as is, but maybe you could add a few in between here and there to define/play with the syncopation once again and make it stand out.

i feel like the mid portion of the song could use some 32nd note double kicks to bring out the punky vibe instead of keep it solely kick/snare/kick/snare. something like kickkick/snare/kick/snare/kickkick/snare/kick/snare would make it move a little bit more, and make the transition to the next part where the cymbals are playing a 6/8 feel more apparent and distinctive.

bring the verse riff back into the mosh part is nice. though i don't dig the transition back to the chorus once again- utilizing the first paragraph of this crit might help out.

i feel like the whole song generally could use a bit more flair. you have some fills here and there which are good; but i'd encourage you to play with the rhythm more as to define the different areas of time signatures and such (once again, you do this at some parts already).
Thanks so much for the insightful and really thought out feedback, I'll totally go through your hints and see how'd they fit in. Regarding the going back to the chorus after the moshy stuff, yeah I agree it's a bit blunt at the moment.

I like it and I like these bits:

bar 22 - 27

103 - 106 is really inventive

75 - 82 has a lot of potential (but isn't quite met with)

The other bits.. I couldn't quite wrap my head around why they were as 'normal' as they were when you had those other parts in. Also the random tech death segment at 95 feels more out of place than a polar bear at an NY jazz club. It's a good segment in the wrong song.

I've got more to add but I'm sleepy and it would mostly be rambling rite now

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