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#1
Let's play chess.

https://en.lichess.org/ (also an iOS/Android app)

Sign up and post your username. I will start a correspondence game with you, meaning you can make a move at your leisure (within 3 days per move)

Prepare to have your ass whooped, or massaged, depending on the outcome.

...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#3
Ever since I got beaten 4 times in 10 minutes by some 9 year old communist Russian kid I realized that anyone challenging other people at chess is probably way better than me.
#4
Quote by UltimateGuizar
Do they have snakes and ladders?
no

...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#5
Quote by Rossenrot
Ever since I got beaten 4 times in 10 minutes by some 9 year old communist Russian kid I realized that anyone challenging other people at chess is probably way better than me.
I can tell you with great certainty that I am not a 9 yo communist Russian kid and am not very good at all. My win record speaks for itself.

...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#7
Quote by Xiaoxi
Let's play chess.

https://en.lichess.org/ (also an iOS/Android app)

Sign up and post your username. I will start a correspondence game with you, meaning you can make a move at your leisure (within 3 days per move)

Prepare to have your ass whooped, or massaged, depending on the outcome.

You could be Magnus Carlsen for all I know. 

Okay, I'm in (but I'm really just here for the ass massage).

Username: Grandmaster_Disaster
“High fly ball into right field. She is… gone!" - Vin Scully
#9
UltimateGuizar Highly complicated strategy game and ruthless metaphor for life, to optimize his military Mao Zedong reportedly insisted his generals study Snakes and Ladders. And Pictionary.
“High fly ball into right field. She is… gone!" - Vin Scully
#10
No way I'm gonna accept a chess challenge from an Asian guy.
#11
Quote by TheChaz
No way I'm gonna accept a chess challenge from an Asian guy.


He can't be that smart, he's a guitar player.
“High fly ball into right field. She is… gone!" - Vin Scully
#12
I fuck love chess even though I'm pretty horrible at it. User name is  rich112
They can't stop us Let 'em try For heavy metal We will die!
#13
do they have gwent
o()o

Quote by JamSessionFreak
yes every night of my entire life i go to bed crying because i wasnt born american
#14
I have a chess tutorial video on YouTube with over 40k views. But I'm not a master or anything. I'll join you though.
Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
There shall be a stop to this madness. The battle is not over. My tasty licks aren't going anywhere.

Quote by The_Blode
^ I've just realised if you say Simple Plan's 2011 effort "Get Your Heart On!" really fast in a Southern American accent, it sounds gross. . .like sexual gross!

Quote by Necroheadbanger
Hello.
I'm looking for professional bongo-ists and triangle-ists to make a Progressive Technical Brutal Death Metal band
(will be called AxOxJxLxAxIxVxXxUxWxZxQxUxRxWxGxJxSxAxLxKxMxNxHxUxGxAxAxWxVxCxBxZxVx)
(Don't even ask what it means)


https://soundcloud.com/95dank



#15
 idkwatimdoing

i've never played chess before 
#16
Quote by kalypto
 idkwatimdoing

i've never played chess before 


The goal is to pretend to want to kill the other guy's king but actually be focused on taking all of his other pieces while he tries not to get his king killed.
Quote by Hal-Sephira

We all have the rights to be mad

So does you
#17
Quote by Victory2134
The goal is to pretend to want to kill the other guy's king but actually be focused on taking all of his other pieces while he tries not to get his king killed.

ok got it kill king but don't kill king 

what about the queen?
#18
i signed up i'm beads

fight me
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
Youre officially uber shit now.

Quote by StewieSwan
3d9310rd is far more upset than i 

Quote by Bladez22
I'm a moron tho apparently and everyone should listen to you oh wise pretentious one
#20
Quote by kalypto
ok got it kill king but don't kill king 

what about the queen?

Always kill the queen if possible, even you have to sacrifice your own queen. I rarely win.

Now here's my super secret chess tech: take control of the 2x2 square in the middle, it's the most important part of the board. From there you can control the whole board and make a fool of your opponent.

Best starting moves: take both your knights and go on a rampage in the opponents side. They'll be begging for mercy after few turns.

This is secret knowledge but I might as well share it: Many say the rooks are end game. That's why you can take your opponent by surprise by bringing them in very early. Sacrificing the useless pawns in front of them is a quick pro strat to get them to the middle of the action asap. Two rooks on the loose it's a massacre in the making.
WHAT A
HORRIBLE
NIGHT TO
HAVE A
CURSE.
Last edited by ElMaco at Apr 27, 2017,
#21
Quote by kalypto
ok got it kill king but don't kill king 


Right. Kill the king indirectly, or directly if they let you.

Quote by kalypto
what about the queen?


I'm kind of with ElMaco with this one, the queen is such a ridiculously dangerous piece that I almost always take the opportunity to trade them off the board. I'm a little less willing to do this as white (90% willing to trade queens) or if I'm black after having gained a tempo over white (maybe 75% willing to trade at that point). I'm even less willing to do it if it means disrupting my pawn structure.

A general rule of thumb is to never trade down, simplify the board when you have an advantage, avoid exchanging when you're at a disadvantage, and always trade queens if it leaves you at an equal or better position. The biggest issue with removing your queen from the board is that it makes it a lot more difficult to set up certain mates. Not having the Bg4 and Qd3(/c2) option can give your opponent a nice comfy safe zone if they're allowed to castle that way.
Quote by Hal-Sephira

We all have the rights to be mad

So does you
#22
Quote by ElMaco
Always kill the queen if possible, even you have to sacrifice your own queen.

Now here's my super secret chess tech: take control of the 2x2 square in the middle, it's the most important part of the board. From there you can control the whole board and make a fool of your opponent.

Best starting moves: take both your knights and go on a rampage in the opponents side. They'll be begging for mercy after few turns.

I rarely win.
#23
I get my arse whooped by the computer chess app on my tablet even in easy mode with hints turned on, as near as I can tell chess is all about how many moves you can think ahead.
#24
Quote by ElMaco
Best starting moves: take both your knights and go on a rampage in the opponents side. They'll be begging for mercy after few turns.


The loli attack

Fried liver is good but I think the lolli is studied less and has an inherent advantage because of it.
Quote by Hal-Sephira

We all have the rights to be mad

So does you
#25
Interesting. I don't know any names of the moves but it's good to know it's an expert tactic.
WHAT A
HORRIBLE
NIGHT TO
HAVE A
CURSE.
#27
Quote by ElMaco
Interesting. I don't know any names of the moves but it's good to know it's an expert tactic.


I have a lot of problems with fried liver even knowing how to 'counter' it. If white doesn't fall for taking the bishop sac he still ends up ahead.
Quote by Hal-Sephira

We all have the rights to be mad

So does you
#28
Quote by K33nbl4d3
i signed up i'm beads

fight me
also does anyone else want to fight me also i'm pretty bad so it could be fun or not
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
Youre officially uber shit now.

Quote by StewieSwan
3d9310rd is far more upset than i 

Quote by Bladez22
I'm a moron tho apparently and everyone should listen to you oh wise pretentious one
#29
Quote by K33nbl4d3
also does anyone else want to fight me also i'm pretty bad so it could be fun or not


I sent you a challenge but I'm also at work so I may have to step away in the middle of it
Quote by Hal-Sephira

We all have the rights to be mad

So does you
#30
Victory2134
more like defeat2134

i thought of that halfway through the game so i had to win so i could say it
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
Youre officially uber shit now.

Quote by StewieSwan
3d9310rd is far more upset than i 

Quote by Bladez22
I'm a moron tho apparently and everyone should listen to you oh wise pretentious one
#31
lost my first match because of a misclick fuuuuuuuuu-
Quote by Hal-Sephira

We all have the rights to be mad

So does you
#32
Quote by k.lainad
I have a chess tutorial video on YouTube with over 40k views. But I'm not a master or anything. I'll join you though.


waitwait, how do you expect us to believe this without posting it?
Quote by ErikLensherr
Did you hear about the cockney Godfather?

He made them an offer they couldn't understand.
#33
Quote by k.lainad
I have a chess tutorial video on YouTube with over 40k views. But I'm not a master or anything. I'll join you though.
i'm probably gonna get my ass wooped.

whats your user?

btw i've sent game requests to everyone who posted their user

...modes and scales are still useless.


Quote by PhoenixGRM
Hey guys could you spare a minute to Vote for my band. Go to the site Search our band Listana with CTRL+F for quick and vote Thank you .
Quote by sam b
Voted for Patron Çıldırdı.

Thanks
Quote by PhoenixGRM
But our Band is Listana
#34
Quote by steve_muse
waitwait, how do you expect us to believe this without posting it?


Its a very old video, the guy teaching is one of my friends, i produced the video, it's on my channel.

Quote by jrcsgtpeppers
There shall be a stop to this madness. The battle is not over. My tasty licks aren't going anywhere.

Quote by The_Blode
^ I've just realised if you say Simple Plan's 2011 effort "Get Your Heart On!" really fast in a Southern American accent, it sounds gross. . .like sexual gross!

Quote by Necroheadbanger
Hello.
I'm looking for professional bongo-ists and triangle-ists to make a Progressive Technical Brutal Death Metal band
(will be called AxOxJxLxAxIxVxXxUxWxZxQxUxRxWxGxJxSxAxLxKxMxNxHxUxGxAxAxWxVxCxBxZxVx)
(Don't even ask what it means)


https://soundcloud.com/95dank



#35
REVENGE!
Quote by Hal-Sephira

We all have the rights to be mad

So does you
#36
Quote by Victory2134
REVENGE!
victory2134 more like victoryin2134turns
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
Youre officially uber shit now.

Quote by StewieSwan
3d9310rd is far more upset than i 

Quote by Bladez22
I'm a moron tho apparently and everyone should listen to you oh wise pretentious one
#37
Quote by K33nbl4d3
victory2134 more like victoryin2134turns


when you play with people who resign when it's clear they're going to lose you quickly forget how to do endgame pawn and king mates.

You also forget how to do 2 rooks and a queen and 3 pawns and king mate. >_>
Quote by Hal-Sephira

We all have the rights to be mad

So does you
#38
K33nbl4d3

btw you thanked me halfway through that last game and I wasn't sure why. What was that about?



was around here
Quote by Hal-Sephira

We all have the rights to be mad

So does you
Last edited by Victory2134 at Apr 27, 2017,
#39
Victory2134
Cause my queen was... right there...

You could've even stopped me taking that pawn after you killed her.
Quote by H4T3BR33D3R
Youre officially uber shit now.

Quote by StewieSwan
3d9310rd is far more upset than i 

Quote by Bladez22
I'm a moron tho apparently and everyone should listen to you oh wise pretentious one
#40
oh yeah

Goes to show how tunnel visioned you can get. I wasn't even worried about your queen at that point. I was just focused on making sure I played the trade on the left correctly and found a way to bring my rook into the game before you brought yours in.

Good games! My lunch break is in about 6 minutes so I'll be on for a bit if anyone is down to play. Username is Victory2134.
Quote by Hal-Sephira

We all have the rights to be mad

So does you
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