#1
Lightning Strikes and Field Mice


Waiting for the rapture, I have the energy to lie down
Having cried my weight dry in goodbyes
As the lightning strikes, and off go the field mice
Rushing from brightness and into horrid tides

I don't think I can say I've had an ordinary day
So why of all times should I be surprised
I've been waiting for the end like an old friend
Collecting my debts with no reason to spend
I guess I'd be lucky to be annihilated instantly
Than to go through the years of seared earth
But it's a lonely death when your last breath
Is of regret and ennui that you lived indifferently

Waiting for the rapture, I have the energy to lie down
Having cried my weight dry in goodbyes
As the lightning strikes, and off go the field mice
Rushing from brightness and into horrid tides
We all know we're unworthy of ever getting saved
Our tiny brains slaves to our God-damned mass graves
And no savior awaits to claim us as the chosen few
With our mewing and gnarling as we char
This is my Friday so far

It's that fall Sunday afternoon sway of disdain
Leaves piled, raked as dust settles where it may
All is right with the blight of a worthless world
As squirrels capriciously scurry, oddly unperturbed
Only the sky's fire is literal and visceral
Horizons screaming with the unforgiven teeming
And tilling left and right to deliver Last Rites
To a God who cares not but for the snares we've sought

It's a pell-mell, discontent image of Hell
But a beautiful view of rot like Hieronymus Bosch's
And in the glorious gore of the end of the story
For someone so thoroughly unblessed, I'm impressed
If depressed that there'll be no art at the start
Of the nationless world from which we're hurled
Does Purgatory have a waiting list if it exists?
Or are my aching wrists too hopeful? This suffering too vocal?

Waiting for the rapture, I have the energy to lie down
Having cried my weight dry in goodbyes
I am a fake mountain.
#2
I was going to say this is perhaps a slight bit too long, considering it eschews plotline for emotive description of what appears to be a single moment of time, but enough care has gone into this that I just managed to get to the end without beginning to lose interest. There are some nice internal rhymes that don't really force themselves to be seen and swallowed. You repeated the right lines, well done for that.

" I guess I'd be lucky to be annihilated instantly" Slightly stumbled over this, the rhythm is slightly disrupted by an extra couple of syllables, although as that's coming from someone who doesn't care much for rhythm in my own work, I'm not going to suggest to change it, but pointing it out may help you think about this for the future if rhythm is something you require.
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