#1
Updated version: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/redirect/post?p=34728788 

Suffer For Eternity 

 
I saw my kin's defeat 
Pulled below 
An infinite sentence   
Confined with metered pain 
Screaming for release
 
But they 
Suffer for eternity 
The true immurement   
Suffer for eternity
 
The spearhead usurper 
Has a fickle eye for vengeance 
Lusting for control 
From his throne   
And lighting the sky 
With his penchant for reprisal
 
And they will suffer 
The lesser will suffer now 
They will suffer 
Suffer for eternity
 
He snuffs the light in hand 
A childish coward 
For a slight 
Here is malevolence 
Now in control 
And powerless 
This jokes on you
 
I see I'll illuminate 
Their path 
From what your jealous   
Heart stole 
My smile cracks   
And my teeth show
 
So, I can expect pain 
To suffer for eternity 
While light does the same
 
Strap me 
Bind me down 
Chained to this granite 
My flesh torn out 
Daily 
This pain 
Your petty retribution 
Shows your weakness
I will laugh at your legacy of pain 

Now, you can suffer for eternity 
My existence eats away 
Subliminally suffer 
A Pyrrhic victory ...for whom?   

And you will suffer 
The loser will suffer now 
You will suffer 
Suffer for eternity
 
Guitar/Bass:
Schecter: Damien 6/Stilletto Extreme 5, Squier: Bullet HSS*, Washburn RX10*/WG-587, Agile Septor 727
*mods

Amps/FX
Peavey: Vypyr 30/Max 112 (200W), ISP: Decimator

Quote by dannyalcatraz
Understood- I waste money on amps*, too.

justinguitar.com is the answer
Last edited by bjgrifter at Aug 28, 2017,
#2
This is more cerebral... As always, background information would enrich the experience, but let's go with what's written.

The word "suffer" shows up an awful lot. That's my first reaction above all. It's a bit of a distraction, though I can see your intent here. There's just a little too much needless "suffering." That comes across as a terrible pun. I'm not sorry.

My favorite part starts with "He snuffs the light in hand" and ends with "While light does the same." That sticks out the most, perhaps because it mostly avoids the "suffer" problem while moving along the plot.

Other good lines: "I will laugh at your legacy of pain" and "A Pyrrhic victory... for whom?"

It's lacking something that your other pieces have. I'd work on the repetition of "suffer" though. It takes the oomph out of the meaning.
I am a fake mountain.
#3
I used the Greek Titan Prometheus as the focus. 

He's a provocateur--in a subtle way--to Zeus. In research, I got the vibe that Prometheus may have been messing with Zeus as a sort of revenge for sending the Titans to the underworld and/or sympathy to man when Zeus took away fire (depending on the myths). There's not an exact model, so there was a lot of competing legends to piece  together. I got the idea that even though Prometheus ends up chained to a rock, he's gotten under Zeus' skin. In my research, Zeus comes across as less noble that I remember from school.  
Guitar/Bass:
Schecter: Damien 6/Stilletto Extreme 5, Squier: Bullet HSS*, Washburn RX10*/WG-587, Agile Septor 727
*mods

Amps/FX
Peavey: Vypyr 30/Max 112 (200W), ISP: Decimator

Quote by dannyalcatraz
Understood- I waste money on amps*, too.

justinguitar.com is the answer
#4
DanTheHobbit 

Yeah, after letting this sit (again) I didn't weed the out the suffering. It didn't come out overtly strong until you pointed it out. I did pretty well replacing "vengeance", but missed the other part. Oh, well, that's where a thesaurus is my friend.
Guitar/Bass:
Schecter: Damien 6/Stilletto Extreme 5, Squier: Bullet HSS*, Washburn RX10*/WG-587, Agile Septor 727
*mods

Amps/FX
Peavey: Vypyr 30/Max 112 (200W), ISP: Decimator

Quote by dannyalcatraz
Understood- I waste money on amps*, too.

justinguitar.com is the answer
#5
Ah, yeah. Revisiting the classics shows that the old mythologies are grimmer than they show you when you're a kid. Fickle gods, eh? Thanks as always for the further info. And as for the thesaurus, it's probably the most noble -saurus out there. Kudos as always.
I am a fake mountain.
#6
I did go back and mess around to try and bring out the jokester and a reciprocal engagement.

Version 2:  Suffer For Eternity 

I saw my kin's defeat 
Pulled below 
An infinite sentence   
Confined with metered pain 
Screaming for release
 
But they 
Suffer for eternity 
The true immurement   
Agonizing the immortal
 
The spearhead usurper 
Has a fickle eye for vengeance 
Lusting for control 
From his throne   
And lighting the sky 
With his penchant for reprisal
 
And they will languish in pain 
The lesser will suffer now 
My kin will live abandoned of care to 
Suffer for eternity
 
He snuffs the light in hand 
A childish coward 
For a slight 
Here is malevolence 
Now in control 
And powerless 
This jokes on you
 
I see I'll illuminate 
Their path 
From what your jealous   
Heart stole 
My smile cracks   
And my teeth show
 
So, I can expect pain 
To suffer endlessly 
While light does the same
 
Strap me 
Bind me down 
Chained to this granite 
My flesh torn out 
Daily 
This pain 
Your petty retribution 
Shows your weakness
 

I will laugh at your legacy 
Now, you can brave the consequence 
My existence eats away 
Subliminally suffer 
A Pyrrhic victory 
...for whom?   

And you will mentally writhe 
The loser will suffer, now bound 
You are linked to my visage   
Suffer like me
 
Guitar/Bass:
Schecter: Damien 6/Stilletto Extreme 5, Squier: Bullet HSS*, Washburn RX10*/WG-587, Agile Septor 727
*mods

Amps/FX
Peavey: Vypyr 30/Max 112 (200W), ISP: Decimator

Quote by dannyalcatraz
Understood- I waste money on amps*, too.

justinguitar.com is the answer
#7
You made it a little more interesting. A little much suffering, but ah well. That's fair enough.
I am a fake mountain.
#8
Quote by DanTheHobbit
The word "suffer" shows up an awful lot. That's my first reaction above all. It's a bit of a distraction, though I can see your intent here. There's just a little too much needless "suffering." That comes across as a terrible pun. I'm not sorry.


On the other hand, the redundancy of the word "suffering" aligns perfectly with the first of the four noble truths, "life is suffering." Now, go forth and suffer for eternity.
Well, I think I'll go turn myself off an' go on down
All the way down...
Really ain't no use in me hanging around
You know what I'm trying to say
Music, sweet music
I wish I could caress, and-a kiss
Manic Depression is a fustrating mess