#1
I need to expand on this one day

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Ten layers of paint separate us from Them
When acres turn to amperes
And the keyboard begins to sweat
There's always the threat
That they'll find us and punish us
At least over the internet we're anonymous
#2
I'm not so keen on the last line - I like the language and nature of the first part - it seems too blunt in what you're saying compared to the rest of it. It's a neat idea and, as you say, ripe for expansion.  I really like 'acres to amperes'.
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#3
Quote by Herr Rararr
I'm not so keen on the last line - I like the language and nature of the first part - it seems too blunt in what you're saying compared to the rest of it. It's a neat idea and, as you say, ripe for expansion.  I really like 'acres to amperes'.


Yeah, I've got to be honest, that last line doesn't quite sit right for me either... But I do intend to return to this at some point.

Thanks for the crit, dude!
#4
Brief and with interesting imagery. I almost wish the first couple of lines rhymed like the rest do to give more of a sense of unity. If this is done for effect, eh. Contrary to the other comment, that ending line isn't fatal to the piece. It follows what precedes it naturally, even if it's not the most poetic way of doing so.
I am a fake mountain.