#1
The nails are in my hands
Sacrificial rites
Neighbor verse neighbor
Now I burn alive

The crown's on my head
I hope you realize
No one else wanted this for me
Now I burn alive

My body's in the bread
A spiritual high
All we need's love
And you flush it out with wine

Taste the seasoning
It's treason

Kneeling at the altar
Your actions justified
No, as long as you breathe
You spit in God's eyes
Last edited by bobbydealin at Jun 21, 2017,
#2
There's an okay concept at work here, but it gets muddled in the delivery in this crucifixion/immolation. You could do a bunch with just that last stanza, but the main thing is the lack of compelling information to flesh this out.

Also, you can swear here. It's all good. Fuckity shit-ass hell-damned whatever.
I am a fake mountain.