Poll: Help?
Poll Options
View poll results: Help?
Sucks to be you.
1 8%
TL;DR
8 67%
You make me feel tingly in my special place.
3 25%
Voters: 12.
#1
I'll try to keep it short. I recently moved out of my old apartment and into my new one. I was so glad to finally have brought every last thing into my new home, and started putting things in order. Box after box of random stuff, put in the correct part of the apartment. Since this is a rather long and tedious task, I decide to do a little bit at a time. this tactic works great, and prevents the potential burnout that comes with moving out. Not to mention, the same amount of physical activity (lifting, pushing, pulling, putting together, you get the gist) gets done per day, so I can count it as part of my daily exercise.

This all goes on for a few days until I realize... oh no. I was so stupid. I had completely forgotten my desk in my old place! The one thing I forgot was the last piece of furniture I used, on which I put certain things before packing them away. My brain must have dozed off while doing the final check to see if anything was left. It must have subconsciously assumed that desk had always been there. Just my luck.

So, I tell myself that there is probably still time for me to get my desk back. I mull on about it for an hour, and ultimately decide to go back to my old place in the hopes that I'll still be able to leave with my desk. I walk to the closest drug store to get my bus card filled in and hop on the next bus westward. After a twenty minute bus ride and a ten minute walk, I get to my destination.

Well, just my luck (again), turns out the new tenants had already started moving in. When I tried going up to my old address, I saw that the door was open and had new furniture and a couples tens of boxes lying around. The moment I see the door to the outside of the complex opening, I dart to the other side of the hallway to go through the door in that part of said hallway, as to not look suspicious. The new tenants were in the process of bringing their belongings in from their truck. I'd make sure not to be seen by staying discreetly behind my door and observing them. 

Eventually, I said screw it. I had to be quick as to not get caught breaking into what is now someone else's home, so I observed the pattern of tenants coming in and out of the apartment and, the moment I knew nobody was in the building, I jumped at the opportunity to get my desk back.

That was my first mistake.

Turns out someone was busy putting up their IKEA-style bed in my old room and wasn't bringing any boxes for the time being into the block. He had his back turned towards me so he didn't see me, but he must have heard me, because he asked me if there were any other screwdrivers in the truck. I don't know why, but I froze. I should have just gotten out of there. For some reason, I must have thought "well, I'm this far into my plan, let's not go backwards, now", so I ran into the bathroom right next to me and slammed the door to make it sound like I was one of his roommates who badly needed to go. 

Stupid move. The guy got up, walked up to the door, knocked and asked me if I was okay.

shitshitshitshitshit this is not good.

Just wait, it gets worse. Ultimately the dude must have shrugged it off and went back to work. I must have waited for twenty minutes like an idiot in this tiny bathroom, while strangers walked in and out of the apartment to bring in their things. I could hear them talking to each other about random topics. Eventually, one of them asks the other the question.

"Hey, you know who's in there? I've been needing to go for the past fifteen minutes."

I'm done for. The guy walks up to the door and knocks.

"Phil, is that you? You left for the hardware store a couple blocks down ages ago and we still don't have that measuring tape we urgently need for the living room".

"This cannot be happening", I think to myself. Then, luck finally shines down on me. I hear an older voice (a dad, I'm assuming) call for the tenants upstairs. They had to go get the fridge and bring it upstairs. They all run downstairs and stop hearing voices and noises from inside the apartment. Now's my chance.

I know what you're thinking. I'm not stupid enough to not make a run for it and instead continue to stubbornly try to get my desk.

Well. That's my second mistake. I open the door silently in case I'm wrong and there are still people around. Thankfully I'm alone, so I approach my old room to take a look. My desk is still in the corner. At this point, with the bed in the way and all these boxes lying around (not to mention the tenant probably would notice if it was gone) I decide it was a losing battle. I decide to give up and start walking away.

Too late. I heard footsteps quickly climbing up the stairs leading to outside, so I hide in the closet. The bed-building tenant (I'm assuming) comes back into the room, sits down and begins working on the bed again.

Now I'm here, wondering what the heck to do. So, Pit, I turn to you for advice. Should I have pizza or curry for dinner?
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.


Listening to: Esperanza Spalding, Vulfpeck, Caravan Palace


It is I, the mighty shitkicker, as prophesied by JustRooster. Obey me.
Last edited by Wolfinator-x at Jul 3, 2017,
#2
fake and gay


just walk out with your hands up and explain hrsepf dog
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#3
Quote by Primus2112
fake and gay


just walk out with your hands up and explain hrsepf dog

I hardly understand the concept of hrsepf myself if we're being honest here
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.


Listening to: Esperanza Spalding, Vulfpeck, Caravan Palace


It is I, the mighty shitkicker, as prophesied by JustRooster. Obey me.
#4
yrself*
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#5
I feel like pizza would be the stealthier option

No cling clang of cutlery from the closet
#6
will the desk fit through the window? lock the door to the room and try to get the desk out through the window.
#7
The answer is pretty obvious

Go for pizza-curry

Quote by Pastafarian96
I an evety characyer in this story
#8
I didn't read that, because c'mon, but I think the clear answer is you need a new amp.
#11
Pursuant to Diamond Dave you should have masturbated in your hiding place
A poem.
Quote by yoman297
no girl, movember isnt for you. shave your stache pls

I can out-bore you any day
#12
have both, while masturbating again

pursuant to Pastafarian96 , etc.
Quote by Skibolky
No one can really fuck with the power of empathy.
#13
mugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmugmug
#14
if you're going to go through the trouble of making up a fake story at least make it entertaining. this was just sad.


1/10
#15
"I'll try to keep it short."



"And that's a detailed account on the history of Europe."
Free Ali
Free Lard
#16
Quote by Wolfinator-x
I'll try to keep it short.

Are you fucking with me?
Quote by Mr E Meat
this is your brain

this is your brain on RT

Quote by Standard_A440
Given that you reside in the shade of the natural light of reason, I will defer doing your homework to you.
#17
I'm just trying to kill time at work at I'm still pissed off I read all that
#20
I thought this would involve honey or syrup or chocolate sauce but no
There's no such thing; there never was. Where I am going you cannot follow me now.
#21
I'm just trying to figure out how you were going to get/sneak a desk out of a house by yourself without at least disassembly and then take it home on a buss. lol  I have accidentally left stuff behind at old houses in the haste of moving.  I just went and knocked on the door when I knew someone was there and explained and got my stuff back or just called the old landlord if the place was still vacant.  When I just moved 1,800+ miles away a year ago from my last house I realized a month later (that's how long it took me to unpack) that I left my $60+ kitchen floor mat behind, obviously I just had to accept that as a loss.  Also, I think your story is fake.    
#22
I was truly hopeful this would involve the classic combination of having to piss with a boner while having diarrhoea and and wank.
Quote by Diemon Dave
Don't go ninjerin nobody don't need ninjerin'
#24
Pizza because curry leaves it smell on you bro, and quit makin up stories to see if people will read a bunch of crap to answer a question about what food your going to eat when friggin Africans are starving
#27
Quote by Diamond Dave
         I think you need to masturbate for this thread to live up to its name.

ok, now what
Quote by Pastafarian96
        Pursuant to Diamond Dave you should have masturbated in your hiding place

Hiding place? I'm not a prude, man.
Quote by Aeolian Harmony
       have both, while masturbating again 

That's what she said
Quote by Gatecrasher53
      Are you fucking with me?

No, why? Are you free later tonight?
Quote by smithy15493
     Mate you just need to come out the closet

Too late, already came twice, including while having "both"
Quote by StewieSwan
    no qts?

I'm afraid qualified teacher status is not of my concern here
Quote by theogonia777
   I thought this would involve honey or syrup or chocolate sauce but no

You won't ever want to share a pizza-curry with me then
Quote by Way Cool JR.
  Also, I think your story is fake.  

You don't actually think someone would just make up a story on the internet for shits and giggles, do you?
Quote by slapsymcdougal
 I was truly hopeful this would involve the classic combination of having to piss with a boner while having diarrhoea and and wank.

Give it time
Quote by jackmiddlemiss
I want those 5 minutes of my life back! NOW!

You can start by leaving the Pit and going outside
Quote by davidmatthewbonner
Pizza because curry leaves it smell on you bro, and quit makin up stories to see if people will read a bunch of crap to answer a question about what food your going to eat when friggin Africans are starving

What makes you assume I'm not African myself
You are now using UG Black.
You are now using UG Classic.


Listening to: Esperanza Spalding, Vulfpeck, Caravan Palace


It is I, the mighty shitkicker, as prophesied by JustRooster. Obey me.