#1
Old model, old news
Trade in, trade up
Guilty conscience
Convenient story- made up

New guy, old friend
New lie, cold end
New you, pathetic
Horseshit rhetoric

Ugly heart, same face
Cold heart, disgrace
No heart, distaste
Enjoy last place

It is what it is
Regret is prophetic
It is what it is
And it is pathetic
I enjoy laughing, playing guitar, vaginas and basketball.
Last edited by swiftyclown at May 2, 2017,
#2
Nice. Only one observation: if you could re-work your first quatrain to rhyme ABAB, then you'd have a nice symmetry where quatrains 1&4 are the same rhyme pattern (ABAB) and 2&3 are the same rhyme pattern (AABB). Just a thought.

Anyhow, good stuff.

 
“High fly ball into right field. She is… gone!" - Vin Scully
#3
Quote by Standard_A440
Nice. Only one observation: if you could re-work your first quatrain to rhyme ABAB, then you'd have a nice symmetry where quatrains 1&4 are the same rhyme pattern (ABAB) and 2&3 are the same rhyme pattern (AABB). Just a thought.

Anyhow, good stuff.

 


I hear you! I did try moving the first one around but I'm not very good at writing lol so it didn't work out. I appreciate it!
I enjoy laughing, playing guitar, vaginas and basketball.
#4
I don't think that Pathetic and Rhetoric rhyme in the way that you want it to, but the rest has a good canter to it.